Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Friends vs. Friends with Benefits After Relationships


Sometimes it's hard to know if you should keep trying in a relationship that doesn't seem to work. When issues don't seem to be getting resolved, despite having worked on things, and having the will to improve, it can be a difficult decision whether to stay together and work things out, or to simply call it quits. Sometimes, you just get to the point when you want to give up. It can be hard when a relationship doesn't seem to work out as planned, but even harder when the love that you have for one another as a couple remains. There may come a point when you break up, and although I don't believe in the break up, make up routine, sometimes people decide to remain friends. Now I know that there might be some controversy in what I'm about to say. But anyone that knows me, knows that I'm going to say it anyway.

"Is it possible to stay friends with someone after a breakup?" 


The answer to this question is pretty simple. However, the explanation of this answer is what's going to end up filling up the page. Having said that, yes, I believe that people can be friends after breaking up. I also believe that people can be friends after the dissolution of a marriage. If both people that were in a committed situation or even dated previously have the desire to stay in each other's lives and be friends, it can definitely happen.

There's a big difference between being friends after a break up, and being friends with benefits. If both people that were in a relationship truly want to keep one another in their lives and build a long, healthy, and loving friendship, hooking up or fooling around in anyway will prevent that from happening. Despite the quick fix of momentary pleasure (or long-term pleasure depending on how you handle a situation), it will ultimately be short-term light and long-term darkness. 

When two people have been together in a relationship and they've mutually decided that they'd like to remain friends, they definitely need to concentrate on building a brand-new friendship. In this new friendship that these ex lovers/partners are willing to explore, they need to do a few things. First of all, they both need to be on the same page. In other words, they need to have a discussion about boundaries, respect, and comfort level. It's important to have this discussion with your new "friend," because being on the same page is essential in starting a new friendship after the dissolution of a relationship. 

It's important for both people to realize that with one wrong turn early on in this new friendship, the friendship won't work. As well, it might take a little time in between the breakup and the new friendship to heal, and get over any residual romantic feelings, hurt, grief, bitterness, or anger. For some, it may take more time to heal than others. Having said that, depending on how much you're both hoping to remain friends, these types of friendships don't always work. If anything, for a friendship to work after a breakup, it takes a lot of work from both people.

Many times, people feel that when one of the two people that were in a relationship together is attracted to the other, a friendship can never work. Although there is some truth to that statement, if both people have enough self-control, willpower, and the desire to keep each other as friends, they need to remember the end goal, and not fall for quick, empty temptation. This empty temptation will leave them both in a dark place and without each other as friends. It's important to keep that in mind when acting out of impulse, selfishness, or instant gratification. Remember, just as a relationship or marriage takes hard work to be successful, a friendship takes the same amount of work, and even more so, when friends used to be in a relationship with one another.

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