Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Dating: How Soon, Is Too Soon to Talk About Intimacy

When dating someone new, how soon is too soon to talk about intimacy (likes, dislikes, etc.)? I don't think it's black and white as far as when it's okay to talk about intimacy. But I think that both people should be on the same page and be comfortable with the conversation. You never want to talk too soon about intimacy, because then it could be what the relationship is based on. Unless, you're looking for a quick hook up or a hook up that lasts for a while, I wouldn't talk about it too soon. I'd postpone the conversation about intimacy until you've either been dating for awhile, or are in an exclusive relationship together. Like I said, I don't think there should be rules when you can and can't talk about it, but you should both be ready for the conversation.


If you're having a first phone call with someone, and they start asking intimate questions, they have one thing on their mind, and it's not a long term relationship. The same thing goes for if you're out on a first date and very quickly, the conversation gets sexual. The initiator of that conversation, is not looking for a long term commitment. So if you're hoping to date someone that's serious and looking for an exclusive relationship, this should be your last date with that person. There's nothing wrong with having a conversation about intimacy, flirting, and having sweet banter during early dating. But, talking about intimacy too soon, will leave one thing in a man's mind (or maybe in both of their minds), and that's sex. So if that's not your intention, I wouldn't go there. At least, not just yet.

As we all know, to some people, more than others, the topic of intimacy and how strong a person's libido is, or how sexual a person is, can be a big topic. Some people are very sexual, and some are not sexual at all. Some people are somewhere in between the two. If your intentions are pure when meeting someone new, and you're looking for something for the long term, towards marriage, it's important to get to know the person, before getting into whether or not they're sexual enough for you. You'll find out soon enough what a person likes and dislikes as far as intimacy goes. There's no need to rush the conversation, before you know a little bit about the person. You might scare a girl off by asking her intimate questions to soon, or vice versa.

It's important to get to know someone before asking very private questions on their preferences for this and that in the bedroom. So to all of the men and women out there, you shouldn't be assuming that the person is okay with the conversation, unless you see the signs. What are the signs that someone is comfortable with the conversation? Well, you can usually tell if a person seems shy at first, while you're dating. That's a big sign right there! You can also tell a person's not ready to have the conversation, if you haven't met yet, and you're just talking and texting with them on the phone. As well, you should probably have a first kiss, and let the kiss guide you into seeing if they're ready to talk about anything more intimate. If you are that curious and feel like you need to know sooner, rather than later, but you don't want to overstep your boundaries, it doesn't hurt to ask. You can always say something like, "If I'm going too far, and you're uncomfortable, stop me, and I'll stop."

In my opinion, you shouldn't talk about intimacy and what his or her references are, until you've built a foundation with them. At least, the beginning of a foundation. I'd say definitely don't have a conversation about intimacy before a first date. As well, definitely don't have the conversation until after the first kiss. That would be my general advice on the subject. I believe that if people are patient enough, and truly get to know someone, with time and getting to know a person, you may naturally see what they like and don't like. I don't think there has to be a conversation at all about intimacy, early on. I believe that people can have that conversation after being intimate, so they can see what this person is all about. That way, there's no need to give past experiences, and use examples of what they've experienced, heard, or seen, as a comparison. Maybe this person you're about to date will surprise you, and knock it out of the park, in comparison with anyone you've dated before.

I think you should take the time and get to know the person, develop a healthy foundation with them, be exclusive, and go with the flow. I think that once people have been together for a while or are married, then they explore exciting new things with that person. Think about it, if you're having this conversation with someone you just started dating, they're likely to be having the same conversation with other people they're dating. Um, that's gross! That's not going to make a person feel very special. As well, if you're going into a new relationship with wounds from a previous relationship, not being what you hoped it would be in the bedroom, don't bring that baggage into a new situation. Give this new situation a chance and see what happens as you get to know them. You might be happily surprised that you'll be headed in the opposite direction of your last relationship.

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