The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Sunday, August 30, 2015

The Top 3 Things That Will Make Your First Date, Your Last

You know what they say, three strikes and you're out. Let's say you had to pick three things that would kill a first date for you. Sure, there might be other things you don't like about a person as well. But if we narrowed it down to three things, I wonder how many of us would pick the same three. The truth is, any one of these things is a deal breaker or a red flag. I believe that some red flags are universal for everyone. There's nothing wrong with having very high standards and being picky about what you want and don't want in a relationship. 

It should be a prerequisite before dating, to know what you want in a person. What's bad is when people start dating, not knowing what they want and what works for them. Otherwise, you'll just settle for anyone who looks good without knowing what does and doesn't work for you. The only exception I can think of would be if you have no dating experience. In that case, you're off the hook and need to explore and date to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. For everyone else, you should know, or at least have an idea of what you want before dating.

When you go on a first date, everything should somewhat flow and you should get a chance to see if the person is a good match for you. When I go on a first date, I take it to another level, and I try to see if this person could be the "best possible" match for me. I'm not sure if everyone realizes this, but a lot of people could be a good match for you. I'm going to try to keep this from sounding like a hubris statement. If you hold your standards high enough, know what you're looking for, and can tell very clearly when someone stands out from the rest, then why settle! 

You may get along with a lot of people and you may even go out with a lot of attractive looking people. However, people can be gorgeous as hell, but you still may not be a good match with them. Some people may have a great personality, but you can't imagine ever kissing them. You might find a really great guy or girl and you like almost everything about them. In other words, even if they seem like a good match, they might not be the best possible match for you

In the beginning, when you really like someone, you don't start judging them and tearing them apart, finding out what you don't like about them right off the bat. At least, not when you're really interested in them. If you do that, then you're just coming up with excuses because you're not digging their vibe. It's true that there's no perfect person, so you can stop looking for one. There will be many people that could seem like a good fit, but there will be one that feels just right, not almost right. Until you find that person, you need to keep looking. Sometimes it takes a few dates to figure out whether someone is not a good match, a good match, or the best possible match for you. 

I'm going to go ahead and knock off one of the reasons that you might think will be one of the top three on the list. You might think that one of the top three reasons is a person that doesn't look like their picture, assuming that it's a blind date or if you met online. That shouldn't be a reason, when you go about dating in the way that I always suggest. 

I always suggest that you have certain forms of communication before going on an actual first date with someone that you meet online. Those communications are either emails or text messages back and forth, at least one phone conversation, and sending each other a few pictures. You can even add each other on social media, if you're both comfortable. So if you've gone about preparing for a first date like I suggested, then a person not looking like they said or had shown online, wouldn't be one of the deal breakers on a first date. 

The list:

1. No chemistry 

I'm saying chemistry and not attraction, because when there's the right kind of chemistry, there is attraction. When there is good chemistry, a healthy foundation can grow. A relationship should be based on a healthy foundation or it won't last. When you have good chemistry with someone, everything else naturally happens, including physical attraction. Yes, physical attraction can develop with great chemistry.

2. Rude to waiters or workers 

If a person isn't kind to waiters, etc., it shows lack of respect and love for other human beings. It shows that they feel superior and are on some type of power trip. This is a big deal and this person truly needs to get over themselves! If a person acts like they're better than everyone else, they get two red flags. See below.

3. Arrogance

Well, here it is folks! The exact opposite of one of the most beautiful qualities (being humble). As sexy as a confident man or woman is, when a person is arrogant it's so damn ugly! An arrogant person loves to hear himself talk and thinks he's always right. They try to dominate conversations and like having the last word. The men are usually alpha males. The women are usually snobs. They boast about themselves and their achievements in a way that they portray themselves to be deserving. They usually look for perfection (which doesn't exist) in a partner. An arrogant person feels the need to overcompensate where he's lacking.