Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Bedroom Talk During Early Dating

When dating someone new, how soon is too soon to talk about intimacy (likes, dislikes, etc.)? I don't think it's black and white as far as when it's okay to talk about intimacy. But I think that both people should be on the same page and comfortable with the conversation. You never want to talk too soon about intimacy, because then it could be what the relationship is based on. Unless, you're looking for a quick hook up or a hook up that lasts for a while, I wouldn't suggest talking about it too soon. I'd postpone the conversation about intimacy until you've either been dating for awhile or are in an exclusive relationship together. Like I said, I don't think that there are rules when you should or shouldn't talk about it, but you should both be ready for the conversation. 

If you're having a first phone call with someone, and they start asking intimate questions, they have one thing on their mind, and it's not a long term relationship. The same thing goes for when you're out on a first date and the conversation gets sexual very quickly. The initiator of that conversation is not looking for a long term, exclusive relationship. So if you're hoping to date someone that's serious, marriage minded, and looking for an exclusive relationship, this should be your last date with that person. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation about intimacy, flirting, and having sweet cantor during early dating. But, talking about intimacy too soon, will leave one thing in a man's mind (or maybe in both of your minds), and that's sex. 

As we all know, for some people, more than others, the topic of intimacy and how a person's libido is (how sexual a person is) can be a big topic. Some people are very sexual, and some are not sexual at all. Some people are somewhere in between the two. If your intentions are pure when meeting someone new, and you're looking for something meaningful, for the long term, and towards marriage, it's important to get to know the person, before getting into whether or not they're sexual enough for you. You'll find out soon enough what a person likes and dislikes as far as intimacy goes. There's no need to rush the conversation, before you know a little bit about the person. You might scare the person off by asking them intimate questions too soon.

It's important to get to know a person before asking very private questions on their preferences for this and that in the bedroom. You shouldn't be assuming that a person is okay with the conversation, unless you see the signs. What are the signs that someone is comfortable with the conversation? Well, you can usually tell if a person seems shy during early dating. That's a big sign right there! Being shy doesn't necessarily mean that a person will always be shy. It merely means that they're shy until they get to know you a little bit better. They might actually have a spontaneous, wild side.

You can also tell that a person isn't ready to have a conversation about intimacy if you haven't met yet, and you're just talking and texting with them on the phone. If that sounds like you, then you definitely need to tone it down a bit. Many times people mistake "bedroom eyes" or sexy cat eyes for an opening to an erotic conversation early on, but that's not always the case. Sometimes, it's something that a person naturally appears to have when they drink a little wine or if they're very attracted to you. It's important to be patient, especially when someone has the power to draw you in with their bedroom eyes. That's usually a sign of great chemistry and it's likely that the person is worth the wait. There's no need to rush the conversation.

You shouldn't talk about intimacy and what his or her preferences are, until you've built a foundation with them. At least, you should have the beginning of a foundation. I'd say definitely don't have the conversation before a first date. As well, definitely don't have the conversation until after the first kiss. Once you've had a first kiss, you can let the kiss guide you in seeing if they're ready to talk about anything more intimate. You can tell a lot from a kiss. But still, don't rush it! If people are patient enough and truly want to get to know someone, in time you'll naturally see what they like and don't like. 

I don't think that there has to be a conversation about intimacy at all early on. I believe that people can have that conversation after being intimate. That way, you can see what this person is all about, without them using their past experiences from what they've experienced, heard, or seen, as a comparison. Maybe this person you're about to date will blow everybody else you've dated out of the park. As well, if this turns out to be the person that you're meant to be with, nothing could ever compare.

It's important to take the time to get to know a person, develop a healthy foundation with them, become exclusive, and in the process, go with the flow. Once people have been together for a while or are married, they should explore exciting new things with that person. Think about it, if you're having this conversation with someone that you just started dating, they're likely to be having the same conversation with other people that they're dating. Um, that's gross! That's not going to make you feel very special. As well, if you're going into a new relationship with wounds from a previous relationship, not being what you'd hoped it would be in the bedroom, don't bring that baggage into a new situation. Give this new situation a chance and see what happens as you get to know them. You might be happily surprised and be headed in the opposite direction of your last relationship. 

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