The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A Heart Made of Stone


There's a saying that "Nothing Good Comes Easy." I've also heard that "Nothing Worthwhile Comes Without Pain." Theodore Roosevelt said, "Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well." The meaning of these sayings, (which have been written in different ways and interpreted by many), is that good things take time and hard work. Over time, and with much effort, the ending result will be great. I've always heard that you should plant good seeds now, and you will have beautiful fruit later. The same goes for when you plant bad seeds now, you will end up with bad fruit later. I hope you're following me. I'm not really talking about fruit here. When you do the right things and choose good over evil, you will be ahead in the end. When you put effort, time, and love into a relationship, it will blossom and exude true beauty and radiance. The more love and care you give to something, the more it will show in the end.

Think about it this way, when you stop for fast food, as opposed to cooking a healthy meal at home, you're doing yourself an injustice. You are settling for an instant gratification or a quick fix of short term light and long term darkness. Sure, you'll get satisfied and full, and the food may taste amazing (if you enjoy that type of food), but the longterm, end result will be an unhealthy and heavier body. As well, you may become tired quickly, and have some health issues that develop over time, from an unhealthy diet that consisted of foods that lacked nutrition. 

If a relationship has problems and they're not worked on, the result will be fighting, great turbulence, or even a dissolution of the relationship. If a couple cares about one another, they need to be able to share their feelings. Being open-book is helpful, being honest, acting selflessly, showing nurture and love is a must, and having good communication is what can truly make or break a situation. Those are just a few things that make a relationship a healthy one. This is another example of how hard work and effort is like planting good seeds and gives you beautiful and healthy fruit as an end result. 

When you raise children, taking the time to play with your kids and teach them right from wrong is what allows them to grow into well adjusted adults. Anyone can have a baby, but the way you act as a parent will change that child and it will learn from your actions. Depending on the child, as well as the logic and resilience of the child, it can go either way, and it will become a good person or a bad one. It's all about the hard work once again and the effort you put into raising them. The easy way would be not to care and to let the child do whatever they want. That's more of a permissive parenting style, which I don't care for much. I try to be more of an authoritative parent by having rules and setting boundaries. I'm a pretty strict parent, but in taking such a disciplinary role, I give my kids a lot of affection... many hugs and kisses.

I was born in Chicago. I've seen such a difference in the way people drive in Los Angeles, as opposed to back home. When people come to a four way stop in LA, people tend to just take off and accelerate and try to "own it," basically and go first. In Illinois, people would let the other person go first, and then give a little thank you with a wave of their hand. Are people in a bigger rush in Los Angeles than in Chicago? Somehow, I don't think so. People should remember to be kind and patient. Why is one person's destination more important than the next person's? Simple, it's not more important, people have just become less loving.

I've noticed the toxicity in the LA dating scene as well. Nothing is more destructive to a soul than experiencing genuine cruelty and intentional harm. Many people lie, manipulate, play games, and make people "a challenge" in order to get what they want. When did people's desires for what they want in a person become so impure and full of ulterior motives? Many people don't see and discover the true beauty in a person, and date them with pure intentions. People's hearts are turning to stone. I'm generalizing of course, but LA has taken heartache to a whole new level. 

When did people stop caring about hurting someone's feelings? When did people stop apologizing? I don't agree with "Love Means Never Having To Say You're Sorry" like the girl said in Love Story. When you hurt someone, with intention or without, do your best to show some sign of remorse and apologize. When did texting become the new phone call? When did good communication become so rare? When did honesty become, the things I choose to disclose is honest enough and that white lies don't matter? When did people start becoming so selfish and cold? Why do people only give on the holidays? Poor people are not only hungry on Thanksgiving. Why don't parents take the time to teach their kids not to bully other kids? Why don't people start dating for the right reasons and be more honest, upfront, and direct about their intentions, from the beginning. 

Why don't people have a heart, instead of tearing others' hearts down. There are many fish in the sea, but each and every one has a soul. It's not good to hurt people and go into situations when you're not ready or when you're only looking for a "rebound" love affair. Nothing is worse than dating someone, only to realize much later, and after you've developed feelings for them, that they're emotionally unavailable. I've spoken to so many men and women that carry aches from broken hearts, and those wounds are many times caused by hearts made of stone. There's a big "grass is greener" effect in the LA dating scene ( especially in the toxic world of dating sites). 

There's always going to be someone more beautiful, smarter, richer, more successful, and more of a catch. That's why I came up with, "I'm looking for cake, not frosting. As much as I like frosting, the cake must be there." It's about having a good foundation with a partner and the frosting can develop over time, if it's not all there at first. I've dated people that were not so pleasing to the eye at first (some would say), yet truly came to be the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. 

Good things take time and effort. You have to go into a situation with an open heart, despite any wounds you may have had previously. Let it go! Free yourself! If you want love, you have to be open to receiving love. In order to do that, you must have an open heart and risk getting hurt. 

"A heart made of stone, will turn another's heart into stone." 

                                 -Anne Cohen