Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Your First Date Was Your Last Date, and You Don't Know Why


Singles go on date, after date, after date, hoping to find someone that they'll like enough to have a second date with. Once they find that special someone that stood out more than the rest, and they had a great time with the person, generally, they can't wait to see them again. Let's say that you just finished a date with someone and it's one of the most wonderful dates that you've ever had. At least, in the moment you felt that way. But, for some reason, they're not giving you the same amount of attention that they were giving you before the date, and come to think of it, they seem a little more distant. 

You start to go through everything that happened on the date, and you start questioning yourself, thinking that you might've done or said something wrong. Did your slip show, did you have bad breath, were you talking too much, or whatever. You start to question whether or not you did anything to turn the person off. Is it possible that the person didn't feel the same way, didn't feel the connection, and didn't have an amazing time with you too? If that's true, then why would they said that they liked you a lot, if they didn't mean it, and why would they bother telling you that they couldn't wait to see you again? 

The truth is, whether or not you had an amazing time on the date, and whether or not the other person was honest to you about wanting to see you again, only time will tell if they meant what they said, and generally, you can see it in a person's actions (or lack of actions). When someone distances themselves from you, it's usually for two reasons. The first reason would be because they're not all that into you, and didn't want to make you feel bad, so they told you a little, white lie, thinking that it would make the evening more peaceful, create less drama, and they basically took the easy way out. The second reason is because they got busy. It's pretty simple really, either they're into you or they're not. When a person is busy, has a busy lifestyle, and keeps very active, it's generally a really good thing, because it shows how motivated and driven they are towards their goals. However, one thing that you need to remember is that no matter how crazy busy a person's lifestyle is, when someone wants you bad enough, they not only make time for you, but they'll make it happen. 

Someone that truly likes another person won't let them go so easy, and will likely pursue you, and frankly, will do so until they get you. When someone isn't all that interested in you, they're more likely to tell you white lies, be distant from you, and perhaps tell you what they think you want to hear many times, just to keep the peace. After the first date, or even during early dating, it can be harder to tell whether or not someone actually means it when they say that they had a good time with you, or that they really want to see you again. People might even drag you along for a while, as your feelings possibly develop even more for them, when they knew from the start that they weren't into you. The problem is that many times what happens when people tell you that they're interested in you when they're not, is that it makes it so the other person opens up their heart a little bit more, feels safer, and they'll likely start thinking of you, and developing feelings. When that happens, and the disinterested person doesn't let the other know that they're not all that into them, it can be very misleading to the other person. 

All people really need to do is be direct and honest from the get-go. You can still be direct, honest, a good person, and let someone know that you're not interested without hurting them. If anything, when you're not interested in someone, you don't have to just blurt it out. You simply don't have to go out with them again. I'm talking more so to those people that make the other person believe that they're into them, that they had an amazing time with them, and that they had all of the intentions in the world of not only seeing them again, but spending more time with them, and moving forward together. 

Everyone has first dates, and some people have many of them, as opposed to others. Despite how many first dates that you go on, if you're not interested in someone after one date, I don't think that there's any set of rules where you have to contact the person, text them, email them, or call them and let them know that you're not interested. In cases like that, I think that the disappearing act can be not only in order, but it's a general preference as to avoid unnecessary drama. However, once in awhile someone might get persistent, when they're interested, despite whether or not you're interested. In cases like that, I'd recommend sending a little message to them, letting them know that you're not interested, but that you wish them the best. It's the decent thing to do. Having said that, when you know that you're not interested in someone, you shouldn't mislead them into thinking that you're interested. 

Even for me personally. I've gone out with people that during the first date everything seemed to flow, and I truly felt a certain depth to the connection that we had. I was told that the feeling was mutual, but they'd become distant, and soon peace out. When the disappearing act happens in situations like that, the reason that it's so bad and much harder to take is because you were misled into thinking that the feelings were mutual, when they were nothing of the sort. I can't stress the importance enough about being direct, honest, and taking the high road when it comes to letting a person know whether or not you're interested in them. Be honest and don't mislead someone into thinking that you like them, when you don't.

There's a way of being pleasant and cordial during a date with someone that you realize you're not interested in, without being dishonest, misleading them, or telling them what they want to hear. It's important to put people in your shoes sometimes, and imagine how you'd feel if the roles were reversed. Something unfortunate that I see happening a lot with people is that they take the easy way out. They're dishonest, and they think that by telling little, white lies, it shouldn't really matter too much. I definitely disagree with that method. I believe in being direct and honest, but having a gentle, and sensitive heart. You don't have to be all mush to be sensitive to other people, but you can still be kind, and gentle.

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