Saturday, October 24, 2015

Dating: Venting to Others (Part 2)



Assuming that you're dating, in a relationship, or married to your best friend, you should be able to have the kind of communication with them where you can take a few minutes, or an hour, and think, or take a walk by yourself, organize your thoughts, and then, when you're in a more relaxed, poised mindset, you should discuss things further with your partner. You never want to get into an argument where it becomes an explosive fight. 

The reason that arguments or fights become explosive is usually because couples are still getting to know each other, have or develop bad communication, or don't let each other share their feelings, or opinions. Both people in a relationship should be able to share their feelings, views, and opinions on everything. Each partner should listen to the other when they're sharing their feelings, and opinions, etc. 

As much as some people hate the term, "reflecting," I'm going to have to use it in this article. Reflecting is when you listen to what your partner, or someone is saying, and then basically, repeating what they said, but without all of the details. For example, if you tell your partner that you're feeling stressed, because they're not doing things that they said, taking out the garbage, or they're not being intimate with you enough, you'll need to reflect their feelings, so that they feel like you've heard them, even if they disagree with what you're saying. You would reflect their feelings by saying, "So basically, you're saying that you feel stressed, and like I'm not being intimate enough with you, or helping out around the house, taking out the garbage, etc." 

Depending on how long your partner is talking, when you reflect, you obviously need to shorten what they're saying into a sentence or two. Reflecting is important in relationships, so that both people in the relationship feel heard, even when you don't agree with them. Feeling heard in a relationship is very important, so that you both don't go to people on the outside, just so you'll feel heard, and like someone understands you, because your partner doesn't seem to. 

Keep in mind that when you're reflecting to your partner, you're putting effort into your relationship, and that's a very healthy thing. The more that you reflect, the more natural it will become. When you reflect what your partner is saying, remember never to be sarcastic, condescending, or obnoxious in any way, because your partner will not only get more agitated, but it defeats the whole purpose of reflecting. 


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