Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Keepin It Real in Relationships

Some people will do anything to avoid drama and a turbulent situation. But, when you do that, there's no growth, and you're basically sweeping things under the rug. Sometimes it's important to hash things out, and get to the root of disagreements. Having said that, you shouldn't feel the need to hash out every little disagreement, because not everything should be a big deal in relationships, or in anything really. It's important not to hold things in that bother you, because those discomforts and aggitations won't dissipate, unless they're talked about, worked out, and resolved. What everything really boils down to in relationships is pretty simple. The only way to truly grow in a relationship is to be with someone that will call you out on your shit. It's one thing to want a simple life and a simple relationship with someone. But, it's another thing to be in a relationship where people want to have peace so much, to the point where they'll not want to make a big deal about anything, even when it's important, and growth can come from it. I wrote this article to explain why I feel "keepin it real" is a must in relationships.

It's always better to nip things in the bud, so that little things that bother you or your partner don't become a bigger deal than they really are. When things aren't nipped in the bud, they might start out as small and insignificant problems, but could arise into becoming something bigger. It's always better to hash things out when they're small, as opposed to when things have grown into a much bigger deal, because it will be much easier to deal with when they're small. Of course, most of us already know this, but it's always good to have a little reminder, and now you have one by reading this article. 

Holding back your thoughts and feelings will get you nowhere in your relationship. There's a big difference between holding back on saying cruel, insensitive, pointless, drama provoking statements, or asking questions as such, where no good will come from it. But, it's another thing to hold back on things that you can both learn from, grow from, where if your partner has the knowledge of certain things that bother you, etc., it can make your lives happier, and make you and your partner more at peace. It's of utter importance to share your true feelings with your partner so that they can get to know you, the real you, not the you that you're trying to portray as perfect, but the you that's imperfect like the rest of us.

In a truly healthy relationship, you shouldn't have to hold back your real feelings, nor should you! It's imperative that you act natural and as yourself from the get go, upon first meeting, and throughout the early dating period, before you're even in a relationship. Otherwise, your whole relationship will be based on fiction and won't last, and definitely won't stand the test of time. Think about it, how long are you going to be okay with pretending you're okay with things that you're not, and how long can you fake a smile, when your partner is doing something that makes you cringe. 

So now that we've gone over the importance of not holding back on your true feelings in your relationship, I feel the need to go over the importance of expressing yourself and how you express yourself. The way that you express yourself and your "true" feelings can make all of the difference in the response that you get, and in the way that the person hearing your feelings reacts. It's important to speak at a kind, calm, and poised tone and manner, where you can speak your mind, be heard, and still maintain a conversation, so that your opinions don't provoke an argument. It's important to remember that if you want something from someone, or need something to change in a situation, you can get much more with honey, than with vinegar (as my close friend would say), so try the sweet approach. Having said that, remember, your relationship will be stronger, have a solid foundation, and stand the test of time when you're honest, open book, loving, easy going, and let's not forget to always "keep it real."