Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Pressure Is on, but the Timing Is Off

We all have our own set of rules, whether we admit it or not. I'm not talking about "game playing" rules, because I don't promote that. What I'm more so referring to is rules as to what we're okay with and what we're not. We all have a page that we're on, and we want our partner in life to be on that same page. However, many times when we're dating someone new, it takes a little "getting to know you time" in order to figure out what page they're on. It's important not to pressure anyone into doing something that they're simply not ready to do. I always stress the importance of being on the same page so that two people can progress into a fulfilling, happy, healthy, and meaningful relationship. 

During early dating, many times we're on different pages, want different things, and sometimes, some people have different intentions or motives than what they claim. This is a major defect in the dating scene that causes people discomfort, pain, heartache, and wounds. If it's intense enough, it will end with someone developing some sense of emotional unavailability that they'll carry with them towards anyone else that they might date later. 

Many times people pretend that they're looking for something that's pure and meaningful. They'll lead you on to believe that they have pure intentions, only date with marital intentions, and that they hope to find their best possible match. They'll tell you what they think that you'll want and need to hear in order to gain your trust, your time, your love, and well, your body. People will tell you almost anything that will make themselves come across as an appealing match to you in order to get you into bed. These types of people are frauds, and fall into the category of players with marital intentions. 

When you're dating someone new, it's important to know what their intentions are and hopefully they'll be pure, and not mislead you. Having said that, whatever a person's intentions might be, it's imperative that you never pressure, nor feel pressured by the other person. You should never feel that you have to do anything that you're not comfortable or not ready to do. Despite what people say or do, despite the words (or bullshit) that they'll want you to believe, some people will go all out when it comes to getting what they want. 

The fraud lover

People will go as far as buying you things, telling you that they love you, giving you an exclusive commitment, or by expressing and confessing their love for you in many ways. They might introduce you to friends and family to make you feel that they're serious about you. Some people would even go to an extreme extent by proposing to you very quickly, just to get what they want. People that are fraud have a goal in their mind that's other than what they proclaimed to you. They'll make their intentions seem good, when they're nothing of the sort. They'll give you false hopes at having a future together, and at times, do whatever it takes to get you to do what they want. Depending on how badly they want something, they'll go to extreme extents in order to achieve their goal.

Don't race my pace

People can pressure others in many ways, not just sexually and on an intimate level, but for a commitment or marriage even. It's important to do what you want, when you want, and when you feel ready. You shouldn't do things just because someone pressures you or gives you an ultimatum. Take the high road when someone pressures you, and leave. Know that you aren't obligated to do what you don't want to. 

People can make you feel as if you are to blame for provoking a situation. For example, if a girl turns a guy on, he can say many things so that she'll please him in different ways, and be intimate with him so he'll feel satisfied. He'll make her feel guilty if she says that she doesn't want to. He might even say things expressing how cruel she is to just leave him turned on, and that he'll be in discomfort and pain if she leaves him in such a way, without pleasing him. A girl should never go out with a guy that makes her feel that way, and if that was the first sign of a guy acting like that, make a mental note to yourself not to see him again. If you're not desiring to be intimate, don't be. Whether you're in a situation where kissing gets too hot, passionate, and intense or whatever might happen. There's never any obligation to go any further with someone when you're not ready, or when you simply don't want to. 

When it comes to pressuring someone into a commitment that they're not ready for (even though you might be), then you shouldn't date them anymore, because you're clearly looking for different things, and you're not on the same page. When you're the one feeling as if someone else is pressuring you for a commitment and you don't want one, be direct and let the other person know that you don't want one. Don't string them along, giving them false hopes that you might soon or that one day you'll want a commitment. The time is now, and you need to be on the same page right now, as well as later. 

We should all go at a pace that we're comfortable with. If someone is pressuring you and it's making you uncomfortable, express your feelings to that person, and let them know. If they don't back off and ease up on all of that pressure, head for the door, because they don't respect you. If someone doesn't respect your pace, they're likely looking at you as a convenient lover, or they're merely just a selfish person, thinking of their own needs. When you respect yourself, you don't rush or force yourself to go at someone else's pace, you go at your own comfortable pace. As well, when someone else respects you, they don't rush or force you to do anything that you don't want or that you might not be ready to do. Remember, you are your own boss. You need to stand your ground, be strong, and not accept any type of pressure or treatment that doesn't feel right. You have the power within yourself to do all of that, and more.