Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Beginning of a New Relationship

There's something miraculous about a new love. A new love is pure, without flaws, without mistakes, and without any issues or problems. A new love has all of the potential in the world to be your greatest love. It's important to have an open heart so that when we embrace a new love interest, that we do so on a blank clean slate, without bringing fears, expectations, or any hurt, anger, and what we'd all referred to as baggage from previous relationships. 

A new love is essentially pure in every way. It's important to give a new love interest a genuine chance at becoming a successful relationship. In order to do that, this new pure situation must be based on a solid strong foundation. This foundation should be built upon trust, honesty, communication, and respect. 
There are many ways to keep the fire alive in a relationship. It's important to do whatever it takes to make things work when a situation has potential. Although it's true that the honeymoon phase is generally supposed to be the happiest of all times. However, just as there are ways to keep the fire alive, there are also ways that we can make the honeymoon period last for a lifetime. 
Healthy relationships take hard work and effort from both people. It's important for couples to view each other as best friends and partners. Relationships involve give and take. Both people need to concentrate on giving, as well as being able to receive. There's no place for selfishness or dishonesty in a new relationship or in any relationship for that matter (new or old). 

It's important to treat a long-term relationship, and even more so, a marriage, as if it's a brand-new relationship. The longer that you've been with someone in a committed relationship, the more work, effort, and understanding that should be given towards making things work. To build a relationship that's healthy, based on a solid, strong foundation is imperative. But, maintaining the integrity of the relationship for the long term takes hard work that doesn't stop just because two people are used to each other. 
There comes a point in every relationship where both people may question whether or not the other person is still in love with them or just used to them. Remember, there's nothing wrong with reminding your partner how much they mean to you, showing them how much you appreciate them, and letting them know by your actions and your words. There should always be a healthy balance between what you say and what you do. Your actions should be apparent, just as much as your words. 

The longer that you're with someone, the more that you should concentrate on improving your relationship. One of the best ways of improving long-term relationships is to concentrate on giving, and by giving, I mean giving in a selfless manner. When one partner gives, the other person should be willing to receive and reciprocate the love that's shown to them. Remember, a love that's pure is not defined by the length of the relationship, but by how well that love is maintained and cared for.

Friday, September 23, 2016

Lying to Ourselves, Pretending Everything Is Okay

For many people, the truth is hard to hear or even to acknowledge at times. We don't always want to hear the truth, because either it hurts too much or because we don't want to lose something or someone. But most of all, we don't want anything to change. We avoid knowing or hearing reality at times, because it seems easier than having to deal with the truth. But the biggest problem with doing that is that we're postponing what's bound to happen anyway. 

So instead, many times we avoid things like communication, friendships, or anything that could provoke having to feel and embrace the truth of what you might already know. When we do so, we're basically living a lie, hoping that it will just go away by ignoring it. All this does is leave us empty, cold, and in a distant state of mind mentally and emotionally. 

It's hard to live with pent-up feelings that you're afraid to vent or communicate to someone. You should never have to fear communicating with someone that you love, worried for their reaction or response. As well, you should never have to avoid embracing the reality of a situation and what's become, because holding those emotions deep inside of you will end up hurting you much greater down the line. 

It's understandable why many times people prefer to ignore the truth when it comes to whether or not someone loves us, wants to be with us anymore, or even feels that their lives together have become empty and loveless. The last thing that anyone wants is to feel even more miserable than they might already feel by possibly losing something that they hold so close to their hearts. This especially goes for when someone feels that their spouse or loved one no longer feels close to them or in love. 

Although it's painful, it's imperative to address these types of issues sooner, rather than later. Nothing is more hardening of the soul than to be in a loveless marriage or relationship with someone. In a scenario as such, it's pretty pointless to stay in that type of situation unless you're willing to communicate your feelings to your partner, try to improve on your relationship, and come to terms with the reality of what you're both feeling. 

Self improvement, good communication, and hard work is what it will take to fix relationships that suffer in these ways. You can do your part not hiding what's going on inside of you, but rather to express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns to your loved one. You see, then at least your relationship will stand a chance at being happy again. Just remember, lying to yourself and pretending that everything's okay when it's not won't change anything. Your feelings, your partner's feelings, and your whole relationship will likely suffer if you act stubborn, hold it all inside, or even deny that there's a problem.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Playing Games in Relationships

Playing games in relationships are one of the biggest ways that people destroy something that could be beautiful. Unless you're into sports, board games, or playing chess, games have the power to ruin everything that you might truly want in life (or at least, in your love life). I'm sure that many of you know what types of games I'm referring to (click here). For the amount of people that have gotten played or screwed over by someone at some point in their life, I'm sure most of us are well aware about the different types of mind games there are.

Playing mind games in relationships is something that may appear to some as if they'll have the advantage or the one up so to speak in the relationship. On the contrary, despite what people think that play these types of mind games, many people that don't play mind games are actually choosing not to play mind games, and are well aware of those that do so. They might even play along with you, acting as if they have no idea what's going on, and then playing them back. But if you'd ask me, that's just as bad.

There shouldn't be competition with your partner in life or with any potential love interest either. Competition is meant for on the field, on the court, in the ice rink, or other places as such. Competition is not supposed to be had between two people that have truly good intentions with one another, and in building a life together. There shouldn't be a one up or a winner in arguments between couples. If anything, you should want your partner to succeed and win in nearly everything, and even if it puts you at a disadvantage in some way. That's what true agape love is. True love is being selfless, and wanting your partner's happiness, and even above your own at times.

By playing games, you not only won't be in the lead while dating or in a relationship, but you'll be set back, and have even more growth needed towards developing a healthy, happy, and loving relationship. When you play games, you're not being true to yourself or to your partner. Many times people play games not to try to take advantage of another person per se, but on some unconscious level, that's what they're doing. You see, even in cases where someone wants to know how much their partner loves them, they might play hard to get, but by doing so, they're not being honest with themself or their partner.

Playing hard to get is only one form of a mind game, and it's not even one of the worst. The reason that it's not one of the worst ways of playing games is because people that are usually playing hard to get are doing so, because they lack good communication skills. They usually lack the skills because they're usually too shy or afraid that their partner will judge them for not being ready on an intimate level or even on an emotional level. In cases as such, the couple needs to develop better communication. Having said that, sometimes people take playing hard to get to a different extent in which it would be considered a truly unfortunate and toxic mind game. This would be when someone is trying to get the advantage in a situation, or even use the other person, and they usually have different motives than what they say.

There are many other types of mind games that people play like making someone believe that you're into them, or even that you're in love with them, when you're not even remotely interested in anything other than getting into bed with them. This is a big problem in the dating scene, and even more so when it comes to online dating. This is why it's so imperative that we all go into new situations with a certain amount of caution. You should never have to feel afraid to let go, to be yourself, or even to develop feelings for someone new. However, I don't believe that anyone should fully let their guard down until they know a person a little bit. In other words, you should go into situations with caution, but without fear.

If you're afraid to fall in love, you likely won't get very far in any new relationship. I've only listed a couple of unhealthy games that people play, so it's important to be aware that there are obviously many more. All you really need to do is go into new situations with caution, and you'll be way ahead of the game (pun intended). Remember, despite the fact that playing games with someone's mind and feelings might seem to give you an advantage or might even get you what you want, you'll lose in the long run, because hurting other people is far from being enlightened and good, and karma will likely bite you back at some point.

You Can't Force Someone into a Commitment

You can't force someone to do anything in life, and you definitely can't force anyone to want to be in an exclusive relationship with you if they don't want to. Whether someone isn't ready to be in a relationship with you or at all for that matter, you should be clear about whether there's any truth and legitimacy to that or whether they're simply not into you. 

Unfortunately, when people aren't direct, it can be a way of stringing someone along while they figure out what they want in life. You should know whether someone is interested and really doesn't want to be in a relationship with you or whether they're just brushing you off because they lack interest in you altogether.

When somebody wants to be with you, you'll know it by their words and their actions. You should never have to read someone's mind in order to find out if they like you. When people want to be with someone, they make it obvious by making the time for you, and even by pursuing you until you literally know that they're interested. 

Knowing whether or not someone loves you shouldn't be a guessing game, so if you question it, you can simply ask the person. Whether or not they're interested, there's still the bottom line of them not wanting a relationship with you, and that's something that you need to come to terms with. So at the end of the day, it's irrelevant, and you should move on.

You shouldn't stick around waiting for someone to be ready and available for you. You should live your life, do your own thing, and if they come around when they're available and ready to be in a relationship with you, then you can explore that situation if you're still single, interested, and ready yourself. However, sitting there, wasting your time, and moping around because someone doesn't want to be with you is the worst thing that you can do to yourself. Doing such can literally destroy your self-esteem, your pride, and your self-respect. 

You should love yourself enough to be good to you, and not wait around for someone who isn't at the same level and page as you are. Waiting around for someone that isn't ready could very likely leave you alone at the end of the day, and they might even become ready, but end up becoming available to someone else instead. You deserve more than to wait for someone that doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. You should know your worth, and close the door to that situation, so that you can find your perfect match that will be ready, and just when you are.

Nothing in life is good when it's forced. That goes for forcing someone's feelings, forcing someone to be with you in a relationship, or even forcing friendships. If you have to force a person to be with you, and you end up together, staying in each other's lives, you'll never really know or feel that it was genuine and that they're with you because they actually wanted to be with you or because they felt forced or trapped. 

It's better for people to be authentic and genuine. If someone doesn't want to be with you, it's better to know now, rather than later. You don't need to feel down and depressed, because they don't want you. You'll never have to force the right match to be with you, because they'll likely want to be with you just as much is you want to be with them. So be patient, and stay optimistic in your search, and remember, you should never have to force a relationship.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Mistake of Comparing Someone to an Ex

Most people that have been dating for a while have likely explored at least one relationship in their life, and likely at least one break up as well. For those that know what it's like to be in an exclusive relationship, and even more so to move on from one, they know what it's like to experience a whole new person and an entirely different relationship from their previous one. 

A lot of people tend to compare the new person that they're dating or in a relationship with, as well as their new relationship altogether to their past one. For many people, comparing is something that they're conscious and aware of avoiding at all costs. But for some, they tend to compare, which isn't necessarily a good thing. 

Not only don't other people like to be compared to someone's ex, but you likely don't like to be compared to someone's ex either. Everyone wants to feel like they're your very first love, and that your relationship with them tops all others that you might've experienced in your past. Having said that, those are pretty high expectations, so it's important not to get caught up with so many comparisons, because either you or your partner isn't going to be brutally honest about it, or it might even cloud your mind with confusion as to, "Well what the hell am I doing with this person, being that my last relationship and partner were so much better!"

We don't need to cloud our minds with toxic, pessimistic, or negative thoughts that will end up getting us nowhere. It's true, many times we question ourselves and the situation that we're in when things are actually pretty darn good. Our past and our exes are usually in the past, because the person wasn't right for us or for whatever other reasons. 

Past should remain in the past, and if you're in a new relationship, then it's important to give that new person a genuine chance and a fresh clean slate, without bringing in baggage of comparisons from what you've experienced in your past. You should never compare the person that you're dating or in a relationship with to anyone from your past, and for many reasons. 

The sole reason isn't just because it might cloud up your mind with confusion or doubts towards who you're with right now. But even more so, it could bring drama and turbulence to your current relationship. It's more than a good idea to prevent the unnecessary drama of asking your partner too many deep questions about who they've dated, why their relationships didn't work out, and to the point of wanting fine detail. 

It's really all irrelevant why someone's past relationships didn't work out, at least to some extent. Don't get me wrong, because if you were in a very long relationship or even more so - a marriage, and things didn't work out, the person that you're starting something new with might ask you why things didn't work out, and you should give them a direct and honest reason. But again, going into such fine detail to the point where they might question your love for them is just too much. There's no need to provoke a healthy relationship by digging into someone's past, and asking them unnecessary and undesirable questions that might only bring added, unwanted tension that. 

Many times because of our past, and because of what we've learned from it, we become such amazing, strong, and enlightened individuals. Having said that, if you have a lot of baggage that you're carrying around from previous relationships which include wounds, heartache, and things of the sort that have made you into the type of person where you've built emotional walls, where you don't trust others, and you don't give people a clean slate, then you're likely not even in a place that you should be dating at all. 

If that sounds like you, then I'd rethink being in the dating scene or staying in your current relationship altogether, and at least let your partner know why you're not ready, because that's a pretty darn good reason to break up. It's important to be emotionally available when dating someone new, and in order to give a new situation a genuine chance. It's imperative to have an open heart, and to give each new situation a clean slate without bringing in any wounds from your past which would make you want to compare your new partner and your new relationship to your ex even more.

Remember, comparing your current love to your past love won't do you any good, and your partner likely won't be pleased about it either, and neither would you if they were the one's doing the comparing. There's never a good reason to open up Pandora's box, or to even dig into someone's past to the point where it could bring up negative feelings and issues for your current relationship. 

Life is about happiness, and when it comes to building a new relationship with someone, you should do so in a loving and happy manner where you concentrate on who you and your partner are today, and how you'd like to go forward in life, as well as seeing if your partner's hopes, dreams, and desires are aligned with yours.

Last but not least, if you're the type of person that keeps comparing your current man or woman to an ex to the point where it affects you or them, then you might actually be with the wrong person. Unless of course, it's in a positive manner where you're stunned and to the point of feeling ecstatic because your new partner is so damn incredible, and you feel that nothing in this world has ever even remotely compared to him or her. Then it's okay.

The Empowerment of Wanting Happiness for Your Ex

You should always want others to experience the happiness and joy of life. Even if we're talking about an ex spouse, and ex-girlfriend, or an ex-boyfriend. Although it isn't the easiest of things to do at times, it's something that you can truly benefit from. You should want the happiness of others even when they've hurt you, broken your heart, or found a new love that they're more compatible with.

Just because you and your ex didn't work out doesn't mean that you hold a grudge or wish them any bad will or feelings. To get to this stage of enlightenment is a big deal, because it will bring you more peace and happiness in life. When you're able to accept the fact that you and your ex are not together anymore, you're headed in the right direction. But the next step is to make peace with the fact that you've gone your separate ways, and be willing to give your light and love to them even from afar, knowing that they've moved on.

Wishing someone the best can be done in many ways without even having to say a word. Whether you're in communication with your ex, whether you're cordial or even if you've ended on bad terms, it's important to dive into the spiritual world and find a place deep within you where you can still wish them love, happiness, and an easy path in their life. When you get to this level of enlightenment, your journey in life and towards finding a new love of your own will be much greater. 

Remember, even if your ex doesn't wish you the best, you can still take the highroad and wish them well regardless, because it just shows what kind of person you are. Just make sure that it's genuine. For your own well being and whether you have children with your ex or not, you should strive towards getting to the stage of enlightenment where you can truly wish happiness onto others, despite your past with them, and regardless of the circumstances.

The Power of Being Able to Receive a Compliment

Being able to accept and receive the love of another person is something that we all need to be able to do. A lot of people are great at giving to others, but sometimes they struggle when it's time for them to receive. I've already written on both of those subjects. But when it comes to receiving love from another person, I thought it would be great to go into a bit more detail when it comes to receiving compliments from someone. 

Being able to receive a compliment from another person is part of being able to receive love. Therefore, they both go hand-in-hand. So if you're able to receive love and you do so open heartedly, then you're likely going to be able to receive compliments as well. This is why we should work on both areas of self improvement.

Many times people feel that they receive compliments that they don't feel worthy of. If someone is being genuine and they tell you their feelings or compliment you on something, it's important to know that they're speaking from their heart. Giving someone empty or fake complements is never a kind act. If you're not being genuine when you say or do anything, it can throw a lot of people off, so you shouldn't do it period. But when someone is being very genuine with their words and what they say to you, it's important to not only say thank you, but to say thank you and absorb what they say, and to feel worthy of it as well. 

A lot of people have low self-esteems and simply can't handle being complemented. Maybe it's because they actually have high self-esteems and feel that they could've done better at whatever it was, so they have a hard time accepting a compliment for their achievement. Usually perfectionists and high achievers struggle in this area. Despite a person's reason for not being able to accept and absorb a complement in the way that they should, it's important to recognize it as something that needs improvement on. We should all be self-aware enough to recognize our imperfections, and if one of those imperfections is not being able to receive a compliment in the right manner, then we need to work on it. 

Receiving a compliment is more than simply saying thank you, but it's truly believing that you're worthy the compliment. It's imperative to know our worth, despite whether we have a low self-esteem or even if where the perfectionist type and we feel we could've done better. If someone is loving enough to give you a compliment, be kind enough to show your thanks, and keep a positive attitude. 

It's an obvious thing when someone can't handle compliment very well, but it's usually not obvious to the other person as to why. This is why we should all work on ourselves as individuals to the point where we're able to accept hearing good things about ourselves, even if we don't believe them to be true. Hopefully at some point, we'll all know how great we are, and be able to accept the love and kind words from others, without even questioning if we deserved to hear such good things. Last but not least, remember not to let too many compliments get to your head or anything, because arrogance is ugly, so stay humble. 

Friday, September 16, 2016

When You're in Competition with Your Partner

When you're in a relationship with someone, you should want each other to succeed in everything. Although it might seem obvious to most that you're on the same team, at times one or both people in a relationship feel competitive with one another. Whether they have a competitive nature and they're doing an activity together or whether their competitive in business or anything else for that matter, it's never good to compete with your partner, because after all, you're on the same side, the same team, and what's a partner if one of you is trying to beat the other. 

Wanting to succeed at things is something that we should all hope to want and feel the drive for. But winning, beating or achieving more than your significant other shouldn't be a conquest. As a Chess player, I find that when I play chess against someone that I'm dating, they can't always handle it, at least not when they're losing. If they can't handle losing to me (not that they always do), they tend to get cold, distant, break up, and it's almost as if I've taken their manhood or something. 

Some couples simply can't play competitive games or sports with one another, because they just can't take the heat or they it affects their ego. It's kind of ridiculous if you'd ask me. After all, it's a game. This isn't always the case by the way, but I've definitely seen the sore loser a few times, and even at a young age. Honestly, I was going to say that there's a time and a place for ego - But really - there isn't, so there's simply no good excuse to being a bad loser in a competitive game of chess or anything else with someone that you're dating (playing Chess is merely one example).

Being better at someone else at something isn't necessarily a bad thing, because we're all better or worse at this or that than others. You can't expect to be identical to someone or to do everything in the very same manner or level that your partner does. You should be happy for your partner if they're better at certain things than you, and they should be happy for you in the same manner. 

Being partners means supporting one another, and wanting each other to succeed at everything in life. Even if they succeed at things or achieve things easier or even better than you do. You should be your partner's biggest fan. Remember to support your loved one, and show them with your words, your actions, and by not being competitive with them. Being supportive of one another when in a relationship is one of the most beautiful ways of showing your partner how much you love and care for them. 

Feeling Worthy of Love and Happiness

We all deserve to feel happiness and get the chance at experiencing true love. There are people that have had upbringings which made them think a certain way, as if they're undeserving of love, joy, and happiness. In our minds, we're all worthy of what we believe we're worthy of. It's all in our heads, and we can control the way that we think, and how we talk to ourselves. We should only talk kindly about ourselves, and think good thoughts. We're all capable of changing our way of thinking from negative to positive, and literally at the drop of a dime.

It's important to let go of your past, to rid yourself of the misconception that you're not good enough, and take on a whole new mentality, outlook, and approach. You need to develop a good self-esteem to the point where you truly believe that you're not only good enough, but that you deserve love, you deserve happiness, and that you're going to get it.

Having an optimistic outlook and approach is imperative if you're hoping to find your best possible match in life. You can't walk around with a chip on your shoulder, thinking or saying pessimistic and negative things to others or even to yourself if you want to actually get the chance at experiencing love. Pessimism and negativity are two things that are not only unappealing, but they're also a big turn off to everyone around you, let alone someone that might consider dating you.

If you want others to like you, then you have to like yourself. If you want to find a match that likes them self and that feels whole and self-confident, then you need to feel and act the very same way. You should love yourself inside and out, and not give two cents about what anyone else thinks about who you are or what you look like. You need to feel confident enough that as Rihanna would put it, you'll "shine like a diamond." Seriously though, because there is something shiney about a confident person. They radiate light and love.

Getting the opportunity to meet that special someone of your dreams is not something that you should take for granted. You could miss out on so many good and promising opportunities to find the love of your life if you're not going to be mentally or emotionally ready. It's important to be ready in every possible aspect when it comes to putting yourself out there to date and meet someone. You need know what you want, have pure intentions, have a positive outlook, and be confident and fearless as far as going after what you want. 

You'd be surprised at how many people there are in this world that feel unworthy of love, happiness, or even having an amazing partner in life. If that sounds like you, then you should throw caution to the wind. Let go of all of those mumbo-jumbo negative thoughts and statements. Take a deep breath, and destroy your old pattern of negative self talk, and start thinking and saying positive things in regards to who you are, what you look like, what you're capable of, what you have, and what you deserve. 

Remember, you deserve every bit of happiness in the world. You just need to be ready to embrace it. So shake off all of your negative statements, thoughts, and pessimism, because today, right now, and in this very moment, you can start a new, positive, and enlightened approach to life and finding your true love. That is, if you believe that you can.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Single Parents Dating: Replacing the Other Parent

When you have kids from a previous situation or marriage, those children are priority. Kids should definitely be treated as a priority, and they should always come first. Children can't fend for themselves, and they need to be taken care of. Any good parent would put their child above you when it comes to dating. 

If you're thinking about dating a single parent, you're going to have to accept the fact that their child or children are going to come first. Therefore, you not only open to dating someone that has kids, but you also need to understand that their children are going to be a priority to them, so their dating schedule might not be as flexible as you'd like it to be. 

When it comes to dating a single parent, you should be getting to know the person that you're dating, as well as be open to listening to how they talk about their child or children. The way that a single parent talks about their children says a lot about their character and their style of parenting. As well, it's important to know that someone's child is a part of them, a huge part of their life, and always will be. This is something that you need to be okay with if considering dating a single parent.

A single parent should never try to replace the other parent, despite if they think highly of them or not. I've never been a big fan of single parents that talk bad about their exes. For me personally, that's a huge red flag. Talking bad about others is a definite no-no, but talking bad about the other parent of your children is a red flag. There's a certain amount of respect that you should have for the other parent, whether or not you and that parent get along very well or not. 

After a few dates or whenever you feel ready to explore an exclusive relationship with a single parent, you might get a chance at meeting their children. I personally feel that it's best to be in an exclusive relationship before that introduction. It's better to already know that you're in a promising situation that has potential to go forward, before meeting someone's kids. Depending on when a single parent feels comfortable to introduce their kids to the person that they're dating, there's something that you should know - they're not looking to replace the other parent

If you explore a relationship with a single parent, it's important to know that not now, and not ever are you going to be viewed as a replacement to the other parent. The single parent shouldn't view you as a possible replacement to their ex, and you shouldn't view yourself as a possible replacement either.

You should never try to replace the other parent or even think that it's your job or what's expected, because it's not. It's important to know that dating or being with a single parent doesn't define you as a replacement. Just as well, it's important for the other parent to know that you have no intention of replacing them. Being a good step parent is all about being a good role model, and a good parental figure to the kids. As well, it's also about the children seeing the love between you and their parent. 

I don't know about other single parents, but for me, if my kids don't like someone or someone doesn't seem to get along well with my kids (Thank God that hasn't happened yet), I won't pursue the situation any further. It's kind of funny if you think about it - When we're young kids, our parents tell us whether or not they approve of who we date. But when we have children from a previous marriage or situation, I feel that it's important to get your kids approval of the person that you date. 

The Endless Checklist of Unresonable Expectations

Being single and in the dating scene is no day at the park. But there are a few things that can make it a lot easier. First off, you have to know what you want or have some idea of what you're looking for in another person. Secondly, you should be willing to compromise and not be set on finding the perfect person, because that obviously doesn't exist. 

One of the biggest problems that people have in the dating scene is that they're looking for perfection, and not just their best possible match. Like I said, perfection doesn't exist, so you should stop looking for perfect, or this idea of an exact type. Whether you think you have an exact type or not, you don't. What you think might be your type as far as looks or personality goes usually isn't even the type of person that you'll end up being with. I've seen it time and time again where people end up marrying others that were nothing like the exact match that they had envisioned. 

I don't know if this is the second biggest problem in the dating scene or if it's just one of the many, but people seem to have endless checklists of things that they expect to find in a partner. If you're looking for a person that has every single thing on your checklist, you're going to be looking for a long, long, long time. God only knows if you'll ever find what you're looking for if you're going to expect a person to have every little detail that you want, and be exactly how you want them to be.

There's really not a big difference between someone that's looking for a perfect person and someone that has an endless checklist. It's really the same damn thing if you think about it, because you're wanting something that doesn't exist and there's more than a high chance that you won't find. 

You have to be willing to compromise when it comes to finding the right person. Relationships take give-and-take, and they should be pretty fair all around, at least if it's a healthy relationship. It's one thing to have a few must-have's in what you're looking for in a partner. But it's another thing to have an endless checklist of unreasonable expectations. 

Many people are having these endless checklists where if a person doesn't have every little thing on their list of must-have's, then they peace out and end the situation with them - that might've actually been very promising. The truth is, no one will stand a chance dating a person that has an endless checklist, because it shows that they're an unreasonable person, and that their expectations are impossible to achieve. 

You can't have everything that you want in one person. I think that's the bottom-line and what it really all boils down to. A lot of people are single, because they think they're going to find this perfect idea of what a perfect match is. What they're missing out on is the fact that seemingly reality hasn't set in for them, because being with someone at all, let alone your best possible match is going to take hard work, acceptance, and the ability to compromise. 

Remember, if you're not willing to compromise and take some of the good with some of the bad, and shorten your expectations and must-have list, then you're going to wind up alone, and that's the last thing that anyone would want. 

Monday, September 12, 2016

How to Be a Great Conversationalist

Being a great conversationalist and knowing how to communicate well go hand-in-hand. Part of being a great conversationalist involves being a great listener, and part of being a great listener involves many of the following things I'm going to share with you. Just keep in mind that self improvement is not something that can be acquired, unless a person is willing to put in the effort and love in improving themselves. As well, no one can improve their communication with others or anything else in life if they're living in denial.

First of all, no one wants to listen to someone that acts like a know-it-all. Nothing is appealing or sexy about someone who acts like they know everything. In case the reason isn't obvious to some, people like being around others that are willing to hear them out, hear their views, and listen to their opinions, even if might not agree with them. There's no way of even knowing whether or not you agree with someone if you don't give them a chance to speak or hear them out. As well, there's no way to hear anyone out if you're busy doing all the talking, and not letting them get a word in. 

One of the great advantages of listening to someone else talk is that you might actually learn from what they have to say. Think about it. You already know the information that's inside of your head, because you want to say it. Therefore, it'll benefit you much more to hear what others think, because not only might you learn something new, but there's always the possibility that you might agree with they have to say. 

Maybe they'll say something logical that will hit home with you and strike a chord in some way. Perhaps in your next conversation with someone else on the same subject matter, you might view things differently or even have even more information on the subject. Either way, it's always good to have an open mind and hear others out, because like I said before, part of being a good conversationalist is being good listener. 

Something else to consider when it comes to being a great conversationalist is that you should have a certain amount of knowledge in whatever you're disgusting or talking about. If you don't have a lot of knowledge in what you're discussing, then that's even more of a reason to listen more than you speak. 

Another thing that's important when it comes to being a great conversationalist is the way that you express yourself and communicate your thoughts and opinions to others. If you walk around with an attitude where you come across as pompous and arrogant to others, no one's going to even bother to give you the time of day, let alone listen to all of your mumbo-jumbo arrogance. It's not going to matter what type of crazy-intelligent thing that you might know or want to share with someone, because if you're not going to be kind, polite, respectful, as well as open to hearing other people's views, no one's going to want to bother listening. 

It's important to be fair when it comes to communicating with others. Being fair plays a big role in how well you communicate. Everyone should get a turn to talk, and everyone should have enough poise and respect for the other person to be able to listen to them. The way that you talk to others and respond to what they have to say shows what type of character you have, and will definitely play a big role in whether or not the person will ever want to talk, discuss, or debate with you again. This goes for everyone, whether you're the debating type of person and you're talking politics or whether you're someone who prefers to avoid political discussions and heavy topics. 

The way that you communicate to others should be done in a kind way where you're not closed minded to the point where you act stubborn, egotistical, and arrogant. Arrogance is ugly and no one wants to feel controlled or unable to share their thoughts in a conversation. Being fair is imperative when it comes to being a great conversationalist. 

When it comes to relationships, having good communication is everything in regards to having peace in the home (shalom bayit). We all need to feel inner peace for ourselves and our own well-being. But, part of that inner peace and happiness starts in the home, and in the environment in which we reside. 

The way that we handle arguments and confrontation with our partner and loved ones when they're upset can make a big difference on how much peace we have in our home. This is why great communication plays a big role in how much peace we have in our homes. The better that we're able to communicate our feelings to others, the more happiness that we'll feel from within, and frankly, the healthier and better off our romantic, work, and social lives will be. 

It's always good to strive to be a good conversationalist and to work on better improving our communication with others. Being a great conversationalist and being able to communicate well plays a big role in our lives in every way. It's important not to get arrogant or feel that we know it all, because if you really think about it, no one really knows it all, and we should all be open to learning new things.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Letting Others Control Your Happiness

We all want to be happy. After all, that is the ultimate goal in life. We should all have a stable amount of happiness that we feel within us, despite what goes on from moment to moment in our everyday lives. However, many times outside influences can influence our happiness, and even more so, at times other people can affect our happiness as well. It's imperative not to let anyone try to bring you down in life or take away from your happiness or inner peace. Feeling happy and at peace within your soul is crucial and it's something that we all strive for. 

You can't expect for others to create happiness within you, because you need to do it for yourself. You need to be a whole person that feels fulfilled and content from within. You can't expect that if you're an unhappy type of person that you could even remotely become happier by meeting and falling in love with someone that's happy. Being in a relationship with someone that's happy doesn't make you happy, and if anything you'll wind up taking away from their happiness if you're a miserable and unhappy person. 

We should all be a whole person and happy ourselves before getting into any type of relationship. This includes friendships too I might add. No one wants to be around anyone if they're going to be miserable or unhappy all of the time. Generally speaking, people like to be around others that create more happiness and peace, and if anything, healthy and happy people like to surround themselves with others that are like-minded. 

People that are in a happy and healthy state of mind not only surround themselves with people that are similar to themselves, but they also try to avoid drama and all types of toxic people whenever possible. If you find yourself to be a happy type, and you suddenly come into contact with someone or find yourself in a relationship with someone that starts to bring you down in life or takes away from your happiness, you need to do something about it. 

You shouldn't let anyone control your happiness or take away from it for that matter. Unfortunately, many times people do so, and only cause themselves misery, discomfort, and pain. Sticking around while others bring you down and take away from your happiness can drag you down in life, take away from your enthusiasm, your focus, your drive to succeed, and ultimately, your happiness.

Letting people control your happiness is a big mistake. You should never give people such a high power to control you in such a way that they're able to take away from the happiness you feel from within. When people take away your happiness, it can affect your sleep, your eating habits, your work, and your mental focus. Being unhappy can destroy you from within, and knowing that our ultimate goal is to be happy and feel good in life, we shouldn't let others bring us down. Remember, we need to choose to be happy, and when we make that choice, no one can take away from it unless we let them. 

So the next time you find yourself in a scenario or a situation where others are trying to bully you, bring you down, make you feel bad, or consciously or subconsciously are trying to hurt you in anyway, you should distance yourself from that person, and remember that you control your own emotions so keep them stable, keep your chin up, smile at the world, and remember to be happy. 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

The Only Time It's Okay to Go Back to an Ex

When it comes to having a loving, happy, and healthy relationship, it takes hard work. A good motto to live by is that "nothing good comes easy." It takes hard work, effort, honesty, good communication, and being hands-on if you want anything done right, and if you want it to be successful. This goes for everything in life from business to relationships, and likely, to anything else that you can think of. 

When you want to have a successful relationship, you need to be willing to accept a person for who they are in every way. As far as taking back an ex and giving them second chances in relationships, what can I say, it's a very common thing that happens. The most important thing to find out when it comes to taking back an ex and giving things a second shot is what has actually changed since the first time around. Missing someone is already understood, so that's never a good enough reason to go back to an ex. 

It's imperative to find out the roots to the problems that you once had with the person, to figure out solutions to those problems, as well as how to prevent them from happening again if you give things another try. 

Many times people feel that the past is dead and gone, and that things ended for a good reason. No one should stay in a bad relationship, or even worse, relive it again. The only times that you should be willing to go back to an ex is if the problems that you once had aren't issues anymore, are completely resolved, or if the person and the couple are willing to let go of the past, fix the issues that once were, and are willing to give each other a blank clean slate.

Sometimes the only way to start something new is to give it a genuine chance by giving the situation a blank clean slate. When you're re-exploring a situation that didn't work the first time, obviously you need to figure out what went wrong and make sure that history won't repeat itself, but you also need to give one another a sense of a fresh new beginning. 

Going back to an ex that had issues where dishonesty, disloyalty, or one which was abusive in any way are a few major reasons not to go back at all. But if there were certain issues that you feel can and will be worked out once you've hashed things out with the person and communicated your feelings to one another, then there's still hope, and still a chance that your love can be renewed.

Sometimes it takes a break up in order to feel the loss of a person or a situation, before one actually realizes what they've lost, and many times, on a very deep level. I would suggest that if you're thinking of exploring an old situation, to make sure that you have the right discussions with your partner, but to also remember to start fresh, and create a brand new beginning for one another. 

New beginnings shouldn't be taken for granted. If someone is willing to give you a second shot, you should put it all out there, and by "out there," I mean that you should put your heart on the line, embrace the person's love, trust, and energy, as well as to appreciate the fact that you're getting a second chance with them. Three times is not a charm, so forget whatever you've heard, and create a new mentality that the second time will work, because although things should happen in the right manner the first time, occasionally it takes a solid ending, before you can have a beautiful new beginning. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Be Selfish Once in a While

It's important to take time for yourself once in awhile and do what makes you happy. Many times people work so hard in their daily lives, are always busy doing favours and things for others, and are always there for people when they need things. But the problem with that is that they always put themselves last. Unfortunately, in the process of being there for others, many times people don't give themselves a break or time to enjoy life and their own personal hobbies and interests, or even pat themselves on the back once in awhile. 

It's important to give yourself a break once in awhile, as well as embrace and enjoy the things that are important to you. You are important too. We should all have certain hobbies or special interests that we find enjoyable, and if we don't know what interests us and we don't have any hobbies that we can think of, then we should try things out, explore something new, and take it from there. 

It's always good to have your own personal interests, because that helps when it comes to having relationships with others whether socially, with family, or on a romantic level. It's important to always have your own life, and to be a whole and complete person before getting into any romantic relationship. This also goes for any type of relationships with your family or socially, because people always have their own things going on. Therefore, if you get a free moment or you have nothing to do one day, it's good to have your own set of hobbies so that you can keep yourself busy and stay active. 

You should never have to be in the presence of someone else in order to have a good time. Some people find this out about themselves early on, and they even enjoy their own time to the point where they would prefer to go to a movie by themselves once in awhile or to do anything else that might appeal to them. It's important to be able to enjoy time by yourself, because you have to like yourself as a person, and feel good from within before you're able to feel good around others whether in a social, family, or romantic setting. 

If you're a parent, then it's important to give yourself a break once in awhile, and definitely pat yourself on the back for all that you do day in and day out. For some people, being a parent is easy, but for others, it can be more stressful. A lot of that stress depends on the child's personality, as well as the parenting style that you're raising your kids in. Either way, it's important to give yourself a break once in awhile whenever possible, or at least when your kids are taking a nap or when they're busy or being watched by someone else. 

Having even a small amount of alone time is imperative in life, and we should all do things that make us happy during those alone moments. Remember, having a predominantly healthy lifestyle involves eating a healthy diet, or at least a diet where you're eating habits let you indulge once in awhile. But also, it's important to get a good amount of REM sleep, because sleep is imperative when it comes to how you feel throughout your day. 

Getting enough sleep and eating a healthy diet can play a big role on how you feel emotionally, and it can also play a big role on how you're able to handle stress. It's much easier to handle stressful situations when you're taking good care of yourself from within. As long as you're taking good care of yourself on the inside, eating right, and getting enough sleep, then it's important to do things for yourself so that you feel good inside and happy. That even includes indulging in things once in awhile. 

Find out what hobbies appeal to you more, and find a way to arrange your schedule so that you can explore those things and embrace life, because everyone deserves to do things in life that make them happy. Even those of us that tend to get extremely busy throughout our week, or even more so for those types. Whether you're married, a parent, a single parent, a bachelor, a teenager, or even a senior, it's important to do things for yourself once in awhile. Give yourself a break and be selfish, because you deserve to enjoy your life.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

The Power of Having a Blank, Clean Slate

One of the most important factors when it comes to having a healthy and happy relationship is that it be built upon trust. For those that are unaware, trust and honesty go hand-in-hand. If you're not in a place where you feel that you can trust a partner in life, then you're not in a place that you should be dating. 

If you have wounds from previous relationships where someone was dishonest to you or even if you've been cheated on, etc., then you need to deal with those wounds, heal from them, and get to the point of knowing that not everyone cheats and is dishonest. You need to come to a realization that just because your previous relationship didn't work out because of dishonesty, it doesn't mean that everyone in your future is going to be the same way.

Past issues need to be resolved and put to rest before starting anything new with someone. Every new relationship, and every person that you date for that matter deserves a genuine chance. A genuine chance means that you're not bringing in past hurt and unresolved issues from previous relationships. New relationships and people that you're interested in dating deserve to have the benefit of the doubt when in doubt, and they deserve to have your honesty and you should trust that they're going to be pure. 

Unless someone has a track record and has lied to you previously or has cheated on you before, or even if they have a track record of cheating on others from their past, then there's more reason to be skeptical or extra cautious. But if someone doesn't have a track record and have never cheated or lied to you or others, then you need to give them a blank, clean slate when it comes to starting something new with them. 

New situations are pure, and bringing in unresolved issues from your past will only create new issues for your present, current, and future situations. If you're not ready to be with someone, because you're paranoid, pessimistic, skeptical beyond belief, and jaded even because of all the hurt that you might've experience previously, then you're not ready to date, and therefore you shouldn't. 

Remember, if you're hoping to find a person to build a loving, healthy, and happy relationship with, then you need to go into that situation wholeheartedly, with an absolute open heart, and by giving them your trust. As well, it's imperative to know that if you're going to expect your partner to be brutally honest with you, open book, and to give you a genuine chance, then you need to do the same with your partner by being brutally honest with them, being open book yourself, and by giving the situation a sincere and genuine chance. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Be Willing to Work for What You Want

We all want to have that perfect body. But another thing that we all want is to be healthy, and to feel good inside, and out. Feeling good involves having a good self-esteem, feeling confident, motivated, and not only feeling capable of being an inspiration to others, but to ourselves as well. It's much easier for people to preach and to be inspirational towards others, even when they don't take their own advice. 

Perhaps we might even sound hypocritical at times. However, we're in control of whether we listen to and embrace our own words of wisdom and advice or not. We are in fact inspirations to ourselves more than others. But what's needed is to become truly connected with our words of wisdom and the advice that we give to others, until we feel it in deep within us, knowing that they're not empty inspirational words. The fact of the matter is, sometimes we are hypocrites, because we give advice to others, but our own words and actions don't match up, but that can all change. We need to connect with ourselves from within on such a deep level that we're able to inspire ourselves.

When it comes to health, nutrition, and fitness, it's important never to let our emotions take over, and let our moods run the show so to speak.  Our emotions or mood shouldn't be the factor that directs whether or not we work out or eat a certain way. Being that the goal in life is happiness, we need to maintain a certain level of happiness, and to feel at peace from within. 

Being that our moods change all of the time, from moment to moment throughout our daily lives, taking us from happy to sad to angry to high energy to low energy, and so on, it's important to stay focused on our main goal which is to be healthy, stably content to some extent, and if we're making a conscious decision to eat healthier or to develop a regular workout routine and be stable about it, we shouldn't lose track. But instead, stay focused on the right path towards our goal.

We're going to have good days and bad days, and our moods are definitely going to change from moment to moment, and that includes being affected by things that go on every day. But when we have a goal to improve ourselves in any way, whether it's from within in regards to our emotions or whether it's in regards to our work, business, or health and fitness, we shouldn't let others or even ourselves feel deflated or unmotivated, because of a temporary bad mood or issue we might be having. We should strive towards our goals of improving regardless of our mood or our energy level.

There are always things that we can do to improve our energy levels and our moods, so giving up, or not being driven and motivated towards our goals because of our mood should never be an issue. Successful people never succeed by taking days off, because they're not in a good mood or from lack of sleep. They simply sleep enough, make sure that they get an adequate amount of REM rest, and they take good care of themselves so that being lazy or taking a day off doesn't come up as an option to them.

Successful people stay motivated and driven towards their goals no matter what. Even if we strive towards being more motivated a little bit, it can only bring more positivity and enlightenment so that we're able to achieve more in life, and have a better chance at improving ourselves, and striving towards our goals. 

If you have certain goals that you're hoping to achieve, don't put things off for later, because later doesn't always come, and sometimes it turns into a pattern of laziness, and perhaps even a bad habit of postponing things. People might even become flaky, canceling plans for lack of motivation or energy. Taking a short break is normal and can even be beneficial, especially for those that tend to be workaholics. But, a short break or even a little vacation isn't the same thing as postponing goals. Remember those famous hashtags of #workhard and #playhard because they need to resonate to someone that wants to be successful. Remember there should be balance in life, but if we want things to be a certain way and we're not willing to settle for less, then we need to work hard for it.
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