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The following is a contributor article by Neer Tiwari: Is snoring ruining your relationship? Though this may seem like a w...

Thursday, September 10, 2015

15 Ways to Know You're Dating a Complainer

Being with a complainer for an extensive period, can take a toll on anyone. Even if the person is a resilient type that can usually put up with a lot, it can still be a lot to deal with. Being with a complainer can kill the energy and the mood in many situations. When someone complains too much, they can turn a good and happy day, into a bad and miserable one. There might come a time when the person that's dating or in a relationship with a complainer, gets to a point where they simply can't take it anymore. It's important to nip things in the bud. By nipping things in the bud, I'm saying that you should let the person that you're dating or in a relationship with know that they're complaining too much. If you don't speak up after a few complaints and let them know that what they're doing is very negative and how it's affecting you, it will affect you much more later. You might eventually explode if you're imploding all of your aggravation and feelings from all of their complaints. It's hard to date or be in a relationship with someone that never seems happy or satisfied. 

Someone that's a complainer really needs to work on themselves and try to change their outlook on life, and start viewing things as half-full, instead of half empty. They need to start appreciating what they have, instead of what they don't have. If a complainer doesn't start to realize the damage that they're causing to themselves and to the people around them, they might end up being very lonely in life. Most people likely won't want to walk around with ear plugs in their ears in order to tune you out, so you should probably start working on yourself, and stop complaining so much. It's important for the complainer to understand that complaining all of the time is simply unacceptable. It's a very toxic behavior that many people simply won't put up with. When you're dating a complainer that you care about, you need to try and be patient with them, and let them know how you feel in a way that they won't feel attacked. Remember, the way you talk to a person and how you say things can make all of the difference in how they respond to what you say. I decided to write a list of 15 ways to know that you're dating a complainer.

Here's the list:

1. Failure to impress: You may go all out in trying to impress your date, but nothing seems to satisfy them. They may initially act like they're impressed with things that you've done for them, but lo and behold, a complaint is just about to seep out of their lips. Nothing is ever good enough. 

2. Bad service, no tip: It doesn't matter how nice of a restaurant it is, they find something wrong with the food, the ambiance, or the service. This goes for anywhere that you might go together.

3. The grouch: They're always grouchy and in a bad mood, with a big, old puss on their face. At times, it seems almost pointless to try to make them smile. Nothing you say or do seems to make them happy. They always have an expression on their face that makes you want to ask them if something's wrong. But beware, asking a complainer if anything's wrong, will lead to more complaints of why they're being picked on.

4. What's missing: The glass is always half empty. They have a very negative outlook on things and perceive things as if something's always lacking. 

5. I hate this, I hate that: The word, "hate" seems to roll off of their tongue quite frequently. Everything from, "I hate the way this looks," to "I hate this place. Their food really sucks." They hate way more than they love. They should start changing their hateful terminology to something more along the lines of "don't like." For example, "I don't really like this. It's not my favourite food." It can be quite easy for them to change their terminology, once they become aware of how bad they sound to others. They should also add the words, "prefer" and "preference" to their vocabulary. For example, "I prefer fish over chicken," and "It's not really my preference." As well, they should try to become aware of their tone when they speak. It's possible that they'll make fun of trying to improve their vocabulary, and therefore, another bad quality could arise. The quality of "sarcasm."

6. Not good enough: They take perfectionism to an extreme extent, where it makes them miserable and view others, and other things in a miserable light. 

7. Thank you?: They're never appreciative of what they have, what you do for them, or what others do for them. They have a hard time expressing gratitude, without a back handed response to follow. 

8. I'm right, you're wrong: They can be rude or explosive, if they don't feel heard, while trying to convince you of something that they don't like or disagree with. If they don't feel heard while complaining about something, they'll simply find more things to complain about, and eventually, direct their complaining at you, as well as the initial complaint. They're constantly disagreeing with everything that you and others say. They're not much fun to debate with, because they always need to win and have the last word.

9. Me, me, me: They tend to be arrogant and selfish. They might even say hubris statements. A relationship should be balanced, so make sure that you're not trying to please your partner so much that you're putting aside your own desires, simply in order to please them, and avoid hearing them complain.

10. Disappointed donkey: They act as if they deserve certain things and are owed a certain treatment and lifestyle. They have expectations that are usually unreasonable. They can be very demanding as well.

11. Not a happy camper: They're never happy with themselves, with you, with what they have, what you have, or what either of you has achieved. 

12. Haters: They tend to say unkind and hurtful things to others. They might even be the extremely judgmental type. They're never proud of others for their accomplishments, good fortunes, or anything that someone is happy about. They tend to be envious and jealous, instead of being proud of and joyous in the happiness of others, and they rarely get emotional chills out of seeing someone else's happiness. They're always hating on people. They're never happy for them. They always wish it was them experiencing the joy, instead of someone else. They can't stand to see others succeed and thrive, and they might even try to destroy someone else's joy, consciously or subconsciously. 

13. More, more, more: They're always wanting more. It doesn't matter how perfect everything may seem, nothing is ever good enough. They never seem fully satisfied with anything. 

14. Don't worry honey: They struggle with living "in the now," and concentrate on the future to an extreme extent, that ends up killing the pleasure in the moment. The trick is to plant good seeds now, for a good future later. They tend to focus too much on "what if's," of course, thinking in the negative about everything. They can't enjoy the present moment, because they're too focused on their worries about their future. 

15. But... : They tend to use the word, "but" a little too frequently. There's always something they're about to add on to a compliment or positive statement. They're no stranger to giving back handed compliments. For example, "You're beautiful, but..." or "I really like this restaurant a lot, but..." I don't necessarily need to finish off those "but" statements, because you can probably come up with many yourself from those examples. It's important to let the person that you're dating or in a relationship with know what you like, etc. Having said that, a complainer will take advantage of that, and try to get away with giving you their opinions too much, adding a negative statement to the end.

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