Friday, July 28, 2017

The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships


When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars of the foundation, and they are what holds everything together. The analogy that I've always used to describe what's important in a relationship is referring to a relationship as the cake. The cake is the foundation. The frosting is great, but without the cake, the frosting is just frosting. There won't be any substance without the cake. In other words, the cake is the foundation and it's essential to have, just like the fundamentals are in relationships. The frosting I compare to things like being wealthy, looking like a GQ or Victoria's Secret model, or even having certain common interests that aren't necessarily required to make the relationship work. 

Some of these basic fundamentals that are essential for all relationships are honesty, trust, chemistry, and great communication. There are a few others as well, but these are a few of the most important ones if you ask me. It's important that none of these fundamentals are missing when dating someone, in a relationship, and especially when you're married. When it comes to trust not being there in a relationship, because you or your partner had taken that trust for granted, the relationship will likely have turbulence. Depending on how severe of the lie or action of dishonesty, the more turbulent the relationship will be, and the more that the trust will be broken. Unfortunately, sometimes you just can't forgive, and when the glass is broken, it's broken

For some people, trust is a hard thing to regain once you've been lied to or hurt by someone that you love. When someone has lied to you in a relationship, if you're willing to work on regaining that trust with the person, they will have to apologize, admit to their wrongdoing, be remorseful, and make you feel at ease that it won't happen again. Regaining someone's trust is imperative if you want to improve your relationship with one another. You should never take someone's trust for granted in the first place. That's an obvious statement, but once it happens, it's happens, and you have two choices. You can either have turbulence in your relationship, be angry and bitter all of the time, and resent them for their dishonesty or you can give them another chance at regaining your trust and starting anew. 

It's important that if you choose to make things work in your relationship, and to give your partner another chance at being an honest person and partner to you, then you must do so fully, and with a clean slate, as if nothing ever happened. This can be truly hard to do, as you've already lost trust with the person. However, you can still have a clean slate and give someone a brand-new beginning if you choose to. Having said that, I'd highly recommend doing so with a certain amount of caution. The fact of the matter is, when someone is capable of lying to any extent to someone that they love so dearly, it's likely that they could do it again. Having a forgiving heart is a very powerful and beautiful quality. Depending on how badly your trust was taken for granted, it's not necessarily a bad thing to give second chances in relationships

If you choose to stay with the person that lied to you, you basically need to do so with an open heart and not badger the person that lied to you, but give them a genuine chance at starting over. It's important to give people the benefit of the doubt when in doubt of their honesty, and especially when it's someone that you love. No one likes to be taken advantage of, and especially not by someone that they love. It's important that if you're willing to give your partner another shot at being honest and truthful to you in your relationship, that you do so with a accepting, trusting, loving, and forgiving heart. It's not an easy thing to do. But, if you want to grow from this hardship in your relationship, you have to be willing to let go, forgive, and make peace.