The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Friday, July 28, 2017

The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships


When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars of the foundation, and they are what holds everything together. The analogy that I've always used to describe what's important in a relationship is referring to a relationship as the cake. The cake is the foundation. The frosting is great, but without the cake, the frosting is just frosting. There won't be any substance without the cake. In other words, the cake is the foundation and it's essential to have, just like the fundamentals are in relationships. The frosting I compare to things like being wealthy, looking like a GQ or Victoria's Secret model, or even having certain common interests that aren't necessarily required to make the relationship work. 

Some of these basic fundamentals that are essential to all relationships are honesty, trust, chemistry, and great communication. There are a few others as well, but these are a few of the most important ones if you ask me. It's important that none of these fundamentals are missing when dating someone, in a relationship, and especially when you're married. When it comes to trust not being there in a relationship, because you or your partner had taken that trust for granted, the relationship will likely have turbulence. Depending on how severe of the lie or action of dishonesty, the more turbulent the relationship will be, and the more that the trust will be broken. Unfortunately, sometimes you just can't forgive, and when the glass is broken, it's broken

For some people, trust is a hard thing to regain once you've been lied to or hurt by someone that you love. When someone has lied to you in a relationship, if you're willing to work on regaining that trust with the person, they will have to apologize, admit to their wrongdoing, be remorseful, and make you feel at ease that it won't happen again. Regaining someone's trust is imperative if you want to improve your relationship with one another. You should never take someone's trust for granted in the first place. That's an obvious statement, but once it happens, it happens, and you have two choices. You can either have turbulence in your relationship, be angry and bitter all of the time, and resent them for their dishonesty or you can give them another chance at regaining your trust and starting anew. 

It's important that if you choose to make things work in your relationship and to give your partner another chance at being an honest person and partner to you, then you must do so fully, and with a clean slate, as if nothing ever happened. This can be truly hard to do, as you've already lost trust in the person. However, you can still have a clean slate and give someone a brand-new beginning if you choose to. Having said that, I'd highly recommend doing so with a certain amount of caution. The fact of the matter is, when someone is capable of lying to any extent to someone that they love so dearly, it's likely that they could do it again. Having a forgiving heart is a very powerful and beautiful quality. Depending on how badly your trust was taken for granted, it's not necessarily a bad thing to give second chances in relationships

If you choose to stay with the person that lied to you, you basically need to do so with an open heart and not badger the person that lied to you, but give them a genuine chance at starting over. It's important to give people the benefit of the doubt when in doubt of their honesty, and especially when it's someone that you love. No one likes to be taken advantage of, and especially not by someone that they love. It's important that if you're willing to give your partner another shot at being honest and truthful to you in your relationship, that you do so with a accepting, trusting, loving, and forgiving heart. It's not an easy thing to do. But, if you want to grow from this hardship in your relationship, you have to be willing to let go, forgive, and make peace.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Bumble BFF Offers a New Way to Seek Friendship

The following is a guest post for BumbleBFF:


Today, American women often move long distances to seek jobs or start new businesses. People also marry later in life than they did in the past. This creates a need to find new friends during adulthood. In some ways, technology has made it harder to socialize. It's not easy to begin a conversation when so many people are fully engrossed in their mobile gadgets. Fortunately, these devices can also provide a solution.

Friend-Finding App

Entrepreneur Whitney Wolfe has a tremendously busy life and frequently moves to different cities. She recently realized that business goals had prevented her from establishing any friendships. One of her companies is a popular online dating service known as Bumble. She decided to expand its app so that members could search for new friends as well.

This change didn't only occur as a result of Wolfe's personal observations. Bumble also received many suggestions calling for a feature that would help members locate new friends. Numerous users had searched for people of the same gender or asked for friends on their profiles. Consequently, Bumble BFF was born in 2016.

How it Works

Anyone with a compatible device can join Bumble and use its BFF mode to start a variety of friendships. A member might seek a close friend or just look for someone to bring along when attending parties. Either way, the first step is to obtain Bumble's mobile software from a major app store. It's possible to log in using a Facebook username and password.

To look for friends rather than dates, select "BFF" under "show" in the settings area. This hides a member's personal profile from people who use Bumble for dating purposes. Instead, fellow users who want friends will have the ability to see it. Non-dating conversations appear in green rather than the standard yellow highlighting.

Search Process

Bumble BFF helps people find friends in much the same way as it recommends appropriate dating partners. However, it prioritizes mutual interests and acquaintances when suggesting matches. Users swipe to the left if they're not interested and do the opposite when a person seems appealing. If two members select each other's profiles and swipe to the right, the system prompts them to begin a discussion within one day.

Favorable Results

Does it actually work? Various bloggers and other writers have shared their experiences with this app. The process resembles online dating in some ways. Members must spend some time looking at profiles, and they usually meet a few unsuitable individuals. Nevertheless, people eventually discover one or more desirable long-term friends with similar interests. 

To sum it up, Bumble has successfully adapted an online dating platform to help people develop new friendships. Its BFF feature satisfies the needs of many women who find it difficult to meet people in the workplace or local eateries. An automated matching system and user-specified search criteria combine to expedite the process. This new system was able to quickly attract numerous users because Bumble already had millions of members who joined it for dating purposes.


Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Power of Appreciation on Thanksgiving



One of the best ways of finding happiness in life is to appreciate the things that we have, as opposed to the things that we lack. If we spend our time thinking about all of those little things that we want in life, but either don't have them or perhaps they're certain goals that we haven't yet achieved, we're basically not living in the moment, or enjoying life to the fullest. 

The amount of happiness that we have each and every day is all based on our perception and how we feel about things, and whether or not we appreciate them. If we start focusing on all of the positive things that we have in life, then we'll all be a little bit happier. One of the biggest problems that we all have in which takes away so much of our happiness is that we're always worrying. We have endless concerns about things, which many times, we don't even have control over. 

It's important not to rush things in life or to want things before you're ready to have them. Some of the best things in life take time to develop, patience, and simply having a positive outlook. Try to embrace all of the good things in your life, and enjoy the moment, each day, and all of the little things that go on in your life. The more thankful and appreciative that we are about the little things that we have in life, the more that we'll be whole and a complete person. As well, if we appreciate what we have, we'll be more apt to take on different challenges, and we'll have so so more enthusiasm towards striving towards our goals.

Having a positive outlook is imperative for each and every one of us, and that's why we need to focus on the positives in life, and not avoid the negatives, or ignore them by any means, but more so, we should simply be appreciative of all of the good things in our life and acknowledge them. When we don't appreciate things enough, we tend to lose them or they tend to not be maintained in their best manner. This goes from everything from relationships to your personal belongings, or even in regards to how you look in your appearance. 

If we take care of ourselves and love ourselves enough, it's a way of appreciating how we are, and how we look. You see, when we appreciate how we look, we tend to take better care of ourselves. Be thankful for all of the things that you have in life, and remember on this Thanksgiving Day, as well as any other day of the year, you should be thankful for what you have and concentrate on those things, as opposed to what you lack. Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

Monday, October 17, 2016

The Straight Arrow Path to Success


We would all like to get to the top and successful. But it takes hard work, effort, and that "go get it" factor. We need drive to succeed, and that fire to burn our buns, in order to get what we want in life. Sitting back, and waiting for things to happen will get you nowhere. If anyone wants anything bad enough, they need to go after it. I decided to create a list of a few essential factors that will make all of the difference on your path to success. But one thing that's imperative to remember, is that to feel truly proud of our accomplishments in life, we must do things the right way morally, and by being a righteous person.

Don't Take Shortcuts:

Do things the right way and in a righteous manner. Don't search for the easy way to get to where you want to be, just because it looks quicker, less stressful, and easier when you know that the path you're thinking I have isn't righteous or morally a good choice. Remember, short term light, usually leads to long-term darkness, so make your decisions carefully, and stay righteous and decent at the same time. 

Value Your Time:

Our time is precious, and we should make things that are important to us priorities, and treat them as such. Postponing things, putting them off, and leaving them for later is never a wise choice if you want to be successful. Pick and choose your break time wisely and what you do with it, because a break shouldn't last for more than a few moments. A break is something that should be experienced once you've accomplished a certain amount of work towards your end goal. 

Choose Supportive Friends or No Friends:

I just surround yourself with no one, or those that have your best interest at heart. Pick and choose your friends wisely, and only bring in those that love, appreciate, support, and value you as a person. Make sure that you avoid bringing in negativity, and any type of toxic person. Toxic people can become a mental, emotional, and psychological disability if you let them. Besides, they'll drain your positive energy until there's nothing left. 

Don't Be a Perfectionist:

If you strive for perfection, don't see it as the main or ending goal. Instead, strive to make things as perfect as possible, but know in the back of your head that there is no such finish line. Many times perfectionist end up being too hard on themselves, and are even unable to accept compliments and what they're achieving, as they strive towards their goals. It's important to genuinely accept compliments and take them to heart. Be happy, proud, yet remaining humble on your journey toward success. Don't expect perfection, just drive to be the best that you can be, and in all that you do. 

Be Healthy and Stay Active:

Don't say that you don't have time for taking good care of yourself, because you do. Everyone needs to make the time for their priorities, and taking care of themselves. Being healthy, and staying active are definite priorities when it comes to being the best that you can be, and in order to put your best foot forward. In order to work hard and to do your best, you need to be in a healthy state of mind, as well as in an emotionally peaceful place. 

Friday, October 14, 2016

Dating Someone Who Isn't Formally Educated


Most people have different requirements that they hope to find in a partner. For some people a big requirement is having a formal education or even degrees of different sorts. For many, not only having a formal education is a must-have, but also having a steady and stable job is imperative. It's important you know what you want in a partner. Having said that, you can't expect to find perfection in anyone or to find every little thing that you hope for in another person. 

There is no complete package, despite how many people praise their partners in relationships. When a person says that their partner is a complete package or even when any random person seems to be, it's usually because they seem that way, and not that they actually are that way. No one is perfect, and again, there is no complete package of perfection. 

When a person has many of the qualities that you're looking for in a match, you may define that as a complete package for you, but the reality is that nothing is perfect, and neither is anyone. When it comes to wanting to be with someone who's highly educated, then you should go after people that are in fact, highly educated, and not waste your time or other people's time, dating around when that requirement isn't there. Nothing's worse than when someone wastes time with a person who isn't educated, knowing that it's a requirement for them to have in a partner. 

For many people though, it's more important for them to with a person who's highly intelligent, and open to learning new things, as opposed to someone that's school smart, or as one would call "well educated." One might even call an educated person highly educated, formally educated, or even scholarly. For many people it's more than adequate enough when their partner is smart, and even streetsmart for that matter. It's important for many, if not most, to be able to communicate with their partner, and at times discuss more intellectual topics. 

How Important Is It for You to Be with Someone who's Formally Educated?


Having an intellectual connection is definitely important to me, and I assume, for many. It's all about what a person's preferences are as to whether or not they feel it's mandatory to have schooling and higher education be the route of their partner's intelligence, as opposed to someone who's merely street smart, and knows the ropes. In other words, ultimately, it's all about what different individual wants in a mate. You should only date people that are open-minded and really interested in dating someone like you, whether you're street smart, or whether you have an elaborate education. 

Last but not least, it's important to remember that you can't change people, and you shouldn't even try to for that matter. If you love everything about a person, except for the fact that they're not well educated or some type of overachiever as you might like, then you shouldn't be going out with them. But definitely, don't ever try to change them to make them into the person that you'd want them to be. It's not only unfair to the person, but it's wrong on your end for giving a chance to a situation that you shouldn't. You should know from the very get-go what's important for you to have in a partner, and you should only date those that are in the realm of what you're looking for. 

Thursday, September 29, 2016

The Fear of Rejection and Making the First Move


We all have certain things that we're really good at. Some people are better at some things than others. It's a really great quality to be self-aware, and to know who you are as an individual. Being in touch with who you are as a person can play a huge role in knowing what you're really good at or not good at for that matter. As far as being able to approach someone or make the first move when it comes to dating, it takes a lot of courage and confidence. Not to mention, one of the biggest factors always ends up being how badly do you want someone

How much we want something and what it's worth to us can pertain to goals that we have in life and even when it comes to making that first move towards dating someone, or even speaking to them for that matter. You have to have confidence and guts in order to talk someone for the first time. You never really know what someone's response is going to be, and you have to be willing to be strong and resilient enough to accept the possibility of being rejected. Despite how much courage and confidence someone has to talk to someone and to make that first move, you have to be mentally and emotionally in the right mind frame where you can take it with a grain of rice if someone rejects you. 

As far as being turned down by someone, and even in a cold, harsh, or rude way at times, it's important to know that it's better to lose something that you don't actually have yet. As well, you shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. For me personally, if someone isn't interested in me or even attracted to me for that matter, I don't even give it a second thought, and I move on. 

Generally speaking, I like people that like me, and I think that's a healthy mindset to have. You can't expect for every single person in this world to find you appealing, attractive, or desirable. Having said that, the right person will not only find it flattering when you make the first move and approach them, but they'll likely be kind, appreciative, and be more than happy that you had the guts and the confidence to make to come up to them. 

There will always be people that don't value or appreciate what it takes for someone to make the first move, and how much confidence and courage it requires. Don't worry about those people, and just appreciate the ones that do have enough kindness and appreciation for the fact that you even tried. When someone approaches a person to date or even talk to, it's not only courageous on their part, but it shows their interest in you, so you should take it as flattery at the very least. 

When it comes to making the first move and having that courage to approach someone, it's never really about what you say, but more so, how do you say it, how much wit and confidence you display, as well as how open the person is to receiving the communication and attention. Frankly, some people have issues and simply can't accept the fact that they're given any attention to whatsoever, let alone if you're the complimentative type and approach them with kind words. Many people are insecure, and hold little to no self-confidence, and that's why they have a hard time accepting compliments from others. Just remember that that's not on you, and it's on that person for lacking the confidence. 

It's never about what you say in that first moment that you speak to someone, so there's no need to dread your opening statement or spend too much time thinking about it. Despite what many people think, there's little to no importance about that first statement that you say, as long as you actually speak up, say something, and go after what you want. Just remember to be authentic, genuine, and act like the real you, instead of some fake, dolled up version of you. Most people appreciate when people are authentic. 

Whether you're a man or a woman, making that first move and approaching someone for the first time can be challenging, and especially if you're the shy type or have an immense fear of rejection. Anyone that fears rejection too much won't be as successful in life or in love for that matter, as opposed to someone that's courageous, confidence, and goes after what they want. So the next time that you feel scared to speak up and make that first move, ask yourself how badly you want it, because the last thing that anyone should want in life is to miss out on a beautiful, new opportunity to find love and happiness. 

Monday, September 19, 2016

The Empowerment of Wanting Happiness for Your Ex


You should always want others to experience the happiness and joy of life. Even if we're talking about an ex spouse, and ex-girlfriend, or an ex-boyfriend. Although it isn't the easiest of things to do at times, it's something that you can truly benefit from. You should want the happiness of others even when they've hurt you, broken your heart, or found a new love that they're more compatible with.

Just because you and your ex didn't work out doesn't mean that you hold a grudge or wish them any bad will or feelings. To get to this stage of enlightenment is a big deal, because it will bring you more peace and happiness in life. When you're able to accept the fact that you and your ex are not together anymore, you're headed in the right direction. But the next step is to make peace with the fact that you've gone your separate ways, and be willing to give your light and love to them even from afar, knowing that they've moved on.

Wishing someone the best can be done in many ways without even having to say a word. Whether you're in communication with your ex, whether you're cordial or even if you've ended on bad terms, it's important to dive into the spiritual world and find a place deep within you where you can still wish them love, happiness, and an easy path in their life. When you get to this level of enlightenment, your journey in life and towards finding a new love of your own will be much greater. 

Remember, even if your ex doesn't wish you the best, you can still take the highroad and wish them well regardless, because it just shows what kind of person you are. Just make sure that it's genuine. For your own well being and whether you have children with your ex or not, you should strive towards getting to the stage of enlightenment where you can truly wish happiness onto others, despite your past with them, and regardless of the circumstances.

Friday, September 16, 2016

When You're in Competition with Your Partner


When you're in a relationship with someone, you should want each other to succeed in everything. Although it might seem obvious to most that you're on the same team, at times one or both people in a relationship feel competitive with one another. Whether they have a competitive nature and they're doing an activity together or whether their competitive in business or anything else for that matter, it's never good to compete with your partner, because after all, you're on the same side, the same team, and what's a partner if one of you is trying to beat the other. 

Wanting to succeed at things is something that we should all hope to want and feel the drive for. But winning, beating or achieving more than your significant other shouldn't be a conquest. As a Chess player, I find that when I play chess against someone that I'm dating, they can't always handle it, at least not when they're losing. If they can't handle losing to me (not that they always do), they tend to get cold, distant, break up, and it's almost as if I've taken their manhood or something. 

Some couples simply can't play competitive games or sports with one another, because they just can't take the heat or they it affects their ego. It's kind of ridiculous if you'd ask me. After all, it's a game. This isn't always the case by the way, but I've definitely seen the sore loser a few times, and even at a young age. Honestly, I was going to say that there's a time and a place for ego - But really - there isn't, so there's simply no good excuse to being a bad loser in a competitive game of chess or anything else with someone that you're dating (playing Chess is merely one example).

Being better at someone else at something isn't necessarily a bad thing, because we're all better or worse at this or that than others. You can't expect to be identical to someone or to do everything in the very same manner or level that your partner does. You should be happy for your partner if they're better at certain things than you, and they should be happy for you in the same manner. 

Being partners means supporting one another, and wanting each other to succeed at everything in life. Even if they succeed at things or achieve things easier or even better than you do. You should be your partner's biggest fan. Remember to support your loved one, and show them with your words, your actions, and by not being competitive with them. Being supportive of one another when in a relationship is one of the most beautiful ways of showing your partner how much you love and care for them.