Thursday, November 5, 2015

10 Ways to Get over an Ex

One of the hardest things to do is to get over someone that you once had such intense, and strong feelings for. Whether you were dating a person for a short amount of time, perhaps you were in a long term relationship, maybe it's an ex spouse, it doesn't matter, because sometimes the way that you feel about a person can run so deep, straight through your body, where your whole system, and your whole being falls madly into this person. How in G-d's beautiful world can you get over that person, when you know that for whatever reasons you can no longer be with them?

Whether a person has moved on, whether there was a break up, maybe they didn't love you back, maybe you weren't good together, maybe you both had too many issues, or maybe (G-d forbid) they'd passed away, sometimes it's hard to let go of them. Sometimes it feels nearly impossible to imagine not feeling that gut wrenching, stomach aching, yearning of desire, passion, and romantic love for them. You might feel lost, alone, and as if you'll never love anyone the same way as you did that person. Well, I obviously don't have all of the answers, nor do I ever claim to know exactly what to do all of time. However, I wrote this article to share some ways in which the person that's going through these aching, torturous emotions can try to move on, not feel as much pain, and to open their eyes, even if it's just a little bit. 

I often write about what people should do or not do when it comes to not dating or moving on, when they're not ready to. One of the worst things that people can do is move on, before they're ready. It's bad for themself, and it's bad for anyone else that they'd be involved with. I never think that dating or hooking up with people for a mere rebound is okay, and I'd hope that those reading this would agree. If a person feels that it helps them to move on by being with someone new, they're probably right. But, and I say "but" in italics, it's never okay to hurt or cause intentional pain to others, and that's what you'd be doing by dating or hooking up with someone, when you're just in it for yourself (unless some random person doesn't care, but I write, and promote being in love, not just hooking up, so I won't discuss that further).

Here are some ways that I feel would help a person get over an ex, get over a heartbreak, or get over any type of loss, or lost situation. The biggest cure would be time, and recognizing that things are over, and in the past. It's hard to put the list together being that some situations like breakups, heartbreaks, and whatnot need one type of list, where as a passing of a dear loved one would need another list all together, so I'm going to try and keep the list beneficial for both, and all types of scenarios. Having said this, I want to add one thing in regards to when a person passes, and we're speaking about a person whom you'd loved dearly, and more. There's nothing wrong with thinking, and remembering your love for that person. You're aloud to feel what you feel. You're aloud to go through any, and every emotion that comes naturally to you.

You had something something beautiful, and you should try and concentrate on embracing your happy memories with that person, not on the loss of them. This of course, is merely my opinion. You need to acknowledge the fact that they're gone, and come to terms with that, but you will have an easier time getting past the loss of them, if you embrace, enjoy, and smile back on all of your good times, and happy memories that you shared with them. For those in such cases, over time, when you're ready, this will be a good trick to help out during sad moments. Remember the good, remember the smiles, the uncontrollable laughter, and remember all of the special things that you shared together. DON'T concentrate on the loss, but concentrate on the good memories. Some things on this list you should do when you've lost someone dear to you, and they're deceased. 

The list:

1. Distract yourself: When you start thinking about the person, distract yourself by doing something else. Kill the thought when you catch yourself thinking about the person. Stop the thought, and kill it in a split second. You can control your own thoughts, so do it for the sake of your spirit, and your happiness.

2. Laugh: Do something, anything that will make you laugh. Go to a comedy club, watch a comedy, or go out with funny friends.

3. Leave your home: Obviously, don't leave your home permanently (unless there are way too many sad memories there). But, leave, meaning go out and feel the breeze, the air, the sunshine. Did you know that the early morning sun helps relieve depression, and it gives you Vitamin D. Just get out of the house, and it doesn't really matter what you do, where you go, if it's just a walk, or whatever, just get out of your house for awhile when you're feeling down, before you end up back in bed.

4. Make noise: Make sure there's always noise flowing in your home. Whether it's television, music, people talking, or whatever. As long as there's background noise, it can really help out, so that you don't think too much.

5. Work out: Stop being lazy. Work out at home, work out at a gym, go on a walk or a jog, but whatever you do, be active with your body. Basically, your heartbreak needs heart rate. Yes, I made a rhyme. I know, I'm good, I can't stop myself when I'm on a role! My best suggestion would be to go to a quiet (I know, it's not loud, like I just wrote about noise in the home, but that's different) track, trail, or park of some sort where you can hear yourself think, as your heart rate goes up, doing a fast paced walk. Try and push yourself a little bit more, just when you're ready to stop and call it quits for the day. Your thoughts are usually much clearer when you're working out, so I'd embrace those emotions when you're working out, hearing your tunes, or simply hearing your own self think, letting your mind wonder. 

6. Bathe: Take a warm to hot bath, embrace the water touching your skin, light a candle if you're into that, and turn on music if it will help you relax. Hey, it's okay to cry. Crying is healing. Just try and relieve some of stress by soothing yourself by closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and knowing that this feeling that you feel, this hurt, this agony, it will get better, and you won't feel as bad tomorrow. Every single day is a brand new day to start all over. Remember that. If that doesn't help, add bubbles. How can you go wrong with bubbles! You can't cry with bubbles in your tub! Now that would be silly! 

7. Spoil yourself: Brush your hair (hey, it feels good), get a massage, or get a nice manicure/pedicure, and pay 5 extra dollars for 5 extra minutes when they're rubbing your feet (it's pretty standard pricing). Love yourself, even when you're broke. Sometimes you need that extra 5 minutes, and this is one of those times!

8. Be social: Go out with friends or family that make you feel good. Don't go out with people that weigh you down, talk about your ex, and make you feel worse, etc. The point of going out is to not think about the person, so try not to. 

9. Be moderate: You may think this is a silly one, but it's not! Eat, drink, sleep, work out, be social, cry, and everything else must be done in moderation. If you have a drink of wine, etc., that's alright, but don't drink when you're upset, and don't drink to get drunk. Drink to chill, and enhance a happy moment, not to distract yourself from your sorrow. Eat well, but don't over indulge because of your sorrow, because you'll be hurting yourself more than anything. Drink enough water and get enough sleep. Don't do anything to the extreme, because it will end up hurting you in the long run. This is very important when you're going through a hard time emotionally. Love yourself enough to take good care of your well being and your body. 

10. Thrill your system: Do something that will cause your body a surge of excitement. Don't go crazy now, as I'm not much of a thrill seeker personally. So get a thrill within reason (remember, number 9 above). Go to the park, get on a swing, swing high, and see if you don't smile. Do something that won't hurt you, but will give you a little rush (hey, say no to drugs, I'm not into it, and I don't support it at all!). Go dancing, go on a run, go to the beach and put your feet in the sand, go to an amusement park, or take a weekend trip to Vegas if you can. Just do something that will bring you back to life emotionally.