Sunday, November 1, 2015

Dating Discipline

We've all established that no one likes when people play games with them emotionally. Even people that play games themselves, they don't even like getting played. What is dating discipline? Dating discipline is pacing yourself, and going at a pace that you're comfortable with. Whether it be on an emotional level or an intimate level, dating discipline is being ready when you're ready, and going at your own pace. 

We've all had heartbreaks in our lives, and we've all experienced a certain amount of pain. When it comes to dating someone new, it's important to be emotionally available, open book, honest, and to treat each situation like a blank, clean slate. You're not supposed to bring in baggage of old heartaches where you're still feeling pain from emotional wounds. That pain would be considered baggage, if it isn't healed. Despite the fact that many of us have gone through hard times and bad relationships, or ones that didn't work out as planned, we need to heal before exploring a new situation. 

Assuming that you're going into this new situation with an open heart, no emotional baggage from previous relationships, etc., then it's important to realize that you need to go at your own comfortable pace when letting someone in emotionally. You should never feel pressured to say, feel, or do anything that you're not ready for. Whatever you do should be straight out of your heart, and not based on pressure that you're feeling from your new love interest, or anyone else. Having said that, many times our love interest puts pressure on us to feel more than we're feeling, express more than we're ready to express, or be intimate, when we're simply not ready, etc. 

It's important to recognize that a person that's putting pressure on you is doing just that. Everyone should appreciate the fact that a person is genuine enough not to pretend, not to play games, and to be real. When a person holds back their feelings because they're not ready, as opposed to not being emotionally available, you can believe that when they actually say certain things, do certain things, feel certain things, and expressed certain things, that it's completely real and genuine. 

If it seems to be taking someone way too long to express their feelings to you, assuming that you've been dating for quite some time, and you've already developed feelings for them, then they might not be feeling the same way about you in the way that you're feeling about them. This is why it's important to have dating discipline. When you have dating discipline, you're less likely to get hurt, and more likely to pace yourself, so that you can remain on the same page as your love interest. You never want to fall in love hard for someone that's not feeling anything for you.

It's important to go into a new situation with an open heart, embracing your emotions towards the person, and the feelings that you're feeling, but without getting too attached, and too early. You should go at a pace that's comfortable for you, but you must realize that your love interest is going at a pace that's comfortable for them as well. Remember, we all go at our own pace, and pressuring someone to feel something more than they do or that they're ready to express won't make their feelings more genuine, even if they end up telling you, or expressing their feelings to you after you've prompted them. 

It's important that when someone feels something for the other person that they express themselves. Having said that, when it's early in the dating period, you can usually tell when a person is feeling the same way, by the way that they act, the way that they look at you, and by their smile. You shouldn't have to pry or prompt into someone's soul, asking them how they feel about you if it's too early in the dating period. That could provoke discomfort, dishonesty, or both. 

It isn't black and white, but my preference has always been to let a man take the lead, so that I can get a sense of if he's feeling it or not. This is of course, my personal preference. When I date someone new, and he expresses that he loves me on the first date, or on an early date, I usually just say thank you. I believe that real love takes time to develop, and although it's flattering that they feel that they love me early on (when they do, of course), I can never reciprocate those feelings, unless I'm truly feeling it. Boy, that sounded like a very hubris statement. You'd be surprised how many people say that they love you early on, without much dating development or a relationship even. 

When people say that they love you early on, especially when men say it to women, it's usually coming from one of two places. They usually have an ulterior motive of wanting something more on an intimate level, or they're meaning it genuinely, and it's coming from a very pure and innocent place. The latter is kind of a sweet reason, and I find it to be very true, flattering, and really, quite adorable. Having said that, despite how adorable it is when someone says that they love you very early on, you still need to be real, genuine, and honest with yourself, and them, by not reciprocating that love, and going at your own comfortable pace. 

It's more than appropriate to acknowledge it when a person tells you that they love you very quickly while dating, because everyone goes at their own pace. Some people fall in love very quickly. Some people fall in lust very quickly as well! It's important to try to recognize the difference between lust and love, but I'll save that for another article. Remember, don't let anyone pressure you into feeling more than you're feeling, or more than you're ready to express. Let things come naturally in the dating period, without feeling pressured, and without pressuring anyone else. 

If you feel like the person that you're with isn't feeling anything, and you've been dating them for quite some time, at that point, it's not only appropriate, but you should definitely ask the person if they're developing feelings for you. Again, during early dating you shouldn't prompt this question. But, when you've been together for quite some time, it's almost imperative that you find out, because if they're not feeling anything emotionally towards you after dating you for a while, you need to move on, and find your true match. Last but not least, it's important to keep in mind that the right person won't pressure you to go at a pace that you're not comfortable with, and they will respect you for having dating discipline.