Saturday, April 30, 2016

Trust Issues: When You Get Your Hand Caught in the Cookie Jar

Many times we find ourselves in sticky situations. How we got in them is likely from our own doing. There will always be times when things are out of our hands. Sometimes coincidences arise, and we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations. For those times when things are not in our hands and out of our control, there's really not much we can do other than be honest, direct, open book, and hope for the best. The most important thing is to try and prevent that type of discomfort by not putting ourselves in situations that could cause bad consequences, harm, and potential destruction or turbulence to our relationship. There will always be temptation, a quick fix solution to our problems, or even things that seem as if they'd provide sudden happiness. However, sudden and quick happiness can many times provide long term darkness, and only short term light.

Sometimes our partners don't trust us, despite how honest we've been or how innocent we actually are. This is why having healthy communication and trust in relationships is so imperative. If a couple doesn't have mutual trust, faith, and good communication, issues are bound to come up, and turbulence will likely occur more often than not. Having good communication is everything when it comes to having a healthy relationship. It's important to be able to share your feelings and thoughts with your partner. As well, you should have an open book type of system where you never feel the need to dig for information, because it's shared naturally and on a regular basis. Honesty, faith, trust, and good communication are all important factors that a healthy relationship should be built upon.

Many people have asked me what they should do in scenarios when their partner doesn't trust them. Meanwhile, they know that they haven't done anything wrong and they feel that they've been an honest, faithful, loving partner, and have been very pure in every way that they could imagine. The issue isn't actually them, it's their partner. Their partner has obvious trust issues that need to get resolved in order for the couple to be happier and to live in a more peaceful manner. When a person has an issue where they don't trust people, especially when they lack trust in their partner, if the issue isn't owned up to, acknowledged, and worked on, the couple will never reach the state of happiness that they hope to. As we all know, recognizing the problem is half of the battle, and in this case, it makes a huge difference in whether or not the person will be willing to work on their issue. 

Nothing is worse than being cheated on, and for obvious reasons. Having said that, when a partner that claims to love you but doesn't trust you feels that you've cheated on them in any way, and even on an emotional level, it can be truly painful to them, to you, and detrimental to the relationship. When a person feels that they've been cheated on, despite whether or not they have been, it hurts like a gut punch, as well as provoking that lump in the throat type of feeling which makes it hard to breathe. In other words, plain and simple, it's not a good feeling to experience as if someone that you love so much has cheated on you. 

It's imperative to build trust and a solid, strong foundation early on in a relationship. A healthy foundation is essential when it comes to how the relationship will play out for the long-term. You can't live a life full of distrust, and you definitely can't spend a lifetime trying to convince your partner that you're being honest and faithful, when they don't believe you. It's important that if you're in a situation as such, you calmly, but directly talk to your partner out of the purest place in your heart and let them know that this issue needs to be worked on, and get resolved in order for you to go forward with them in a relationship. 

I'm not going to call this issue a red flag, because red flags are things that are more on the irreversible side. Not being able to trust is an issue that can be worked on. They can work on the issue together by going to couples therapy, or even therapy alone if a therapist recommends it. It's important to seek the help of a professional when the issue doesn't get resolved after you try everything on your own, and communication doesn't work. When your partner doesn't trust you, it's important to remember that there are routes to why they feel that lack of trust, and it might actually not have anything to do with you or the way you've been acting. Therefore, don't take it personally when your partner doesn't trust you or anyone else. Many times lack of trust is routed from personal issues that your partner has gone through from their past, and can be even routed from their childhood. Those are their own personal issues that need to get resolved, and I'd recommend that they seek the help of an expert in the field of psychology.

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