The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Friday, July 24, 2015

Dating in Los Angeles

The older we get, the more time we have to figure out what we really want in life. As we grow, we learn and discover new things about ourselves that we usually only discover with age. You learn what works for you and what doesn't. You learn what triggers you into a bad mood or a good mood. You either learn not to make the same mistakes again and again, or you keep repeating them, as if you hadn't learned from them. 

Some people grow and learn how to be a kind person to others and to be compassionate and loving, and some don't. Some people cheat and steal and as they grow, they learn not to. It's true, some people have never done anything remotely wrong or sinful in their lives. I, of course, haven't been fortunate enough to meet any of those saints, but I'm sure some people don't make such crucially, bad decisions that they need to repent from. 

There's a tremendous patience one must acquire when deciding who you want as your partner or spouse. It can be easier for some I suppose. Having said that, I think that once a person gets older, they become pickier. They probably do so, because they know themselves more and know what they want in a partner. They likely know at an older age what works for them and what doesn't. I truly don't think I could've written this if I was still in my 20's. Oh no, did I just age myself? When you're young and innocent, you think more with your heart and less with your logic. When you're older, you think with more logic and less with your heart. For me, I try to balance the two, but usually my heart wins. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or bad, it just is. 

To break up or to disappear, that is the question. For those of us that have had a taste of the dating scene, there are many ways to break up. We've either done them to people or we've had them done to us. We've all had our moments of being patient, understanding, and kind, and at other times, not so much. Even in Sex and the City, they poke fun at one particularly lousy, thoughtless break up, by showing how ruthless some people can be. Their example was a guy breaking up with a girl on a Post-it. Wow! You can't get much worse than that! 

Surprisingly enough, it's quite common these days that people break up via text message. That's pretty cold too. Of course, it probably should depend upon how close the two people have gotten and how much time they spent together, as to how they should break up and what's appropriate or not. Breakups are never fun or easy. In my opinion, it's better to know someone's not interested early on, rather than be strung along for a long time and then break up. That way, there's less attachment or heartache involved. 

I've always said, I can't lose what isn't mine and I'd rather lose a guy early than later. No one wants to be the one with intense feelings for someone that they've developed over such a long period, just to be left in the end, because the feelings weren't mutual. Find out early on. Look for the signs if he/she is interested as well. People that are into each other should have healthy, good communication. It shouldn't have to be a guessing game. I always say, it's best to be on the same page. Say this, "I want us to be on the same page."

Many times it's hard to tell if someone's into you or not after a first date. In my opinion, when meeting a blind date for the first time, I think you can usually tell within the first 15 seconds if there's chemistry. Then, after the first date, you can tell if the person is normal and if you ever want to see them again. After that, I feel it usually takes about 3 to 4 dates to know if you want to go forward with someone and start an exclusive relationship. I'm sure many people would disagree with me, but this is what I feel. Don't get me wrong, if you're going into a date and being dishonest and you're closed up and not being yourself, you won't get very far, nor learn very much about each other. When it goes down like that, you can't tell much, even within the first few months of dating a person. 

However, when someone is acting like themselves, being open book, honest, and truly trying to get to know the other person, the dating process can go a lot faster. When you're honest and open book, you can truly see if you're compatible with one another. In early dates, you should ask a lot of questions that are important to you, in order to see if you have any common interests or develop even more interest in the other person from the responses. It's always good to ask a lot of questions, but not in a way that a person will feel like it's an interrogation. The point is to smile and have a good time on early dates and see if you both connect on as many levels as possible. You see, there are many people that could be a good fit for each other. But, if you're picky like me, then you don't just want a good match, you want the best possible match for you. 

In early dating, it's important for people to remember that they should NEVER accept a date nor go on a date if your heart's NOT open. I repeat, if you have feelings for someone else, carry wounds from a recent break up, if you've built a wall/protective barrier, DON'T go out on dates. That would be misleading and the other person is bound to wind up getting hurt. You wouldn't want that to be done to you, so don't do it to someone else. I'm not saying to go out there in this sometimes, challenging dating world and pour your heart and feelings out, I'm saying be open hearted and keep your heart open "just enough" to let love in. You have to risk getting hurt to fall in love. The only way to fall in love is to be open to it and therefore, your heart must be open.