The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Dating: Making an Ass of Yourself (Part 2)

You shouldn't judge a person based on any assumptions that you make, without truly getting a chance to get to know them. As well, you should try and get to know a person by talking with them, asking questions, and listening to their responses. You shouldn't have to judge people and assume things by doing any of the things in the following list. Last but not least, remember not to make your partner feel interrogated during early dating by asking too many personal questions about their past. I'm sure that the person you're dating will open up naturally, and on their own in the right time. 

Here's the list:

1. Snooping at their Facebook profile or other social media. You can never judge a person by what they post on social media, because they post for a million different reasons. Some people merely post things on their social media to show their friends love by sharing their stuff. The worst thing that you can do is judge a person based on the types of things that they post on social media, because many people portray a certain persona on the Internet, that's nothing like the real them. 

2. Reading their online dating profile. Even when someone writes an online dating profile from their heart and they seem very interesting, or as if they have a great sense of humour through what they've written, you can still only tell so much. A dating site profile is just that, a dating site profile, and is only a way to get an "idea" about a person, and that's one thing that makes online dating so difficult. Many people are not only judging others by their picture alone, but on what they've written or not written as well. You could be missing out on an incredible person, whom if you'd met in real life, outside of the online dating scene, you might actually hit it off pretty well. 

3. Knowing a few facts about a person and assuming that you know what kind of a person that they are, because of those facts. Whether you've heard these facts from someone else or whether you've had one conversation, or even one date with the person, and assuming you fully know a person enough, you might not be giving the situation and the person a real chance and enough of a shot. Don't get me wrong, if you see any red flags, don't date them again. But, sometimes people judge others and assume things too quickly, when they don't see any red flags. You should give people a real chance and get to know them well, and then make the best decision for yourself on whether they're a good match for you or not. 

4. Word-of-mouth. This means that you've heard things through the grapevine and you believe them to be true. Basically, someone told you. You're playing the game of telephone, and believing everything that you hear to be true about a person. In Hebrew they call this term lashon hara, which means talking bad about other people. There's no need to continue a rumour, nor believe that one is true, until you get your facts straight. You should never assume that you know a person without having taken the time to truly get to know them. 

5. Googling a person. Anyone that really knows me, knows that I'm not very big on Googling people before I date them. If you take the steps during early dating, and even before the first date, like I've written about previously, and you still feel the need to Google the person, then you're Googling the person for the wrong reasons. It's better to ask a person questions during early dating and get to know them first hand, without assuming things that you've read on Google to be true. If you read something bad about someone that you're about to date on Google, then you're bound to start assuming why what you've read is true, assuming that it's true as well. In doing so, you're starting off a brand new situation with a very untrusting heart and you're destroying any possibilities for a future with the person you're about to date to actually like you. You know what they say, no one likes a snoop, or was it a snitch... Either way, stop snooping and ask the person questions directly, without having questions that were provoked by what you read about them on Google.  

6. Prying and digging into a person's past by asking them too many private questions (especially, during early dating). Everyone's pasts are private, until they've had a chance to get to know you and feel comfortable enough to want to share with you on their own. Asking too many questions about a person's past isn't going to let you get to know who they are as a person today.