Saturday, November 28, 2015

The First MILF Moment

The following is a guest post by New Crunchy Mom:


I generally don't use the term MILF.

I don't consider myself to be one and let's be honest, it isn't really a term for polite company.

For those of you who don't know, MILF is an abbreviated and slightly crass term for wanting to sleep (in the biblical sense of the word) with a woman who is a mother.

That said, it's a pretty good term to describe a woman's first time to be flirted with after she gives birth. I don't mean getting hit on by your husband, he doesn't count (I love you, honey!).

No, a woman's first MILF moment postpartum has to be someone else hitting on or otherwise flirting with her.

Nobody warned me about this, though apparently moments such as these are an unspoken rite of passage for postpartum women. It transitions you from "I feel like a sleep-deprived zombie and I can't remember when I last showered " to "Maybe I am a beautiful human being, even if my boobs sag a little".

My first MILF moment transpired when I was running around town putting posters up for my blog with my son. He was a little stir crazy and so was I, so we set out on a mission to visit a few shops around town.

We visited a few Starbucks, some shopping centers and a couple of grocery stores. All the while, my 6 month old was smiling and trying to stick his hand in my mouth from inside the K'tan.

As we walked in front of the stores at one of the shopping centers, I spotted a GNC.

I decided that would be a good place to put a poster. After all, I'd purchased my fair share of energy and protein bars to eat for snacks while breastfeeding (it's hard to cook with a screaming baby) and I was sure I wasn't the only mom to visit GNC to do the same.

My son started squirming as we made our way towards the store, so I pulled him out of the K'tan and set him on my hip instead.

As I opened the door, a little bell sound went off above us and three shaggy haired heads popped up from behind the register. 

I stood between the two aisles in the middle of the store as three college-age gym junkies trampled over one another and lurched to a halt right in front of me.

I blinked, a bit startled by the sight in front of me. I couldn't stifle my amusement as I looked at the three giants in front of me and wondered what I, a petite new mother with a baby hanging on my hip, must look like to them.

I regained my composure and explained to them that I was interested in hanging up a poster in the store.

The tallest marveled at the poster and said, "Wow, this is really pretty!"

I thanked him but was cut off by him adding, "You must have paid a fortune for these posters, I'd hate for you to lose one."

He paused briefly and continued, "I will talk to my manager about putting it up, how about I get your number so I can let you know what he says?"

"Oh, okay!" I replied, not realizing what had just happened.

I typed in my number on his phone and thanked them for their time. My son gave them a little grin as we walked out.

I paused a moment to look in and saw them knuckle-bumping and looking at the poster I had given them.

It wasn't until I got to the car that I realized I'd just been asked my number by a college kid, and from the way they acted, it wasn't because of the poster.

I texted my husband excitedly to tell him what happened and he agreed: I had definitely been hit on.

Who knew babies could make such good wingman!

When was your first MILF moment?

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