Thursday, November 12, 2015

Bad First Dates and Taking the Brutally Honest Approach


Many singles out there can probably relate to what it feels like to be out on a first date with someone, and there's zero chemistry. Other than those people that are unfortunately taking advantage of others to get a free meal, you generally get that feeling of, "I gotta get outta here!" and "How much longer is this date gonna last!" It's such a drag to have to sit across the table from someone that you have nothing in common with, the conversation is dead, or perhaps you're completely thrown off by their appearance, feeling no attraction whatsoever, and you refuse to give the person a chance. I wrote this article for people that have felt this way, and what they should do if they unfortunately have another first bad date.

There are many people that would lie or make up excuses to abruptly end a date short. I haven't personally done that (unless I've seen signs of a bad temper), but I've definitely thought about it! However, I completely understand why people would want to do that. It's not nice to abruptly end a date, because it's insensitive to the other person. Despite the fact that you may not feel any vibe for a person you're on a first date with, you need to suck it up, and make the best of it. Sip on your wine a little harder, talk about music, or anything to pass the time. But, remember to be pleasant. Look, you already know that you never want to see the person again, so that should settle your antsiness of feeling the need to leave. It's all about moments in life. You have to keep in mind that your date will be over soon, so you might as well end things cordially if you can, and enjoy the moment as much as possible. Talk about some of the positive things in the environment where you're at. This is when being a good conversationalist comes to play, and small talk is essential.

Just because you're not into someone, doesn't mean that you should treat them poorly, inhumanly, or disrespectfully. You should be kind to people just for the mere sake of being a decent human being. It feels good to be nice to others. Don't you agree? If you think about it, we're all wanting to find that one special someone to love and share our lives with. Just because this one bad date didn't go the way in which you'd hoped, doesn't mean that you shouldn't still be a kind and sweet person. If you're brutally, brutally honest, you might even let the other person know that you're not feeling it (in a nice way), and add to that statement a nice "but." In other words, say something to the person that's out of a good place. Give them a compliment. Come on, we all have things that are good about us! I'll give you an example, but I can't stress the fact that you should be honest to people, even if you plan to never see them again. I'd say something like, "I'm really not feeling it. Something's kind of missing for me. But, I think you're a really nice person, and I appreciate you taking the time, going out with me tonight." I'd also likely add something like, "I want to be honest with you, and not mislead you by being too friendly." Remember, you have to come up with your own statement if you're planning on taking the brutally honest approach

Usually, people just disappear these days, which whether we like it or not, it's what happens. It's the easy way out. Ending things, even after a first date with some people isn't always easy, because one person might've felt something more. What's good about ending things after a first date is that there isn't really a conversation of, "We need to talk." Nothing should be too heavy on or after a first date. Even if you go out on a first date that's the closest thing to a home run, you still shouldn't get too heavy on any level. You don't necessarily need to take the brutally honest approach and tell the person while on the date that you're not into them. I usually wouldn't, but that's your call. It is an option though. Having said that, if you take this approach, then you must remember that there are two very important factors that you should follow. The two things that are crucially imperative in not causing pain, distress, or discomfort in any way to the other person are as follows.

1. Use the "but" word after telling them that you're not into them (as I've written above).

2. Be sweet, kind, and although you're being brutally honest and telling the person you're not feeling it, your tone of voice and sweetness is a must!

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