When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Digging Into the Past vs. Living in the Present
Have you heard of the saying, "sharing is caring?" When you're dating someone new, how important is it to you to know everything about their past? Do you feel that you need to know everything about a person's past, before committing to a life with them, as big as marriage? Would you feel that the person is hiding things from you, if they're uncomfortable talking and sharing things, hardships perhaps, from long ago? I wrote this article to answer these and many other questions on this matter. I hope to open up people's minds that feel that it's a "must" to know everything about another person's past.
I don't feel that a person needs to share everything about their past with their significant other, whether it be while dating, in a relationship, or even when, and if they get married. I believe that when a person is comfortable enough with someone, they naturally tend to open up, and share things about their past. Many times people want to feel loved, safe, and secure in knowing that they won't be judged poorly for anything that they went through in their past. People don't want to be or feel judged for anything that they've done wrong, and have felt remorseful for, or anything that could or would make the other person want to leave if they knew.
There are some people that have had upbringings from childhood that weren't so easy, and some that one would even consider horrendous. There are others that have had a pretty smooth sailing growing up, without much turbulence, or any unbearable discomfort. Everyone has a different story as far as their childhood, and youth goes. As we get older, many of us have to fall, in order to learn from our mistakes. Whereas others tend to be more cautious in their lives, making fewer mistakes, and falling much less.
When people fall and make mistakes, they usually have to face consequences in their lives. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the consequence. Many people learn from those mistakes, and don't repeat them. Others don't learn from them, and not only do they repeat them, but they pass them on to their children, and the pattern continues. The cycle continues unless someone stops the pattern by recognizing that they've made a mistake, and they start to make positive changes in their life, trying not to repeat those same mistakes again.
I don't believe that people need to disclose all information from their past, because sure, a person is made up from how they were raised, what they learned, and what mistakes they've made. But, the outcome is what's most important. I truly believe that it's a person's present life, and present actions that you should pay close attention to. You shouldn't concentrate on digging and prying to get to the bottom of the other person's soul, and the hardships that they might've gone through. You should get to know who the person is now, who they've become because of their past, and because of what they might've gone through. The more accepted, loved, and safe that they feel, the more that they'll want you to be proud of them, and the more that they'll want to openly share with you.
Many people feel entitled to know every little detail about a person, before agreeing to committing to them for the long term. I don't agree with that method for two reasons. I believe that people should basically get over their entitled type of feeling, and put themselves in the other person's shoes. Secondly, I feel that sharing is caring, but even more so, caring is sharing. Get my drift? If you love someone, and I mean truly love another human being, you shouldn't make them feel uncomfortable. You should put more of your efforts into making a person feel loved, accepted, and adored to point in which they feel safe. If you feel that a person is hiding things from you, perhaps it's because they don't feel safe. When a person feels truly safe with you, they'll naturally open up in their own time, without you having to pry. Remember, what really matters is what a person's like now, and how they will be in their future.
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