Friday, July 24, 2015

Dating in Los Angeles

The older we get, the more time we have to figure out what we really want in life. As we grow, we learn and discover new things about ourselves that we usually only discover with age. You learn what works for you and what doesn't. You learn what triggers you into a bad mood or a good mood. You either learn not to make the same mistakes again and again, or you keep repeating them, as if you hadn't learned from them. 

Some people grow and learn how to be a kind person to others and to be compassionate and loving, and some don't. Some people cheat and steal and as they grow, they learn not to. It's true, some people have never done anything remotely wrong or sinful in their lives. I, of course, haven't been fortunate enough to meet any of those saints, but I'm sure some people don't make such crucially, bad decisions that they need to repent from. 

There's a tremendous patience one must acquire when deciding who you want as your spouse. It can be easier for some I suppose. I think once a person gets older, they become pickier. They probably do so, because they know themselves more and know what they want in a partner. They likely know at an older age what works for them and what doesn't. I truly don't think I could've written this if I was still in my 20's. Oh no, did I just age myself? When you're young and innocent, you think more with your heart and less with your logic. When you're older, you think with more logic and less with your heart. For me, I try to balance the two, but usually my heart wins. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or bad, it just is. 

To break up or to disappear, that is the question. For those of us that have had a taste of the dating scene, there are many ways to break up. We've either done them to people or we've had them done to us. We've all had our moments of being patient, understanding, and kind, and at other times, not so much. Even in Sex and the City, they poke fun at one particularly lousy, thoughtless break up, by showing how ruthless some people can be. Their example was a guy breaking up with a girl on a Post-it. Wow! You can't get much worse than that! 

Surprisingly enough, it's quite common these days that people break up via text message. That's pretty cold too. Of course, it probably should depend upon how close the two people have gotten and how much time they spent together, as to how they should break up and what's appropriate or not. Breakups are never fun or easy. In my opinion, it's better to know someone's not interested early on, rather than be strung along for a long time and then break up. That way, there's less attachment or heartache involved. 

I've always said, I can't lose what isn't mine and I'd rather lose a guy early than later. No one wants to be the one with intense feelings for someone that they've developed over such a long period, just to be left in the end, because the feelings weren't mutual. Find out early on. Look for the signs if he/she is interested as well. People that are into each other should have healthy, good communication. It shouldn't have to be a guessing game. I always say, it's best to be on the same page. Say this, "I want us to be on the same page."

Many times it's hard to tell if someone's into you or not after a first date. In my opinion, when meeting a blind date for the first time, I think you can usually tell within the first 15 seconds if there's chemistry. Then, after the first date, you can tell if the person is normal and if you ever want to see them again. After that, I feel it usually takes about 3 to 4 dates to know if you want to go forward with someone and start an exclusive relationship. I'm sure many people would disagree with me, but this is what I feel. Don't get me wrong, if you're going into a date and being dishonest and you're closed up and not being yourself, you won't get very far, nor learn very much about each other. When it goes down like that, you can't tell much, even within the first few months of dating a person. 

However, when someone is acting like themself, being open book, honest, and truly trying to get to know the other person, the dating process can go a lot faster. When you're honest and open book, you can truly see if you're compatible with one another. In early dates, you should ask a lot of questions that are important to you, in order to see if you have any common interests or develop even more interest in the other person from the responses. It's always good to ask a lot of questions, but not in a way that a person will feel like it's an interrogation. The point is to smile and have a good time on early dates and see if you both connect on as many levels as possible. You see, there are many people that could be a good fit for each other. But, if you're picky like me, then you don't just want a good match, you want the best possible match for you. 

In early dating, it's important for people to remember that they should NEVER accept a date nor go on a date if your heart's NOT open. I repeat, if you have feelings for someone else, carry wounds from a recent break up, if you've built a wall/protective barrier, DON'T go out on dates. That would be misleading and the other person is bound to wind up getting hurt. You wouldn't want that to be done to you, so don't do it to someone else. I'm not saying to go out there in this sometimes, challenging dating world and pour your heart and feelings out, I'm saying be open hearted and keep your heart open "just enough" to let love in. You have to risk getting hurt to fall in love. The only way to fall in love is to be open to it and therefore, your heart must be open. 

Sometimes it's hard to tell if someone's interested in you after a first date. You may get taken by surprise, when you feel someone is totally into you on a date and then you don't hear from him/her after that. There's always excuses and reasons why you may not hear from a person, if you ask. The truth is, you shouldn't have to ask if someone's interested, because you should just know. Sometimes, truth be told, that's just not enough, and we want to know, when we want to know. We simply aren't always as patient as we'd like, and sometimes need a little help figuring people out. 

It's true, like in the movie "He's Just Not That Into You," If he's interested, he'll call." This isn't black and white though and you can never been so sure, when you play the guessing game. My advice would be to be patient, develop good communication, and time will tell, and you'll know soon enough. Well, I've come up with a few tips that may help in knowing if he's into you (for those moments when we're a little less patient), for when he/she takes a little longer than expected to call. 

Here's my list of 10 ways to know if he's into you:

1. He texts/calls you for any reason on the way home from your date

2. He asks you out for the next date, while you're on the date

3. He asks you questions and listens to your responses during the date and appears interested (beware of the player)

4. He acts generously when ordering dinner (this does NOT mean it's okay to take advantage of a person by over-ordering, this simply means that he's trying to display that he likes you and is being generous; it's a man's way of showing you he cares about you being satisfied) Note: a good way to show him you care about him, is to say no thank you, when you see he's getting carried away; some (not all) men appreciate you being concerned for the price of the bill

5. He pays more attention to you, than the meal

6. He opens up to you about something personal on the date (might be rare; but if he does, he's a keeper)

7. He responds to your text/call right away, if you take the plunge and contact him first

8. If he tells you that he's going to be busy for awhile or within the next few days/week, be weary if he's into you (unless, it's followed by a "but I have to see you though"

9. If he parks the car and walks you to your door (at the end of the date), there's a good chance he likes you (hold on to those Southern gentleman, they're rare and special)

10. If he drives away before you're inside your home (no matter how late it is), he's not a gentlemen, nor is he into you 

Having written a list of 10 ways to know if he's into you, it's important to make sure you're into him as well. Remember, it's not just about "the challenge" to see if someone will want to see you again. Nothing's worse than people that like to play games with your emotions. It doesn't matter whether it's a guy or a girl when it comes to playing with someone's emotions, it's wrong and cruel. You shouldn't wait around for someone to call or text you. 

A good way to know if a man is interested in a woman, is that he will call/text you. If he doesn't call/text, then there's nothing wrong with giving him a text or a phone call. Think about it this way... If he's not interested and you haven't heard from him after a few days or a week, you have nothing to lose by contacting him. The worst thing that could happen is that he won't respond. If he responds that he's not interested, at least you'll know and you can move on. After all, he's already out of touch, so it doesn't hurt to try. Go for it!

In my opinion, in early dating, I've always preferred to let a man take the lead, because it lets me know if he's interested. If I'm interested, I respond right away and then he knows I'm interested as well. When I'm comfortable in knowing that a man is interested, then I feel comfortable to initiate conversation as well. It's never been about a game to me. I suppose I'm a bit old-fashioned in my approach in wanting a man to pursue me in the beginning. I realize that these days, many people would disagree with my approach, but this is my personal way of dating and what works for me. 

It's important to remember that if you're waiting for a man to call after a first date, then you should keep busy, take care of yourself, and do things that make you feel happy, relaxed, and don't sit around hopelessly, waiting for his call. You can always work, go out with friends, go buy a new dress for your possible second date, take a bubble bath, make a juice, or go to the gym and get your endorphins flowing. Just be happy and be patient. If it concerns you enough if a man is interested, call him. Remember, being patient to see if a man is interested in you, waiting a few days, and letting him take the lead isn't playing games, it's simply getting an idea if he's really into you. Remember, if he's not into you, there are plenty of fish in the sea and there's someone special for everyone, even you.

For those interested, I recently created a Facebook Page for Two Scoops Photography. I hope you'll all follow it and keep me in mind if you're ever looking for a Los Angeles Photographer. LA Photographer and SEO Services Specialist, Jeffrey Branover and I, have created Two Scoops Photography to take pictures of those magical and cherished moments we all have. It's imperative to have pictures to go along with our memories as reminders, so you'll never forget. The website will be up soon! Be sure to check out our page. Thank you for reading! I'm hoping you'll all find your true love soon!