Thursday, April 21, 2016

When Your New Love Compares You to Their Past Love

There are many singles out there that have experienced true love in their life. For whatever reason, they're not together now, and things just didn't work out with that person. Let's assume that enough time has passed from that situation, and for some time they've been open to finding love and happiness with someone else. Many people have experienced relationships as such, where they've actually experienced the type of love that they hope to have in their future. Whether they were the ones that ended their previous situation or if the other person ended it, it's irrelevant, because they're no longer together. Now that the person is in the dating scene and trying to meet someone new, they want that same type of love and happy feeling that they experienced in their previous relationship. However, every relationship is going to be different. By different, I mean a different experience with a different person, and a different type of love and joy is bound to be experienced. 

You can't expect that the love you will have now or in the future will be the same as the type of love that you'd experienced in a previous situation. The fact of the matter is that everyone loves differently, and every situation will provide a different feeling, and it shouldn't be compared in any way to any previous relationships that you might've had. It's important to go into new situations with an open heart. In order to do so, you must not bring in unrealistic expectations of wanting to experience the same type of love that you had in the past, because it simply can't and won't happen. If you truly want to move on and find a beautiful love once again, you have to have an open heart, and your heart is not truly open to loving someone new if you expect it to be identical to your previous situation. 

It's important to embrace a new love and relationship with a blank, clean slate. In other words, embrace a new love with a genuine open heart, where you're not comparing the person or the relationship to your past ones. The truth is, if someone is comparing someone new and a new relationship to someone or a particular situation from their past, it's likely that they still have residual feelings, hurt, or wounds from the person, and that relationship. You should never assume that the person you're dating is feeling this way or that they're not over their ex. Having said that, your instinct is usually right. Listen to your instinct and don't sweep things under the rug. If you feel as though the person you're dating is constantly comparing you to someone from their past or to the relationship that they had, that's toxic behaviour, and you should definitely call them out on it. Like I said, don't sweep things under the rug, and bring it to their attention that comparing you and your current situation with them to a previous situation from their past isn't right, and definitely won't be beneficial to your current situation.

Recently Separated: Don't Even Think About It!

Every promising, new situation should have the feelings of hope, happiness, excitement, closeness, and love. To have much success in all of these things, it's imperative that you date people as individuals, and treat relationships as if they have a fresh, clean slate. Comparing people to others that you've previously dated is never a good thing, and it can only cause harm to your new situation. Don't let your past drag your present and future down. Don't bring in baggage from your previous relationships. If you have residual feelings for someone from your past by any means, you need to be clear about it to your partner, and stop dating them immediately. No one deserves to be hurt or experience pain in any way when it can be avoided. If your heart isn't fully open and ready to embrace the love and happiness with someone new, don't act as if you're open to it. As well, if that's the case and you realize that your heart isn't open to loving someone new, don't mislead someone by having them wait around, and keep dating you, but at your pace. If someone isn't ready to date you, isn't over their ex, and doesn't have an open heart right now, don't date them. If you do, you can only blame yourself for any heartache that you'll experience. 

If you date someone that isn't ready, they'll likely be comparing you to the person that they were with previously. Whether they were the ones who broke up with the other person or vice versa, the issues for why they broke up and what their previous relationship lacked will be what they compare you and your new relationship to. In other words, it's irrelevant whether they ended their previous relationship or if someone else ended it with them. The reason being is simply because they either felt heartache and pain from being broken up with or they experienced what a relationship shouldn't have and what they don't want to happen in their next relationship. This is why someone that is recently separated or just getting out of a relationship is never a good option when it comes to dating. People need time to heal from previous relationships that didn't work out. If a lot of time has passed, and a person still doesn't have an open heart to love someone new, they need to work on themselves and on letting go. That's not something you can help them with. They need to do the work and heal. 

I don't believe that it takes someone new and incredible to help someone get over an ex. I know that many people feel differently, and there are many articles expressing how one should date and find someone new in order to get over an ex. I couldn't disagree with that anymore than I do. I don't believe that people that are emotionally unavailable in any way should be out in the dating scene. There's nothing more painful than being misled, falling in love with someone EU, or getting your hopes up by someone that's simply not open to loving you. It's important for emotionally unavailable people that feel entitled to be in the dating scene and date people in order to try and get over an ex to become more self aware and sensitive to others. They should work on strengthening themselves from within, and becoming self-aware enough not to cause others any unnecessary pain, heartache, or turbulence. It's important to think of the consequences before doing things in life, because sometimes the damage will not only cause someone else pain and distress, but it could cause you pain and distress as well.