Monday, October 17, 2016

The Straight Arrow Path to Success

We would all like to get to the top and successful. But it takes hard work, effort, and that "go get it" factor. We need drive to succeed, and that fire to burn our buns, in order to get what we want in life. Sitting back, and waiting for things to happen will get you nowhere. If anyone wants anything bad enough, they need to go after it. I decided to create a list of a few essential factors that will make all of the difference on your path to success. But one thing that's imperative to remember, is that to feel truly proud of our accomplishments in life, we must do things the right way morally, and by being a righteous person.

Don't Take Shortcuts:

Do things the right way and in a righteous manner. Don't search for the easy way to get to where you want to be, just because it looks quicker, less stressful, and easier when you know that the path you're thinking I have isn't righteous or morally a good choice. Remember, short term light, usually leads to long-term darkness, so make your decisions carefully, and stay righteous and decent at the same time. 

Value Your Time:

Our time is precious, and we should make things that are important to us priorities, and treat them as such. Postponing things, putting them off, and leaving them for later is never a wise choice if you want to be successful. Pick and choose your break time wisely and what you do with it, because a break shouldn't last for more than a few moments. A break is something that should be experienced once you've accomplished a certain amount of work towards your end goal. 

Choose Supportive Friends or No Friends:

I just surround yourself with no one, or those that have your best interest at heart. Pick and choose your friends wisely, and only bring in those that love, appreciate, support, and value you as a person. Make sure that you avoid bringing in negativity, and any type of toxic person. Toxic people can become a mental, emotional, and psychological disability if you let them. Besides, they'll drain your positive energy until there's nothing left. 

Don't Be a Perfectionist:

If you strive for perfection, don't see it as the main or ending goal. Instead, strive to make things as perfect as possible, but know in the back of your head that there is no such finish line. Many times perfectionist end up being too hard on themselves, and are even unable to accept compliments and what they're achieving, as they strive towards their goals. It's important to genuinely accept compliments and take them to heart. Be happy, proud, yet remaining humble on your journey toward success. Don't expect perfection, just drive to be the best that you can be, and in all that you do. 

Be Healthy and Stay Active:

Don't say that you don't have time for taking good care of yourself, because you do. Everyone needs to make the time for their priorities, and taking care of themselves. Being healthy, and staying active are definite priorities when it comes to being the best that you can be, and in order to put your best foot forward. In order to work hard and to do your best, you need to be in a healthy state of mind, as well as in an emotionally peaceful place. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Dating Someone Who Isn't Formally Educated

Most people have different requirements that they hope to find in a partner. For some people a big requirement is having a formal education or even degrees of different sorts. For many, not only having a formal education is a must-have, but also having a steady and stable job is imperative. It's important you know what you want in a partner. Having said that, you can't expect to find perfection in anyone or to find every little thing that you hope for in another person. 

There is no complete package, despite how many people praise their partners in relationships. When a person says that their partner is a complete package or even when any random person seems to be, it's usually because they seem that way, and not that they actually are that way. No one is perfect, and again, there is no complete package of perfection. 

When a person has many of the qualities that you're looking for in a match, you may define that as a complete package for you, but the reality is that nothing is perfect, and neither is anyone. When it comes to wanting to be with someone that's highly educated, then you should go after people that are in fact, highly educated, and not waste your time or other people's time, dating around when that requirement isn't there. Nothing's worse than when someone wastes time with a person that isn't educated, knowing that it's a requirement for them to have in a partner. 

For many people though, it's more important for them to with a person that's highly intelligent, and open to learning new things, as opposed to someone that's school smart, or as one would call "well educated." One might even call an educated person highly educated, formally educated, or even scholarly. For many people it's more than adequate enough when their partner is smart, and even streetsmart for that matter. It's important for many, if not most, to be able to communicate with their partner, and at times discuss more intellectual topics. 

How Important Is It for You to Be with Someone who's Formally Educated?

Having an intellectual connection is definitely important to me, and I assume, for many. It's all about what a person's preferences are as to whether or not they feel it's mandatory to have schooling and higher education be the route of their partner's intelligence, as opposed to someone that's merely street smart, and knows the ropes. In other words, ultimately, it's all about what different individual wants in a mate. You should only date people that are open-minded and really interested in dating someone like you, whether you're street smart, or whether you have an elaborate education. 

Last but not least, it's important to remember that you can't change people, and you shouldn't even try to for that matter. If you love everything about a person, except for the fact that they're not well educated or some type of overachiever as you might like, then you shouldn't be going out with them. But definitely, don't ever try to change them to make them into the person that you'd want them to be. It's not only unfair to the person, but it's wrong on your end for giving a chance to a situation that you shouldn't. You should know from the very get-go what's important for you to have in a partner, and you should only date those that are in the realm of what you're looking for. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Dating: Know the Depth of Their Soul

It's important to have some idea of what you want in a match. We all look for different things, and we all pretty much hope to find many of those things in a person before we're willing to explore a relationship with them. Whether a person is looking for great chemistry or someone tall, or whether great looks is the last thing on their mind, and they're perhaps more of the sapiosexual type, you need to know what you want in a partner, and what drives you the most. 

Knowing what you want in a partner is easy if you really think about it. I don't really understand all of the people that say that they don't know what they want, and many people even write it their online dating profiles. I mean, it's not a very appealing thing when you don't know what you want in life or in a partner. It shows lack of thought, desire, passion, and decisiveness. 

In life, it's important to know what you want, because that's saying that you have goals of some sort. When it comes to knowing what you want in a partner, it's important to know what you like and what you don't like. Many times people say that they'll know what they'll like when they see it. On the contrary, if you don't know your tastes, and you don't have any opinions on what you view or value as important to have in a partner, you're probably not in a good position to be dating anyone. 

Superficial Love

One things holds some truth, and is at least somewhat understandable, and that's the fact that not everyone knows what they want their partner to look like. But looks can only get you so far in a relationship. Physical attraction is important, but many times it's not even routed from the exterior physical beauty. At least, not when you have a pure soul. 

It's important to be with someone that you're attracted to, essential even. However, attraction can come from many different things, and not simply physical beauty alone. You might actually be surprised at how many people seem like such odd couples because one of the people is so incredibly attractive, whereas the other person would be considered below average in physical beauty. 

Relationship should be based on a solid, strong foundation that should have nothing, and I mean nothing to do with physical beauty. When you're old and gray, and your partner or someone else asks you why you love them, if you have any trace of an authentic and beautiful soul, you're not going to be happy with the response of "because you're beautiful." We all want to know that our partner loves us because it's genuine, real, and because of who we are deep inside. Don't get me wrong, because we all want to know that our partner finds us attractive, but that should really be just the icing on the cake. 

Many failed marriages take place because someone ends up with a partner, because they were so physically attracted to them and their beauty. I've met a tremendous amount of people that had such exquisite exterior beauty. But it was merely skin deep, and once I got to know their character, I was quite turned off, even on a friendship level. You definitely can't read a book by its cover, and there's nothing more beautiful and appealing than the depth of a person's soul. That's what we should fall in love with.

Friday, October 7, 2016

Dating Someone with Trust Issues

Every new and promising situation that you go into should be given a genuine chance. The best way to do that is by not bringing in any types of issues, wounds, or baggage from previous relationships. It's important to give every person that you date a blank, clean slate, and a fresh start. Bringing trust issues into a new situation will never end up good. You need to have an open heart and be willing to get hurt in order to fall in love. Part of having an open heart is giving your trust to someone. If you're not willing to give your trust, then you really shouldn't be dating, or at least not yet.

Exploring new relationships can be fun and exciting. But usually more so, when someone doesn't bring any baggage with them. But before I go any further, let's talk about what baggage is. Baggage is a term that used to describe bringing in issues from your past experiences when things were difficult, bad, and unfortunate. Baggage is when you've been cheated on before or hurt from someone that you've dated or been in a relationship with, and you carry those wounds and issues into your new relationship. 

What baggage isn't, but sometimes considered is having children from a previous marriage or relationship. Folks, heed my words when I tell you this - having children is NOT baggage, and no, I'm not saying this because I have children from a previous marriage. I'm saying it because it's a fact. If something like a person having children from a previous situation bothers you, then it's simply not something that you're open to. But it's definitely not baggage.

It's important to trust the person that you're with, and for them to trust you as well. You should be giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, and if there's ever a situation where you question your partner's intentions or motives, then you should politely ask them in a loving and kind manner. But still, let your partner speak their mind, and believe what they say to be true. If your partner is a compulsive liar, then break up with them. But if you're just used to dating compulsive liars and people that might've even cheated on you before, then it's your own issue, and you have to fix it. 

You can't expect that someone's going to stick around if you don't believe them when they tell you things. You need to trust your partner with all of your heart and soul so that your relationship will stand an actual chance. When two people don't trust each other or even when one person doesn't trust the other, relationship problems will be never ending. Honesty is everything in a relationship. You should never take that for granted by even saying white lies to your partner. 

I'm a big believer in being brutally honest, and even when it's hard to be. As long as it's in a kind and loving manner. All we can do is be the best versions of ourselves, and when it comes to relationships, you need to be honest and be willing to trust your partner. If some people can't handle the truth, it's not your issue. Just remember that you get what you give in relationships, so if you give your honesty and trust to someone, they should give it back to you fully, and in return. 

Thursday, October 6, 2016

When Someone 'Doesn't' Know What They Want in a Partner

Relationships take effort, hard work, and dedication. But they also take a person knowing what they want, at least to some degree. No one needs to know exactly what they want their partner to look like or even act like for that matter. However, knowing what you want is something that's essential when it comes to finding your best possible match. 

You have to have an idea of what works for you in a relationship, and what doesn't. As much as I'd hate to say it, people that have had many bad experiences or have endured relationships that haven't worked out well are usually well ahead of the game. Crazy right? But it's true, because having some relationship experience gives people an opportunity to see what works for them, and what doesn't. Although everyone is different, and all relationships are different for that matter, it still gives people an idea of what they want or don't want. 

Going into a relationship without knowing what you want in any way is kind of like going into a situation blindfolded, and having no idea of what to expect. It's important to date people, and get to know them before becoming exclusive. Having said that, before becoming exclusive, and before you're even considering that as an option, you have to know what type of person someone is, and many times on a deeper level. Being in an exclusive relationship is the best way to get to know someone on a deeper level - That is, when you're willing to put the time, effort, and love into getting to know the person. 

When people waste time getting to know someone on a deeper level by being in an exclusive relationship without really knowing what they want or what their partner ultimately wants, they're setting themselves up for doom, and ultimately failure. If you don't know what you want in a relationship or in a partner, then you need to do some deep soul-searching until you figure it out. It's definitely not an attractive or appealing quality by any means when someone doesn't know what they want. 

Many times people respond with, "I want you. That's what I want." Although that's a cute line to use and all, it's not really going to solve the issue at hand. Everyone needs to have some type of idea of what they're looking for, what they like, and what they don't. Otherwise, you'll end up wasting someone's time, and time for most people is quite valuable. 

Last but not least, it's imperative to be emotionally available, and that's a big part of why many times people don't know what they want in a partner or in a relationship. Make sure that your heart is open, healed, and ready to embrace a new love before you even put yourself out there in the dating scene. It's never a kind act to waste anyone's time or pretend that you're in an emotionally healthy state of mind and open to love, when you're truly not. Make sure that your heart is open, and that you're available and willing to do what it takes to make it in a relationship. 

Friday, September 30, 2016

The Self-Destructive Personality Type

There are many people that don't realize what a great effect their words and actions can have in their lives. Unfortunately, many people tend to let go at all of the wrong times. They act free-spirited when they shouldn't. Instead of appreciating the people and things that are bringing them joy in life, they create issues and problems that never actually exist. Instead of feeling grateful from what's provoking so much happiness for them, they feel unworthy of it or of the person for whatever reason. As a result, they subconsciously or consciously sabotage it. 

When people sabotage their relationships, as well as anything that's of importance to them, they're doing themselves a disservice in life. Life is beautiful and it's important to create happiness for yourself and others whenever possible. People that ruin or sabotage good things need to work on self improvement before it starts to run and ruin their hopes at having true happiness in their life.

This can be truly unfortunate when it comes to relationships. The damage that these types of people will cause could leave them not only alone, but feeling torn up at themselves, as well as from the response of the person that they were in a relationship with. Usually the end result is never happiness, but more so, misery and a low self-esteem.

It's imperative to know yourself and to know the strength that you hold from within. When people let their negative emotions take over and run the show so to speak, they end up miserable and alone at times - whether they're aware of what they're doing or not. People that sabotage relationships, friendships, or even when it comes to anything of importance to them, they're doing so because they lack self-esteem, and they have little to no awareness of their self worth. 

When someone tends to sabotage situations, they don't do so because they don't care. Trust me when I say this - they not only care, but many times, they care immensely. They might even like or love a person so much, that they put them on a pedestal in their mind, giving them the halo effect, creating this delusion that they're beyond wonderful, and although they might feel lucky to have this person or thing in their life, they don't feel worthy of it, so they sabotage it. 

Usually though, they regret what they've done and feel remorseful. The problem with someone that sabotages situations and then feels remorse is that many times people don't have forgiving hearts, and they hold a grudge, bearing no patience or forgiveness in their hearts. Especially, not for someone that would sabotage a beautiful thing, like having them in their life. The fact is, people tend to leave situations when they don't feel loved.

You need to get a grip, and realize that if you want to have a beautiful and happy life, you need to stay in control of your emotions. If you want a life in which good, positive, and enlightened people want to be around you, as well as to acquire the ability to hold onto good things that you'll have in life, then you need to think before you act, and definitely before you put your foot in your mouth and say the wrong things- which could push them away. 

You can't expect that someone will want to stick around and be a part of your life if they think you don't care about them. No one will feel that you care about them if you act or speak without thinking. This especially goes for when people tend to put their foot in their mouth more often than not.

When someone is self-aware enough to realize that they tend to sabotage situations when things are good, they need to work on improving themselves. We're all accountable for our own actions in life. Therefore, no one is going to be to blame for your actions, except you. This is a completely destructive action, and needs to be fixed, not merely acknowledged. Don't destroy a good thing. Appreciate what you have, and even more so, when you tend to see a pattern of toxic behaviour as such. Take control over your words, actions, and ultimately your life. It's easy to create happiness, but to maintain it takes hard work. But the good thing to know is that you can do it. You're capable, self aware, and most of all, you deserve it.

If someone is self-aware enough to recognize this fixable flaw in their personality, and they tell me to be aware of their tendency to destroy a good thing or even that they tend to always sabotage situations at some point, I'd likely respond with this statement:

"Don't worry, if you act like a jerk and put your foot in your mouth at times, I'll treat you like a jerk who puts his foot in his mouth at times. I'll call you out on your sh... I'll communicate the issue with you. But I can't fix the issue, only you can. Being self-aware is not enough. The problem needs to be addressed. It's only when people actually screw me over that I disappear from their lives forever. So you can remove the fear of losing me from your system. That fear is what's ultimately provoking you to want to sabotage our relationship. But I can tell you this. When I've been in any relationship with someone on a romantic level, or even someone that was a friend or family member, and there was someone doing things to hurt me on any level, emotional or whatever, my partner, boyfriend, or husband at the time wouldn't want me to keep that person in my life. Therefore, depending on how important I am to you and just how much you want me in your life, you'll have to work on this issue."

Don't take good things for granted. Appreciate all that you have in life. Especially, the people that love and care for you deeply. You deserve happiness, just as much as the next person. Never think differently. Feeling powerless leads to fear. Many times fear is what makes people self-destructive. Know your worth, know your inner power, and know that you deserve the best in life. So when good things are right before your eyes, don't let them go by subconsciously pushing them away and destroying it. Hold onto what's good in your life, and if it's really good, hold onto it even tighter. 

Thursday, September 29, 2016

The Fear of Rejection and Making the First Move

We all have certain things that we're really good at. Some people are better at some things than others. It's a really great quality to be self-aware, and to know who you are as an individual. Being in touch with who you are as a person can play a huge role in knowing what you're really good at or not good at for that matter. As far as being able to approach someone or make the first move when it comes to dating, it takes a lot of courage and confidence. Not to mention, one of the biggest factors always ends up being how badly do you want someone

How much we want something and what it's worth to us can pertain to goals that we have in life and even when it comes to making that first move towards dating someone, or even speaking to them for that matter. You have to have confidence and guts in order to talk someone for the first time. You never really know what someone's response is going to be, and you have to be willing to be strong and resilient enough to accept the possibility of being rejected. Despite how much courage and confidence someone has to talk to someone and to make that first move, you have to be mentally and emotionally in the right mind frame where you can take it with a grain of rice if someone rejects you. 

As far as being turned down by someone, and even in a cold, harsh, or rude way at times, it's important to know that it's better to lose something that you don't actually have yet. As well, you shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. For me personally, if someone isn't interested in me or even attracted to me for that matter, I don't even give it a second thought, and I move on. 

Generally speaking, I like people that like me, and I think that's a healthy mindset to have. You can't expect for every single person in this world to find you appealing, attractive, or desirable. Having said that, the right person will not only find it flattering when you make the first move and approach them, but they'll likely be kind, appreciative, and be more than happy that you had the guts and the confidence to make to come up to them. 

There will always be people that don't value or appreciate what it takes for someone to make the first move, and how much confidence and courage it requires. Don't worry about those people, and just appreciate the ones that do have enough kindness and appreciation for the fact that you even tried. When someone approaches a person to date or even talk to, it's not only courageous on their part, but it shows their interest in you, so you should take it as flattery at the very least. 

When it comes to making the first move and having that courage to approach someone, it's never really about what you say, but more so, how do you say it, how much wit and confidence you display, as well as how open the person is to receiving the communication and attention. Frankly, some people have issues and simply can't accept the fact that they're given any attention to whatsoever, let alone if you're the complimentative type and approach them with kind words. Many people are insecure, and hold little to no self-confidence, and that's why they have a hard time accepting compliments from others. Just remember that that's not on you, and it's on that person for lacking the confidence. 

It's never about what you say in that first moment that you speak to someone, so there's no need to dread your opening statement or spend too much time thinking about it. Despite what many people think, there's little to no importance about that first statement that you say, as long as you actually speak up, say something, and go after what you want. Just remember to be authentic, genuine, and act like the real you, instead of some fake, dolled up version of you. Most people appreciate when people are authentic. 

Whether you're a man or a woman, making that first move and approaching someone for the first time can be challenging, and especially if you're the shy type or have an immense fear of rejection. Anyone that fears rejection too much won't be as successful in life or in love for that matter, as opposed to someone that's courageous, confidence, and goes after what they want. So the next time that you feel scared to speak up and make that first move, ask yourself how badly you want it, because the last thing that anyone should want in life is to miss out on a beautiful, new opportunity to find love and happiness. 

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Beginning of a New Relationship

There's something miraculous about a new love. A new love is pure, without flaws, without mistakes, and without any issues or problems. A new love has all of the potential in the world to be your greatest love. It's important to have an open heart so that when we embrace a new love interest, that we do so on a blank clean slate, without bringing fears, expectations, or any hurt, anger, and what we'd all referred to as baggage from previous relationships. 

A new love is essentially pure in every way. It's important to give a new love interest a genuine chance at becoming a successful relationship. In order to do that, this new pure situation must be based on a solid strong foundation. This foundation should be built upon trust, honesty, communication, and respect. 
There are many ways to keep the fire alive in a relationship. It's important to do whatever it takes to make things work when a situation has potential. Although it's true that the honeymoon phase is generally supposed to be the happiest of all times. However, just as there are ways to keep the fire alive, there are also ways that we can make the honeymoon period last for a lifetime. 
Healthy relationships take hard work and effort from both people. It's important for couples to view each other as best friends and partners. Relationships involve give and take. Both people need to concentrate on giving, as well as being able to receive. There's no place for selfishness or dishonesty in a new relationship or in any relationship for that matter (new or old). 

It's important to treat a long-term relationship, and even more so, a marriage, as if it's a brand-new relationship. The longer that you've been with someone in a committed relationship, the more work, effort, and understanding that should be given towards making things work. To build a relationship that's healthy, based on a solid, strong foundation is imperative. But, maintaining the integrity of the relationship for the long term takes hard work that doesn't stop just because two people are used to each other. 
There comes a point in every relationship where both people may question whether or not the other person is still in love with them or just used to them. Remember, there's nothing wrong with reminding your partner how much they mean to you, showing them how much you appreciate them, and letting them know by your actions and your words. There should always be a healthy balance between what you say and what you do. Your actions should be apparent, just as much as your words. 

The longer that you're with someone, the more that you should concentrate on improving your relationship. One of the best ways of improving long-term relationships is to concentrate on giving, and by giving, I mean giving in a selfless manner. When one partner gives, the other person should be willing to receive and reciprocate the love that's shown to them. Remember, a love that's pure is not defined by the length of the relationship, but by how well that love is maintained and cared for.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Lying to Ourselves, Pretending Everything Is Okay

For many people, the truth is hard to hear or even to acknowledge at times. We don't always want to hear the truth, because either it hurts too much or because we don't want to lose something or someone. But most of all, we don't want anything to change. We avoid knowing or hearing reality at times, because it seems easier than having to deal with the truth. But the biggest problem with doing that is that we're postponing what's bound to happen anyway. 

So instead, many times we avoid things like communication, friendships, or anything that could provoke having to feel and embrace the truth of what you might already know. When we do so, we're basically living a lie, hoping that it will just go away by ignoring it. All this does is leave us empty, cold, and in a distant state of mind mentally and emotionally. 

It's hard to live with pent-up feelings that you're afraid to vent or communicate to someone. You should never have to fear communicating with someone that you love, worried for their reaction or response. As well, you should never have to avoid embracing the reality of a situation and what's become, because holding those emotions deep inside of you will end up hurting you much greater down the line. 

It's understandable why many times people prefer to ignore the truth when it comes to whether or not someone loves us, wants to be with us anymore, or even feels that their lives together have become empty and loveless. The last thing that anyone wants is to feel even more miserable than they might already feel by possibly losing something that they hold so close to their hearts. This especially goes for when someone feels that their spouse or loved one no longer feels close to them or in love. 

Although it's painful, it's imperative to address these types of issues sooner, rather than later. Nothing is more hardening of the soul than to be in a loveless marriage or relationship with someone. In a scenario as such, it's pretty pointless to stay in that type of situation unless you're willing to communicate your feelings to your partner, try to improve on your relationship, and come to terms with the reality of what you're both feeling. 

Self improvement, good communication, and hard work is what it will take to fix relationships that suffer in these ways. You can do your part not hiding what's going on inside of you, but rather to express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns to your loved one. You see, then at least your relationship will stand a chance at being happy again. Just remember, lying to yourself and pretending that everything's okay when it's not won't change anything. Your feelings, your partner's feelings, and your whole relationship will likely suffer if you act stubborn, hold it all inside, or even deny that there's a problem.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Playing Games in Relationships

Playing games in relationships are one of the biggest ways that people destroy something that could be beautiful. Unless you're into sports, board games, or playing chess, games have the power to ruin everything that you might truly want in life (or at least, in your love life). I'm sure that many of you know what types of games I'm referring to (click here). For the amount of people that have gotten played or screwed over by someone at some point in their life, I'm sure most of us are well aware about the different types of mind games there are.

Playing mind games in relationships is something that may appear to some as if they'll have the advantage or the one up so to speak in the relationship. On the contrary, despite what people think that play these types of mind games, many people that don't play mind games are actually choosing not to play mind games, and are well aware of those that do so. They might even play along with you, acting as if they have no idea what's going on, and then playing them back. But if you'd ask me, that's just as bad.

There shouldn't be competition with your partner in life or with any potential love interest either. Competition is meant for on the field, on the court, in the ice rink, or other places as such. Competition is not supposed to be had between two people that have truly good intentions with one another, and in building a life together. There shouldn't be a one up or a winner in arguments between couples. If anything, you should want your partner to succeed and win in nearly everything, and even if it puts you at a disadvantage in some way. That's what true agape love is. True love is being selfless, and wanting your partner's happiness, and even above your own at times.

By playing games, you not only won't be in the lead while dating or in a relationship, but you'll be set back, and have even more growth needed towards developing a healthy, happy, and loving relationship. When you play games, you're not being true to yourself or to your partner. Many times people play games not to try to take advantage of another person per se, but on some unconscious level, that's what they're doing. You see, even in cases where someone wants to know how much their partner loves them, they might play hard to get, but by doing so, they're not being honest with themself or their partner.

Playing hard to get is only one form of a mind game, and it's not even one of the worst. The reason that it's not one of the worst ways of playing games is because people that are usually playing hard to get are doing so, because they lack good communication skills. They usually lack the skills because they're usually too shy or afraid that their partner will judge them for not being ready on an intimate level or even on an emotional level. In cases as such, the couple needs to develop better communication. Having said that, sometimes people take playing hard to get to a different extent in which it would be considered a truly unfortunate and toxic mind game. This would be when someone is trying to get the advantage in a situation, or even use the other person, and they usually have different motives than what they say.

There are many other types of mind games that people play like making someone believe that you're into them, or even that you're in love with them, when you're not even remotely interested in anything other than getting into bed with them. This is a big problem in the dating scene, and even more so when it comes to online dating. This is why it's so imperative that we all go into new situations with a certain amount of caution. You should never have to feel afraid to let go, to be yourself, or even to develop feelings for someone new. However, I don't believe that anyone should fully let their guard down until they know a person a little bit. In other words, you should go into situations with caution, but without fear.

If you're afraid to fall in love, you likely won't get very far in any new relationship. I've only listed a couple of unhealthy games that people play, so it's important to be aware that there are obviously many more. All you really need to do is go into new situations with caution, and you'll be way ahead of the game (pun intended). Remember, despite the fact that playing games with someone's mind and feelings might seem to give you an advantage or might even get you what you want, you'll lose in the long run, because hurting other people is far from being enlightened and good, and karma will likely bite you back at some point.

You Can't Force Someone into a Commitment

You can't force someone to do anything in life, and you definitely can't force anyone to want to be in an exclusive relationship with you if they don't want to. Whether someone isn't ready to be in a relationship with you or at all for that matter, you should be clear about whether there's any truth and legitimacy to that or whether they're simply not into you. 

Unfortunately, when people aren't direct, it can be a way of stringing someone along while they figure out what they want in life. You should know whether someone is interested and really doesn't want to be in a relationship with you or whether they're just brushing you off because they lack interest in you altogether.

When somebody wants to be with you, you'll know it by their words and their actions. You should never have to read someone's mind in order to find out if they like you. When people want to be with someone, they make it obvious by making the time for you, and even by pursuing you until you literally know that they're interested. 

Knowing whether or not someone loves you shouldn't be a guessing game, so if you question it, you can simply ask the person. Whether or not they're interested, there's still the bottom line of them not wanting a relationship with you, and that's something that you need to come to terms with. So at the end of the day, it's irrelevant, and you should move on.

You shouldn't stick around waiting for someone to be ready and available for you. You should live your life, do your own thing, and if they come around when they're available and ready to be in a relationship with you, then you can explore that situation if you're still single, interested, and ready yourself. However, sitting there, wasting your time, and moping around because someone doesn't want to be with you is the worst thing that you can do to yourself. Doing such can literally destroy your self-esteem, your pride, and your self-respect. 

You should love yourself enough to be good to you, and not wait around for someone who isn't at the same level and page as you are. Waiting around for someone that isn't ready could very likely leave you alone at the end of the day, and they might even become ready, but end up becoming available to someone else instead. You deserve more than to wait for someone that doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You should know your worth, and close the door to that situation, so that you can find your perfect match that will be ready, and just when you are.

Nothing in life is good when it's forced. That goes for forcing someone's feelings, forcing someone to be with you in a relationship, or even forcing friendships. If you have to force a person to be with you, and you end up together, staying in each other's lives, you'll never really know or feel that it was genuine and that they're with you because they actually wanted to be with you or because they felt forced or trapped. 

It's better for people to be authentic and genuine. If someone doesn't want to be with you, it's better to know now, rather than later. You don't need to feel down and depressed, because they don't want you. You'll never have to force the right match to be with you, because they'll likely want to be with you just as much is you want to be with them. So be patient, and stay optimistic in your search, and remember, you should never have to force a relationship.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Mistake of Comparing Someone to an Ex

Most people that have been dating for a while have likely explored at least one relationship in their life, and likely at least one break up as well. For those that know what it's like to be in an exclusive relationship, and even more so to move on from one, they know what it's like to experience a whole new person and an entirely different relationship from their previous one. 

A lot of people tend to compare the new person that they're dating or in a relationship with, as well as their new relationship altogether to their past one. For many people, comparing is something that they're conscious and aware of avoiding at all costs. But for some, they tend to compare, which isn't necessarily a good thing. 

Not only don't other people like to be compared to someone's ex, but you likely don't like to be compared to someone's ex either. Everyone wants to feel like they're your very first love, and that your relationship with them tops all others that you might've experienced in your past. Having said that, those are pretty high expectations, so it's important not to get caught up with so many comparisons, because either you or your partner isn't going to be brutally honest about it, or it might even cloud your mind with confusion as to, "Well what the hell am I doing with this person, being that my last relationship and partner were so much better!"

We don't need to cloud our minds with toxic, pessimistic, or negative thoughts that will end up getting us nowhere. It's true, many times we question ourselves and the situation that we're in when things are actually pretty darn good. Our past and our exes are usually in the past, because the person wasn't right for us or for whatever other reasons. 

Past should remain in the past, and if you're in a new relationship, then it's important to give that new person a genuine chance and a fresh clean slate, without bringing in baggage of comparisons from what you've experienced in your past. You should never compare the person that you're dating or in a relationship with to anyone from your past, and for many reasons. 

The sole reason isn't just because it might cloud up your mind with confusion or doubts towards who you're with right now. But even more so, it could bring drama and turbulence to your current relationship. It's more than a good idea to prevent the unnecessary drama of asking your partner too many deep questions about who they've dated, why their relationships didn't work out, and to the point of wanting fine detail. 

It's really all irrelevant why someone's past relationships didn't work out, at least to some extent. Don't get me wrong, because if you were in a very long relationship or even more so - a marriage, and things didn't work out, the person that you're starting something new with might ask you why things didn't work out, and you should give them a direct and honest reason. But again, going into such fine detail to the point where they might question your love for them is just too much. There's no need to provoke a healthy relationship by digging into someone's past, and asking them unnecessary and undesirable questions that might only bring added, unwanted tension that. 

Many times because of our past, and because of what we've learned from it, we become such amazing, strong, and enlightened individuals. Having said that, if you have a lot of baggage that you're carrying around from previous relationships which include wounds, heartache, and things of the sort that have made you into the type of person where you've built emotional walls, where you don't trust others, and you don't give people a clean slate, then you're likely not even in a place that you should be dating at all. 

If that sounds like you, then I'd rethink being in the dating scene or staying in your current relationship altogether, and at least let your partner know why you're not ready, because that's a pretty darn good reason to break up. It's important to be emotionally available when dating someone new, and in order to give a new situation a genuine chance. It's imperative to have an open heart, and to give each new situation a clean slate without bringing in any wounds from your past which would make you want to compare your new partner and your new relationship to your ex even more.

Remember, comparing your current love to your past love won't do you any good, and your partner likely won't be pleased about it either, and neither would you if they were the one's doing the comparing. There's never a good reason to open up Pandora's box, or to even dig into someone's past to the point where it could bring up negative feelings and issues for your current relationship. 

Life is about happiness, and when it comes to building a new relationship with someone, you should do so in a loving and happy manner where you concentrate on who you and your partner are today, and how you'd like to go forward in life, as well as seeing if your partner's hopes, dreams, and desires are aligned with yours.

Last but not least, if you're the type of person that keeps comparing your current man or woman to an ex to the point where it affects you or them, then you might actually be with the wrong person. Unless of course, it's in a positive manner where you're stunned and to the point of feeling ecstatic because your new partner is so damn incredible, and you feel that nothing in this world has ever even remotely compared to him or her. Then it's okay.

The Empowerment of Wanting Happiness for Your Ex

You should always want others to experience the happiness and joy of life. Even if we're talking about an ex spouse, and ex-girlfriend, or an ex-boyfriend. Although it isn't the easiest of things to do at times, it's something that you can truly benefit from. You should want the happiness of others even when they've hurt you, broken your heart, or found a new love that they're more compatible with.

Just because you and your ex didn't work out doesn't mean that you hold a grudge or wish them any bad will or feelings. To get to this stage of enlightenment is a big deal, because it will bring you more peace and happiness in life. When you're able to accept the fact that you and your ex are not together anymore, you're headed in the right direction. But the next step is to make peace with the fact that you've gone your separate ways, and be willing to give your light and love to them even from afar, knowing that they've moved on.

Wishing someone the best can be done in many ways without even having to say a word. Whether you're in communication with your ex, whether you're cordial or even if you've ended on bad terms, it's important to dive into the spiritual world and find a place deep within you where you can still wish them love, happiness, and an easy path in their life. When you get to this level of enlightenment, your journey in life and towards finding a new love of your own will be much greater. 

Remember, even if your ex doesn't wish you the best, you can still take the highroad and wish them well regardless, because it just shows what kind of person you are. Just make sure that it's genuine. For your own well being and whether you have children with your ex or not, you should strive towards getting to the stage of enlightenment where you can truly wish happiness onto others, despite your past with them, and regardless of the circumstances.

The Power of Being Able to Receive a Compliment

Being able to accept and receive the love of another person is something that we all need to be able to do. A lot of people are great at giving to others, but sometimes they struggle when it's time for them to receive. I've already written on both of those subjects. But when it comes to receiving love from another person, I thought it would be great to go into a bit more detail when it comes to receiving compliments from someone. 

Being able to receive a compliment from another person is part of being able to receive love. Therefore, they both go hand-in-hand. So if you're able to receive love and you do so open heartedly, then you're likely going to be able to receive compliments as well. This is why we should work on both areas of self improvement.

Many times people feel that they receive compliments that they don't feel worthy of. If someone is being genuine and they tell you their feelings or compliment you on something, it's important to know that they're speaking from their heart. Giving someone empty or fake complements is never a kind act. If you're not being genuine when you say or do anything, it can throw a lot of people off, so you shouldn't do it period. But when someone is being very genuine with their words and what they say to you, it's important to not only say thank you, but to say thank you and absorb what they say, and to feel worthy of it as well. 

A lot of people have low self-esteems and simply can't handle being complemented. Maybe it's because they actually have high self-esteems and feel that they could've done better at whatever it was, so they have a hard time accepting a compliment for their achievement. Usually perfectionists and high achievers struggle in this area. Despite a person's reason for not being able to accept and absorb a complement in the way that they should, it's important to recognize it as something that needs improvement on. We should all be self-aware enough to recognize our imperfections, and if one of those imperfections is not being able to receive a compliment in the right manner, then we need to work on it. 

Receiving a compliment is more than simply saying thank you, but it's truly believing that you're worthy the compliment. It's imperative to know our worth, despite whether we have a low self-esteem or even if where the perfectionist type and we feel we could've done better. If someone is loving enough to give you a compliment, be kind enough to show your thanks, and keep a positive attitude. 

It's an obvious thing when someone can't handle compliment very well, but it's usually not obvious to the other person as to why. This is why we should all work on ourselves as individuals to the point where we're able to accept hearing good things about ourselves, even if we don't believe them to be true. Hopefully at some point, we'll all know how great we are, and be able to accept the love and kind words from others, without even questioning if we deserved to hear such good things. Last but not least, remember not to let too many compliments get to your head or anything, because arrogance is ugly, so stay humble. 

Friday, September 16, 2016

When You're in Competition with Your Partner

When you're in a relationship with someone, you should want each other to succeed in everything. Although it might seem obvious to most that you're on the same team, at times one or both people in a relationship feel competitive with one another. Whether they have a competitive nature and they're doing an activity together or whether their competitive in business or anything else for that matter, it's never good to compete with your partner, because after all, you're on the same side, the same team, and what's a partner if one of you is trying to beat the other. 

Wanting to succeed at things is something that we should all hope to want and feel the drive for. But winning, beating or achieving more than your significant other shouldn't be a conquest. As a Chess player, I find that when I play chess against someone that I'm dating, they can't always handle it, at least not when they're losing. If they can't handle losing to me (not that they always do), they tend to get cold, distant, break up, and it's almost as if I've taken their manhood or something. 

Some couples simply can't play competitive games or sports with one another, because they just can't take the heat or they it affects their ego. It's kind of ridiculous if you'd ask me. After all, it's a game. This isn't always the case by the way, but I've definitely seen the sore loser a few times, and even at a young age. Honestly, I was going to say that there's a time and a place for ego - But really - there isn't, so there's simply no good excuse to being a bad loser in a competitive game of chess or anything else with someone that you're dating (playing Chess is merely one example).

Being better at someone else at something isn't necessarily a bad thing, because we're all better or worse at this or that than others. You can't expect to be identical to someone or to do everything in the very same manner or level that your partner does. You should be happy for your partner if they're better at certain things than you, and they should be happy for you in the same manner. 

Being partners means supporting one another, and wanting each other to succeed at everything in life. Even if they succeed at things or achieve things easier or even better than you do. You should be your partner's biggest fan. Remember to support your loved one, and show them with your words, your actions, and by not being competitive with them. Being supportive of one another when in a relationship is one of the most beautiful ways of showing your partner how much you love and care for them. 

Feeling Worthy of Love and Happiness

We all deserve to feel happiness and get the chance at experiencing true love. There are people that have had upbringings which made them think a certain way, as if they're undeserving of love, joy, and happiness. In our minds, we're all worthy of what we believe we're worthy of. It's all in our heads, and we can control the way that we think, and how we talk to ourselves. We should only talk kindly about ourselves, and think good thoughts. We're all capable of changing our way of thinking from negative to positive, and literally at the drop of a dime.

It's important to let go of your past, to rid yourself of the misconception that you're not good enough, and take on a whole new mentality, outlook, and approach. You need to develop a good self-esteem to the point where you truly believe that you're not only good enough, but that you deserve love, you deserve happiness, and that you're going to get it.

Having an optimistic outlook and approach is imperative if you're hoping to find your best possible match in life. You can't walk around with a chip on your shoulder, thinking or saying pessimistic and negative things to others or even to yourself if you want to actually get the chance at experiencing love. Pessimism and negativity are two things that are not only unappealing, but they're also a big turn off to everyone around you, let alone someone that might consider dating you.

If you want others to like you, then you have to like yourself. If you want to find a match that likes them self and that feels whole and self-confident, then you need to feel and act the very same way. You should love yourself inside and out, and not give two cents about what anyone else thinks about who you are or what you look like. You need to feel confident enough that as Rihanna would put it, you'll "shine like a diamond." Seriously though, because there is something shiney about a confident person. They radiate light and love.

Getting the opportunity to meet that special someone of your dreams is not something that you should take for granted. You could miss out on so many good and promising opportunities to find the love of your life if you're not going to be mentally or emotionally ready. It's important to be ready in every possible aspect when it comes to putting yourself out there to date and meet someone. You need know what you want, have pure intentions, have a positive outlook, and be confident and fearless as far as going after what you want. 

You'd be surprised at how many people there are in this world that feel unworthy of love, happiness, or even having an amazing partner in life. If that sounds like you, then you should throw caution to the wind. Let go of all of those mumbo-jumbo negative thoughts and statements. Take a deep breath, and destroy your old pattern of negative self talk, and start thinking and saying positive things in regards to who you are, what you look like, what you're capable of, what you have, and what you deserve. 

Remember, you deserve every bit of happiness in the world. You just need to be ready to embrace it. So shake off all of your negative statements, thoughts, and pessimism, because today, right now, and in this very moment, you can start a new, positive, and enlightened approach to life and finding your true love. That is, if you believe that you can.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Single Parents Dating: Replacing the Other Parent

When you have kids from a previous situation or marriage, those children are priority. Kids should definitely be treated as a priority, and they should always come first. Children can't fend for themselves, and they need to be taken care of. Any good parent would put their child above you when it comes to dating. 

If you're thinking about dating a single parent, you're going to have to accept the fact that their child or children are going to come first. Therefore, you not only open to dating someone that has kids, but you also need to understand that their children are going to be a priority to them, so their dating schedule might not be as flexible as you'd like it to be. 

When it comes to dating a single parent, you should be getting to know the person that you're dating, as well as be open to listening to how they talk about their child or children. The way that a single parent talks about their children says a lot about their character and their style of parenting. As well, it's important to know that someone's child is a part of them, a huge part of their life, and always will be. This is something that you need to be okay with if considering dating a single parent.

A single parent should never try to replace the other parent, despite if they think highly of them or not. I've never been a big fan of single parents that talk bad about their exes. For me personally, that's a huge red flag. Talking bad about others is a definite no-no, but talking bad about the other parent of your children is a red flag. There's a certain amount of respect that you should have for the other parent, whether or not you and that parent get along very well or not. 

After a few dates or whenever you feel ready to explore an exclusive relationship with a single parent, you might get a chance at meeting their children. I personally feel that it's best to be in an exclusive relationship before that introduction. It's better to already know that you're in a promising situation that has potential to go forward, before meeting someone's kids. Depending on when a single parent feels comfortable to introduce their kids to the person that they're dating, there's something that you should know - they're not looking to replace the other parent

If you explore a relationship with a single parent, it's important to know that not now, and not ever are you going to be viewed as a replacement to the other parent. The single parent shouldn't view you as a possible replacement to their ex, and you shouldn't view yourself as a possible replacement either.

You should never try to replace the other parent or even think that it's your job or what's expected, because it's not. It's important to know that dating or being with a single parent doesn't define you as a replacement. Just as well, it's important for the other parent to know that you have no intention of replacing them. Being a good step parent is all about being a good role model, and a good parental figure to the kids. As well, it's also about the children seeing the love between you and their parent. 

I don't know about other single parents, but for me, if my kids don't like someone or someone doesn't seem to get along well with my kids (Thank God that hasn't happened yet), I won't pursue the situation any further. It's kind of funny if you think about it - When we're young kids, our parents tell us whether or not they approve of who we date. But when we have children from a previous marriage or situation, I feel that it's important to get your kids approval of the person that you date. 

The Endless Checklist of Unresonable Expectations

Being single and in the dating scene is no day at the park. But there are a few things that can make it a lot easier. First off, you have to know what you want or have some idea of what you're looking for in another person. Secondly, you should be willing to compromise and not be set on finding the perfect person, because that obviously doesn't exist. 

One of the biggest problems that people have in the dating scene is that they're looking for perfection, and not just their best possible match. Like I said, perfection doesn't exist, so you should stop looking for perfect, or this idea of an exact type. Whether you think you have an exact type or not, you don't. What you think might be your type as far as looks or personality goes usually isn't even the type of person that you'll end up being with. I've seen it time and time again where people end up marrying others that were nothing like the exact match that they had envisioned. 

I don't know if this is the second biggest problem in the dating scene or if it's just one of the many, but people seem to have endless checklists of things that they expect to find in a partner. If you're looking for a person that has every single thing on your checklist, you're going to be looking for a long, long, long time. God only knows if you'll ever find what you're looking for if you're going to expect a person to have every little detail that you want, and be exactly how you want them to be.

There's really not a big difference between someone that's looking for a perfect person and someone that has an endless checklist. It's really the same damn thing if you think about it, because you're wanting something that doesn't exist and there's more than a high chance that you won't find. 

You have to be willing to compromise when it comes to finding the right person. Relationships take give-and-take, and they should be pretty fair all around, at least if it's a healthy relationship. It's one thing to have a few must-have's in what you're looking for in a partner. But it's another thing to have an endless checklist of unreasonable expectations. 

Many people are having these endless checklists where if a person doesn't have every little thing on their list of must-have's, then they peace out and end the situation with them - that might've actually been very promising. The truth is, no one will stand a chance dating a person that has an endless checklist, because it shows that they're an unreasonable person, and that their expectations are impossible to achieve. 

You can't have everything that you want in one person. I think that's the bottom-line and what it really all boils down to. A lot of people are single, because they think they're going to find this perfect idea of what a perfect match is. What they're missing out on is the fact that seemingly reality hasn't set in for them, because being with someone at all, let alone your best possible match is going to take hard work, acceptance, and the ability to compromise. 

Remember, if you're not willing to compromise and take some of the good with some of the bad, and shorten your expectations and must-have list, then you're going to wind up alone, and that's the last thing that anyone would want. 
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