Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Nerves Before the Wedding? 10 Signs You Should Call It Quits

Sometimes people have legitimate concerns about going forward and marrying the person that they're with. Let's say that a couple gets engaged, and they feel like they're the perfect fit. But, as it gets closer to their wedding day, one of them starts doubting whether or not they made the right decision. It's important to differentiate whether your doubts are coming from the normal nerves that come before a wedding, or if your doubts are truly logical, legitimate, and real concerns that need to be addressed. 

Getting married is a huge decision, and despite what happens a lot these days, you're supposed to go into marriage as if it's going to be the beginning of forever, permanent, and for the long-haul. If you have legitimate doubts about going forward with someone, you need to figure out what the reasons behind those doubts are, and whether or not you should actually get married to them. 

Let's say that you've already gone through a massive engagement party, and whatnot, making all of the plans, spending a lot of money on things for the wedding, etc., you still need to figure out where your doubts are coming from. The fact is that you haven't gotten married yet, and it's not too late to change your mind, if it's for the best. It's not that I think that people should easily peace out of an engagement, because once you've made a promise to be with someone, you should keep your promise. But, there are cases where you shouldn't have ever proposed to begin with. 

Perhaps you weren't the best possible match for each other to begin with, but you stayed with each other anyway. Maybe because of that, you've had a lot of issues throughout your relationship. Perhaps from the get go, you'd never really seen eye to eye. Sometimes people stay together, despite not getting along, despite the fact that they're not really good for each other, and simply just because they're used to each other (see: "12 Ways to Know If You're in Love or If You're Just Used to Someone"), etc. 

Maybe one of you felt pressured into marrying the other person, so you proposed. If you're in a situation like that, then you'll probably feel stuck, trapped, and manipulated into being with them. It's likely going to be hard for you to get out of that situation, without causing anyone pain. Having said that, it's still better to end things now, before getting married, even though you're already engaged.

I decided to make a list of 10 signs when you should call it quits when you're engaged, or if you're considering getting engaged. If you can relate to any of the things on this list, you should take it seriously. I'd recommend discussing things with your partner, whether it's your boyfriend, girlfriend, or fiance, and figure out whether or not you should be getting married.

The list:

1. You have bad communication. You sweep problems under the rug, instead of hashing things out. You feel the need to hold back your feelings. Neither one of you, or just one of you is being open book, where you share things with one another. If one, or both of you is avoiding conflict in the relationship.

2. Any signs of emotional abuse, being put down, or if one of you is being controlling.

3. They're not your best friend. You never smile, or laugh with your partner.

4. There are signs of dishonesty, or withholding certain things, where one of you feels "in the dark" a lot. One of you is acting shady, or flirting with someone else, etc. You don't trust each other. There's a lot of (or a little of) lying going on, even white lies.

5. Any signs of a bad temperament, violent behavior, or lack of self control.

6. If either one of you has cheated on the other. If you or your partner has (or still has) feelings for someone else.

7. You're fighting all of the time. You disagree about everything it seems. You're never really on the same page.

8. You're not physically attracted to your partner. Your partner isn't physically attracted to you. You have a bad sex life. You feel that the passion, the attraction, or the chemistry is fading.

9. One, or both of you is displaying an unhealthy amount of jealousy. Perhaps one of you is a flirt, and it's bothering your partner, making them feel uncomfortable, insecure, and hurt.

10. You don't feel happy, or your partner doesn't feel happy.

There are many things that could go sour in relationships, and it's important that all things get resolved before going into matrimony. You shouldn't have doubts about your feelings for your partner. As well, you shouldn't doubt or question whether or not you find them attractive, or desirable. If you're not attracted to your partner, get out now! As well, as I said before, if you see that you're experiencing any of the things on the list above, it's time to have a serious conversation with your partner. 

Remember, you're not married yet, and you shouldn't go into marriage with doubts or heavy concerns. Nothing is perfect, but nothing should begin with any turbulence, or unresolved issues with one another. You should start a marriage in a positive, light, and healthy tone, where you're both looking forward to sharing your lives together. You should be feeling excited about spending the rest of your life with this person. You should be in love with them, and know that they're in love with you. 

You shouldn't be having doubts from any of the things that I wrote on the list. If you are, you should consider holding off the wedding, until you address the issues. You should try to resolve them (if possible), or you should end things. The last thing that anyone wants is to go through a divorce. It would be much harder later, as opposed to ending things now, even if you're already engaged. The deal isn't sealed until it's sealed! 

Don't fret about what other people will think, about the money, or about the time that went into planning the engagement, or the wedding. Don't worry about hurting the other person. You have to do what's right for you and your partner. If you truly care for your partner, and I should hope that you at least "care for them," you should discuss things in a loving manner, and see what you can both do to improve, or kindly, and cordially end things, wishing each other the best.