Saturday, October 24, 2015
Dating: Venting to Others (Part 3)
Read: "Dating: Venting to Others (Part 2)"
When you involve other people in disputes that you may be having with the person that you're dating, in a relationship with, or married to, and your partner finds out that you've been confiding in someone else about your private matters, your partner is likely to get hurt, angry, and do the same thing with their friends. By doing that, they're only aggravating the problem, instead of helping to fix it. By going to other people and sharing your private matters that should be predominantly dealt with by you and your partner alone, you're opening the door to getting bad advice, your partner getting bad advice if they're doing the same thing, and that's only going to make everything messier, and more complicated.
Again, I can't stress enough the importance of being your partner's best friend. When you're best friends, it took a while to get to that level of trust, and friendship, and likely, you've developed such a good friendship, because it was based on honesty, trust, and great communication. Communication is everything in a relationship, and relationships don't improve by confiding in other people, getting outsider's opinion, and whatnot. Relationships improve by learning how to communicate better with your partner, and learning how to make each other feel heard, and understood.
It's always okay to have different opinions on things for the most part. There will be times when you agree, and disagree on things, but the most important thing is to remember to listen to your partner when they speak, reflect what they're saying, and then give your feelings, opinions, and whatnot. They should reflect to you as well, and hopefully that will keep the conversation calm enough, where you can both come to a certain medium, where even when you disagree, you can agree to disagree.
In times when you both feel the need to bring in an outsider's opinion, like couples therapy, or marital counseling, etc., you should both be aware that you're doing that, whether you're going alone to therapy, or as a couple. You shouldn't keep secrets from your partner, and they should definitely be aware if you're discussing your private matters with someone else. As much as we all love our friends, we don't always agree with the things that they say or do. Having said that, sometimes friends give you bad advice, complicating situations for you much more, when you take their advice.
As much as I hate to say this, many times people that are our friends, and others that act as if they have our best interests at heart, they don't, and it's important to be careful with who you bring into your life, whether friends, or family. Not everyone has pure, good intentions, and not everyone will give you advice coming from a good place. You have to do what's best for you and your partner, and that's learning to communicate better, learning to talk to each other in a more peaceful tone, and learning to make each other feel heard, especially, during the hard times.