Many of us have our own time frame for when we feel that things should happen in our lives. Especially, when it comes to things like marriage and having kids. The older we get, the more we tend to feel pressured. Whether we're putting that pressure onto ourselves, whether it's our families and friends that are pressuring us, or whether it's simply feeding into and following the standards that society has set out. However you look at it, the older we get, the more we feel that pressure. The problem with having a sometimes unrealistic time frame is that many times, we feel almost as if we've failed when we don't meet it. Then you end up having people try to make you feel better about it, telling you that, "God has his own time frame." Yea, yea, I've heard it all! I do however, think that there's some truth to it.
I'm coming into a new stage in my life as a 37 year old. Being that I'm now a divorced, mother of two, with hopes to remarry, and still wanting the option for more kids, I need to figure out what I'm doing so to speak. Even that bold statement alone is filled with pressure, obligation, and unnecessary anxiety, combined with an unrealistic time frame. The biggest problem with that expectation of myself is that I believe in love. Just like the song says, you can't hurry love (thank you Phil Collins for clearing that one up), and well, you can't. You have to give yourself a certain freedom to being vulnerable enough to let go, let yourself love, and to let yourself be loved by someone else. Despite what age a person is, if they believe in true love, and they don't see settling as an option, then they can't rush it, force it, or will it to happen before they're ready. They need to stay patient, and give things a real chance, and they can't do that by being in a hurry.
If you just start dating someone at the age of 37, you can't just jump in full straddle towards getting engaged, without giving the relationship a little time at least. Just because you might want to settle down quickly or somewhat quicker now that you're older, it doesn't mean that your partner will want to as well, or that it's even the wisest decision. You have to be smart about it. You can't just go from dating into being engaged, and married. Especially, when you have kids from a previous situation. Exclusive relationships are important to explore before getting engaged. They don't have to be very long, but they have to be full of time spent, and experiencing certain factors together to know if you'll be compatible for the long term.
You have to ask yourself what's more important to you, finding that one special person, the love of your life, and the person that will be your everything or getting married, and having babies. Assuming that you had to pick one, many people would just choose to settle down with someone that was simply a good catch, and a decent, and good soul (a mensch per say). Others, not so much. Other people would consider that settling, and wouldn't even think twice about that mambo-jambo, hypothetical nonsense. Those types of people won't settle for less than what they want, and they believe in true love. They want nothing more than to fall in love with the person of their dreams. The big question is, "Why can't we have both?"
Most of us want to settle down and get married with the person of our dreams. They need to feel passionately in love with a person, before settling down with them. Ideally, anyone that wants to get married, and build a future with someone wants to be in love with the person. The problem is that sometimes it takes a long time, to the point where many times, how do I say this... people give up, they lose hope, and they start to fear that they'll miss their chance at certain things in life. They fear that they'll lose their good looks, from their lustrous hair to their flawless, tight, baby doll skin, to their chance at ever having a baby of their own.
Time becomes an issue the older we get, and more so for women, being that there's a certain age where it becomes riskier for a woman to get pregnant, and risky for the baby. Not that men don't have to worry about getting older and raising a kid, because many men want to be around when their kids grow up, attend college, and whatnot. Many men fear that being too old will take away from their ability to be active, be alive and thriving enough to even be able to take care of kids. As people get older, they start to develop more and more fear that maybe it won't happen for them. This is why many people tend to settle, end up miserable, and with the wrong person. Having said that, here's two words of advice, "don't settle!"
Take some time, open up that beautiful heart, and let yourself love. At the age of 37, for someone to ask me, "Would it be worth it to you if you had an amazing year with someone, but you didn't know if it would ultimately turn into marriage or end, would you still risk it?" Well my friend, and all of you readers, yes, I would risk it. I'd risk getting hurt in order to experience and fall in love. Yes, I'd risk not having something work out, for the possibility that it would. I'd risk it, because love is the goal, happiness is the goal, and if I don't give things a chance when I see that there's good potential, I'm delaying the natural process of being with my true love.
Sometimes you just have to let things run their natural course, and give them the time that they need to develop. The same way that you have to risk getting hurt in order to fall in love, you have to risk things not working out in the end. Don't put pressure on yourself, don't let others put pressure on you, and you shouldn't have to feel the need to fit into the ways of society. Give yourself a chance at a relationship, and let it blossom just like a flower. Having faith and being optimistic is everything in these types of situations. When there's effort, trust, respect, great communication, and ultimately having the same goals, as well as love being the foundation of the couple, it can lead to true happiness, and ultimately a beautiful life together. It's important to give situations a chance when they have good potential.
I'm not saying that you should give any old doofus a chance, because you shouldn't. But, when a good person with good potential comes into your life, don't be afraid to explore the situation from the fear of it not working out. Go into it wholeheartedly, with an open mind, and a positive outlook. Have faith, and give it a shot for goodness sake! It's better to be with someone that you love, and I mean really love, rather than end up with someone that's just okay with going through the motions, settling down, getting married, and having babies. Love is everything, and you should embrace the opportunity at having a chance at experiencing it. Don't settle for less than what you want, and don't be afraid of something ultimately not working out, despite your age, and preferred timeline. So what, so your timeline extends a little bit, but at least you'll have the chance and the possibility of having the love of your life, and possibly having it work out.