The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Friday, August 28, 2015

Single, but Unavailable

When you play by the rules or have too many strategic plans while dating someone new, you may miss out on the person. There's no need to play childish, immature games, in order to get another person to like you or desire you more. When you like a person, you should let it be known and do what you have to do in order to get the person, and without playing games. Playing games is a waste of time. It's a way of having more control in a relationship and trying to have an upper hand, so that the other person will like you more, and in the process, get attached. Playing games is a foolish way to start something that could lead to something very meaningful and long lasting. 

You may be very interested in someone and view them as quite the catch, but if you don't act quick enough, you could lose them. If you feel like losing them wouldn't be such a great loss, that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that it wasn't meant to be, then by all means, move on. However, if you truly think that this could be "the one" and that it's hard for you to find people this genuine and good, don't waste time, and catch this person, before it's too late. Don't forget the old saying that opportunity usually only knocks once. If you want something bad enough, you have to make it happen, and go after it. Otherwise, somebody else will, and you'll miss your chance. 


A while ago, I had a very "self aware" type of moment. I was about to take a phone call with someone that I was interested in dating. However, I told the person that I was unavailable to talk until later in the evening, when my kids were asleep. It was true, I was busy writing, etc., but I still wasn't making the time, and I could've. But, then I realized a mere moment later, that I was postponing the phone call, and for no logical reason. At that point, I realized that I not only did it then, but I do that all of the time. That's a sign of not giving things a real chance and I was wrong for doing that. I wasn't making time for something that I really wanted. I was postponing a phone call, likely because I've experienced so many phone calls that led to nothing, in the past years of being single. But, still, I was postponing it. 

I think another reason I was postponing phone calls was because I knew that they could lead to them asking me on a first date, and I'd be put on the spot. If I was unsure about accepting the first phone call, then I knew I'd be unsure about wanting to accept the first date. As well, I never liked hurting people or making them feel bad, by saying I can't go out with them. I just preferred not to take phone calls when I had doubts. Boy, was I wrong! The only way that I could meet someone and have everything I wanted, was to take first phone calls. All I needed to do was have enough inner strength and confidence that I could say, "It was really lovely talking with you, but I don't feel that we're the right match, and I wish you the best." I've been postponing phone calls until the evening, slightly shy and embarrassed to have that first conversation, and I've been doing this for years. I realized that I've not only been postponing phone calls, but first dates as well. At that moment, I finally understood that I am the reason that I'm still single. 

I realized that if I'm interested in someone, and I feel that there's hope (which I did), then I needed to be proactive and take the phone call sooner, rather than later. I realized that I've been postponing that phone call with this person for nearly 5 years (more or less). As I laugh about it now, it's really not all that funny. The truth is, my heart was completely open and ready to fall in love, but I needed to have that first phone call and first date, in order to do that. I told myself that I'm not going to postpone having that first phone call anymore. So just as I texted the person back, saying that I would be available to chat after 8:30, I sent another text saying, "or now is good too." Having said this, having a glimpse into my personal life, and seeing how imperfect I am, and that I postpone things all of the time as well, it's a work in process. 

You shouldn't expect to suddenly become a different person overnight. But, becoming self aware and realizing the areas in which you need to improve, is not only the first step, but a big first step. I went out that same evening, and it was fabulous. It was better than I expected, and I never would've known if I didn't take that first phone call that night. It's never good to postpone things that you really want. If you're hoping to settle down and get married, you have to do everything in your power to make that happen for yourself. You can't expect things to be handed to you on a platter. You have to be proactive and go after your goals and dreams until you get them. 

There are people that go on a date with someone and decide that they're not the right match for them. At some point afterwords, they see that person again, and that they've found someone and are incredibly happy. At that point, they start to think, "Hmm, I should've been with her (or him)." That way of thinking is very toxic and you should kill the thought as it comes to your mind. That's a characteristic of someone that wants what they can't have, but once they have it, they don't want it anymore. If you feel that way, you need to do some serious soul searching and find out what you truly desire to have in another person. 

You have to appreciate someone when you have them, not after you lose them. I've read many books on how to be happy and from what I can see, they all have one thing in common. They all say that you should appreciate what you have and not concentrate on what you don't have. That's the key to happiness. So if you have a lover in mind, or you want to make someone yours, go after them. Don't waste any time, because things change in life so rapidly, that you may miss your big chance. Don't risk losing something that could be the best thing in your life... True love