The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Friday, August 28, 2015

12 Ways People Sabotage New Relationships

I always compare a new relationship to a newborn baby. A new relationship has purity, innocence, and a blank, clean slate just like a new baby. When a baby comes into this world, it hasn't yet fallen down and made mistakes. It hasn't been hurt or hurt anyone else. It has an innocence that's so delicate, unlike anything else. When a person gets into a new relationship, it has a similar energy to it. It has that same innocence where nothing has been done wrong yet. It has all of the potential in the world to become a beautiful and promising new relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes we do things to mess it up early on. I decided to write a list of 12 ways that people sabotage promising, new relationships.

Here's the list:

1. Smothering: Sometimes we all need our own space. I don't know about you, but when I start a new relationship, I love spending nearly every second with the person. However, there are moments that even I want my own space. Sometimes you need a little "me time." There are many ways a person can feel smothered. Generally, people usually give off the signs that they're feeling that way. Maybe you're texting the person nonstop and they don't like it. You should be able to get a feel for what's a healthy and good amount of time your partner is comfortable with spending with you. 

2. Jealousy: You should be able to trust each other. When you have an open book relationship and trust each other, jealousy should never be an issue. You should love each other enough to be open book with each other. Nothing is uglier than when people get jealous. Be confident in yourself, in your partner, and give them the benefit of the doubt. If they're shady, you'll naturally find out. 

3. Prying: It's never good to pry into someone's past too much. Let someone naturally open up to you and share with you the things that they're comfortable sharing. The past is dead and gone. 

4. Controlling: Don't start telling people how to dress and act in order to fit your lifestyle or what you find attractive. Fall in love with the person for how they are now and any improvements that come down the line, should be natural. Don't try to change other people. Love your partner enough to give them space and let them make wise decisions for themselves. You're not their parents, but their partner. 

5. Lack of trust: People should never go into relationships with old baggage. When you get into a new relationship, you should be very trusting and give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Once a person breaks your trust, then it's going to be hard to fix. Both people need to be open book and trust each other completely. You should be in a relationship with your best friend. It's as simple as that. You should never assume things about the other person and you should always be direct. When you don't assume and your direct, there's no need to have lack of trust. Lying is the worst thing. You should never lie to each other. Not even the little white lies. Your foundation should be based upon honesty, open book, and you should be best friends. 

6. Temperament: Any signs of a choleric temperament early on, are signs to get out. Any type of physical or emotional abuse is not okay. Anger is a very bad thing and you shouldn't see signs of anger early on in a relationship. Yelling, screaming, or any type of bad temperament is never okay. 

7. Drugs and alcohol: Surprise! The person you just got into a relationship with does drugs. Perhaps, only on an occasion, and for fun (so they say). Either way, they do drugs. Definitely say no to drugs. I can't believe people still do illegal drugs these days, knowing all of the possible consequences. As far as alcohol, I don't think anything is wrong with having a drink socially or on an occasion. Unfortunately, some people get carried away. People should learn to love being sober.  

8. Cheating: Once a cheater always a cheater. If someone cheats, peace out. People that are overly friendly and flirt too much, are playing with fire. You should flirt and be overfriendly with your new love. 

9. Emotional Unavailability: Perhaps you're completely lacking self-awareness and you didn't realize that you were emotionally unavailable going into a relationship. In this case, undoubtedly, your new relationship is doomed to fail.

10. Complaining: The person complains about everything and rarely, if ever, acts appreciative of any kindnesses you show them. It seems that nothing's ever good enough for them. They act like a total snob and portray a sense of arrogance, where they act as if they're owed certain things and a certain lifestyle. 

11. Being rude or impolite: Show appreciation. You're not owed any special treatment. Say please and thank you. Be kind to waiters and workers. Be humble. Be respectful to other people including friends, family, and strangers. 

12. Lack of effort: Both people in a relationship should put out effort. No one wants to be the only one giving. One person shouldn't be doing all of the work, while the other person just sits back and lets them. Both people should be giving to each other in their own way. Love should be shown equally by both people.