When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...
Monday, January 25, 2016
Second Chances in Relationships
Everyone has a weakness. When it comes to certain things in life, whether indulging in certain naughty foods, giving into cravings, or anything else, we all have weaknesses. Sometimes we're strong enough and have enough self-control to say no to them, or sometimes we give in, and make ourselves believe that it's okay to let go and indulge once in awhile. Having said that, depending on how much self-control we have, and whether or not something is good or bad for us, we make a decision as to what we feel we'll benefit from now, and if we're smart, we'll consider the long-term consequences as well.
When it comes to love and relationships, we all have weaknesses in regards to exploring old feelings that we might've had for someone in our past. As hard as it might be at times, we shouldn't look backwards, but instead, we should stay focused, and look towards our future, believing that what's in the past, should stay in the past. Generally speaking, I truly believe that when something is in the past, it's dead, gone, and you shouldn't look back. However, there are rare occasions when it's okay to explore an old romantic situation, but only under certain circumstances.
Sometimes in love and relationships, the timing might be off, or there are certain issues between a couple that are merely temporary issues. When a certain amount of time has passed, that couple's issues could possibly dissipate, and may no longer be issues for the couple. Usually, this isn't the case, and when people break up, they should stay broken up. As I've written before, there shouldn't be a break up, make up situation, where a couple goes back-and-forth into the relationship. Being on again and off again as a couple can be one of the most difficult experiences for a couple, and I've never been a big fan of it. However, like I said before, there are rare occasions that couples can explore old relationships if the fire and chemistry never died, and if both people are willing to improve on the particular issues that they previously had.
I say this not solely because I've seen it firsthand with couples that have played the on and off again game. Whether or not one would refer to it as a game or not, it's irrelevant, and that's just playing with words. The fact of the matter is that couples that tend to break up and make up again on a regular and frequent basis, more so than not, often tend to play games with their partner. When it comes to exploring an old situation that was powerful enough where you'd remotely even consider going backwards, it's important to take a deep breath, and be very sure about exploring that situation before taking a leap. What's to say that you won't break up again, and the same problems won't once again arise?
It's important not to get carried away by that incredible fire and chemistry that you might long for, that you might miss from the person, and not be distracted by those feelings, and forget why the two of you didn't work out as a couple the first time. It's important that if you explore that previous situation once again, there's a big chance that it will last, and be much healthier than the first time around. Sometimes couples need to take a step back, experience life without the person that they spent so long caring for, and get a glimpse of what life is like without the person. Over time, they might reevaluate their previous relationship, and come to a realization that they made a mistake by ending it. As well, they might not only long for the person to be in their life once again, but wish to take it to the next level, and go full force.
One of the biggest problems with being hopeful for someone that's looking to explore an old situation is the fact that they were let down once by the situation not going to the next level, but ending instead. In other words, they've already experienced a certain amount of heartache and disappointment from that very relationship not working out, and they can't imagine having to experience those hurtful feelings twice. This is why old situations shouldn't be explored more than once, unless they're sure that the things from their previous relationship won't be problems for the couple any longer. In addition, they need to be sure that there would be no resentment, bitterness, or residual hurt feelings left over from the first time their relationship was explored.
It's imperative that if a couple decides to explore an old situation once again, that they not only have an open book type of relationship where there's complete and brutal honesty, but they're able to communicate with each other very comfortably. They both need to feel heard, understood, and both must have an understanding of why their previous relationship didn't work, how they intend to improve it, and move forward together. For situations like this, having good communication is the key, and nothing should be swept under the carpet, as you leap back into the situation. Instead, it's important to be on the same page as the other person, communicate with each other as to what went wrong the last time, and to make sure that you're both willing to do whatever it takes to make the situation work this time.
When a couple jumps back into a relationship that previously didn't go as planned, they need to make sure that they're doing so for the right reasons. They shouldn't go back solely based on feelings of loneliness, the lack of having a partner or someone to fill that empty space that's been left, or for the mere satisfaction of superficial attraction filled with fire and chemistry ultimately routed from lust. They shouldn't be so careless as to explore such a situation, without having given it much thought. Otherwise, it will be nothing more than empty intimacy if they decide to explore the situation again.
It's important that if a couple explores an old situation, they concentrate on building a better foundation with one another, as opposed to immediately responding to their superficial gratifications based on passion, lust, and feelings of desire. Many times second chances aren't deserved, and shouldn't be given to someone. However, once in awhile there are certain situations in which love not only resurfaces, but it deserves a second chance at true happiness. When both people are willing to work on things, and they're both willing to put in the effort and do anything that it takes to improve things for the better, and for the long-term, it could work.
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