Sunday, October 4, 2015

Dating: Making an Ass of Yourself (Part 1)

There's nothing worse than when people come across as very assuming. When someone is assuming, they're basically acting like the first three letters of the word. You should never assume things about people, and especially not before you meet them and get to know them. I wrote this article for the people that don't know any better, and live their lives in a very assuming manner. 

During early dating, when someone assumes that they know a person, they're not truly giving the situation or likely, any situation a real chance. You should never start assuming things before you actually go to the source, find out the truth, and get to know a person for who they really are. There are many ways that people can start assuming things, without knowing the real facts. When someone is willing to ride a person off and judge them too quickly based on very little information, they likely have trust issues and have been burnt before. If anything, the person judging might be the one with the real problem, but we won't assume here. I'm going to show you some of the ways that people can be easily misguided and assume things under false pretenses. 

During early dating, there are many things that people start assuming about the person that they're dating, before actually taking enough time to find out the true reasons behind their past and things that they've gone through, etc. I always talk about the importance of going into new situations brutally honest and with an open book type of approach. When you start assuming things about a person, they can usually tell, and might end up becoming defensive, and feel that you're judging them. That's going to take away from that person's desire to share things and be so open book with you. When you start assuming things about a person before actually getting to know them well, a person is bound to feel judged, and you're likely going to hurt their feelings. 

When you start judging people too early, you're basically assuming that you know them. You're assuming that you know why they did the things that they did, why they've possibly struggled in life, why they didn't have a perfect upbringing, and perhaps why they ended up divorced, etc. No one knows the reasons why your road in life might've been bumpy. No one has lived a perfect life and if they start bragging about having lived a perfect life, trust me when I say this, they might've had more rocky of an upbringing than you. 

Another thing that people do which tends to let people in a little bit closer to you (or not), is digging and prying into your past. People always want to learn about other people's pasts. But, during early dating, prying and digging too much is very inappropriate. There's a time and a place when a person will open up to you naturally, without you having to dig, and especially during early dating. Think about it this way, when you go on a date with someone, you have a limited amount of time to spend with them, and you can't possibly go through every little detail of their past. It's important to remember that the past is what has made a person who they are, but there's a long road between the past and the present, and many people have worked hard in life and on themselves in order to get to where they are at this point in their life. The past is not nearly as important as the present and the future. The past is dead and gone and shouldn't be as big of an interest to people as it is. Having said that, everyone likes to get to know where a person came from and what their childhood was like, etc., and that's very normal. 

When you're dating someone new and they ask you too many questions, it can make you feel like they're prying into your past. As well, it can tend to make you want to hold back and not share with them as much. The person that's questioning the other on their past to an extent that makes them feel uncomfortable is basically judging the person by their responses, and assuming that they know why whatever outcome happened. But, without knowing all of the fine details, there's no way to know what really happened and why, unless you take the time and get to know the person more. If you're anything like me, details are very important, and so is knowing the whole story of any situation. If you look at a court of law, the same thing goes, and they can't make a decision whether someone is guilty or innocent, without knowing all of the facts. 

During early dating, there's no need to find out all about a person's past. You never know what kind of a past someone had until you start prying, and then it's usually too late, and you've created an uncomfortable situation. I know many people that can relate to having a rough past, and it's very unfair to the person that you're dating, when you pry too much early on. A person should feel comfortable to talk and share things with you at a pace that's comfortable for them. They should be able to have the chance to get to know you a little bit more than a few dates, before the heavy questions start pouring in. There's no need to make a person feel uncomfortable, where they're literally at a point where they feel that they're under oath, and that they're being interrogated, when they're only on a date with you. 

Get to know a person for how they are now, not how their parents are, not for how they were raised, not for mistakes that they've made in the past, but for who they are now, and for the person that they've become. Get to know the person that's sitting across from you by the questions that you ask them about their life now, and about where they hope to be one day. Ask the person lighter questions and listen to their responses. Ask them what their life is like now and what their daily routine is, etc. Find out what their dreams are and any goals that they have for their future. In "Dating: Making an Ass of Yourself (Part 2)," I will share a list of 6 things that people should stop doing during early dating.