Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Nothing I Do Seems Like Enough: Dating the Unappreciative Person

Scenario: I've been in a relationship with this girl for a while now and I feel like no matter what I do, she's never happy. I've tried everything I can to make her smile, laugh, and be in a good mood, but nothing seems to help. It's not that she's depressed or anything. It's just that when we spend time together, nothing ever seems to be good enough for her. What I mean by that is, no matter where I take her, what restaurants, what events, or any gifts that I buy her, nothing ever seems to please her the way that I had hoped. It doesn't seem to matter what I do for her, because she always complains to me, tells me that I'm doing something wrong, or that I'm not doing what she'd asked me to do. I really don't know how to fix this problem. I really want her to be happy and I want her to feel that I'm trying, that I care, and appreciate the things that I do for her. 

In the scenario above, it's clear that the man cares about his woman. As well, it's clear that he's asking for help which is great, and as we all know, it's not always easy to ask for help, admit that you're imperfect, and that you need advice. Without knowing the specifics in the scenario above, a few things are still apparent. The girl is unhappy with the things that her boyfriend is saying, doing, not doing, and the things that he's not doing the way that she'd like him to be doing them. Don't we all just love a complainer! Seriously though, sometimes in relationships we try to fix things by repeating the same solution over and over, but to no avail. 

You need to search outside of the box and find a different solution that we haven't tried. Perhaps it's time to stop trying to fix the problem in the scenario above, but to listen to what his girlfriend is actually asking, and it might be helpful for a better solution. Perhaps it's not about the things that he buys for her or the places that he takes her that she's mostly interested in. It's possible that when you listen to what your partner actually wants and start doing those things, instead of assuming what they want or what you think they'd like, you might start to notice that your partner will become more pleased and happier with you and what you're doing. 

Not all women feel the need to have all of those elaborate things in life, that men tend to assume that women need. Don't get me wrong, not all women feel that way. However, sometimes women just need someone to listen to them, make them feel heard, give them a hug, or spend quality time with them, rather than to do things for them that you "think" that they might like. I can't speak for all women when I say what women like or don't like. The scenario above was very general, so the most I could say would be that listening to your partner will give you a better idea of what they actually want and that you should stop assuming what you think that your partner wants or needs, and simply ask. Sometimes people ask for certain things that are quite easy to get, but in order to give them, you have to listen to what your partner tells you, and put in the effort of doing what they want. 

It's not about going all out and doing elaborate, phenomenally sweet things for your partner, but merely what they're actually asking you to do. Many times, all of your effort will seem like it goes to waste, but it doesn't have to. Many times we assume that we know what our partner needs, but many times we're mistaken, and our partner would be pleased with something totally different. This is why it's important to have good communication with one another, so that both people can understand what each other wants and needs in the relationship. A relationship shouldn't be a guessing game as far as knowing what each other wants and doesn't want. Having a strong foundation in a relationship should be based upon good communication, honesty, and being open book. I believe that it's truly important that people tell each other what they want and need in a very direct way when in a relationship. 

Now and then, people end up learning the things that I teach and write about while they're already struggling in their relationship and have been together for a while. That can make it hard to suddenly go from having bad communication, not being open book, and everything else I write about, to suddenly becoming those ways in the middle of the relationship. It can be hard to change our relationship that's having problems when certain things have become routine and a couple is used to behaving in a certain manner that probably isn't the way that they should be. Well, there's no better time to start changing and improving a relationship, than now! Of course, it's easier to start from scratch and take all of the right steps in a brand-new relationship, where there's no issues and problems happening. Having said that, improving ourselves and our relationships is good at any stage, and should start as soon as we are willing to improve. 

Sometimes you can only do so much to improve on your own, and you need to have your partner help you by improving themselves and in improving the relationship together as a couple. Many times people are stubborn in a relationship and don't want to contribute on improving anything. Those are more difficult cases and in a scenario like that, you should do everything that you can to improve your relationship on your own, and take things from there. I suppose at that point, once you've made any changes that you feel that you could, you should communicate your feelings with your partner.