The Damage of Being Lied to in Relationships

When it comes to having a happy and healthy relationship, certain fundamentals must be there. These fundamentals are like the pillars...

Friday, December 5, 2014

The Love Drug

My grandmother just had her 84th Birthday yesterday. When I talked to her, she kept on changing the subject to what I should look for and expect in a future spouse. I said,"Gramma!!!!" in my incredibly cute voice. I said,"I don't want to talk about my dating life "right now," it's going well, but tell me Gramma, what are you doing for your Birthday?" Changing the subject is always the best way out of this one. She kept on with, "Don't expect to fall in love right away. It takes time and you don't have to love a guy right away." "Yes, Grams I know." 

The truth of the matter is, that not only is she wise beyond her 64 years, she's right. My gramma knows what she's talking about! True love is not instant. That initial feeling you get when you're attracted to someone is merely lust, passion, and desire. Attraction and chemistry must be present at first. Attraction shouldn't be confused for love at first site. It's not the same thing. Real love grows with time. 

As you get to know a person on a deeper level, you can fall in love. All of the quality time you spend with someone can lead to building a beautiful foundation, which can be everlasting. If you want a love that will last, you have to invest time in talking and getting to know the person. Sometimes I think it would be easier to date and really look deep into a person's soul, if we were all blindfolded. But then again, I realize how awful it would be if I weren't crazy attracted to my man. 

As you're giving dating or a relationship time to develop, you should remember to ask a lot of questions. The responses to your questions may in fact be a "deal breaker." I'm not saying to interrogate or pry into someone's past and privacy, but ask things that pertain to you and him (or vice versa) in regards to having the same ultimate goals or not. Maybe in the long term, you see yourselves in totally different places where it wouldn't make sense to go forward. Don't get me wrong! If you go to a movie with me and eat popcorn louder than the people talking on the big screen, deal breaker! Asking questions just helps things further along so that you can learn about someone, and the more you ask, the more you know. Remember to listen to the responses you get and not just thrive on your amazing questions. Ask from your heart the things that you genuinely want to know about your date.

As well, always remember to "be yourself." It's funny how people act differently during early dating. People should try to put their best foot forward. But in doing so, many people can't really relax so much or be themselves. I've seen that the more I act as myself and the more comfortable I am, the more people respond in a similar manner. You may waste a lot of time dating someone that you may not be so compatible with. Why would you want to do that? Life is short. Let it be blissful. It's good to cut through the bologna (as my grandmother would say) and find out who this person really is. 

I don't know about you, but I'm not into games and I'm not dating to get a free meal. I date with marital intentions and to hopefully find my soulmate. Why play games with someone that may be your soulmate? Remember to act like yourself and if he gets scared off, just remind yourself that "you can't lose something that you never had" and "I'd rather scare him off now, than later." Either way, enjoy the moment. Moments are all we have. Make the best out of every date and remember to smile. Even if you see that you don't like your date, try to make it through with poise. Don't forget to be thankful, polite, and end it gracefully. As well, keep your chin up! Your besheret is out there dreaming of you too.