Monday, April 4, 2016

Emotionally Unavailable vs. Emotionally Unintelligent

Someone once asked me how they can tell if they're emotionally available and ready to be in a relationship. I told them that they'll know when they're ready, and for that matter, they won't even question whether or not they are. I've written many articles on the subject matter of emotional unavailability, because it's somewhat of a big issue in the dating scene. It's an even bigger issue in the online dating scene. Many times people confuse the difference between being emotionally unavailable and emotionally unintelligent. There's a big difference between the two, and I hope to cover that differences in this article.

Emotionally Unavailable:

When someone is emotionally unavailable, they're unable to connect with someone else on an emotional level. They're unable to open up their heart, and risk their feelings getting hurt. As well, they're not truly willing or open to falling in love. The reason is usually because of previous heartache or wounds, not being over a previous relationship, or having fear of things not working out. They're scared of experiencing heartache, pain, and they perceive situations not working out as failure. 

Emotionally Unintelligent:

When someone is emotionally unintelligent, they might actually be emotionally available. But, there's usually still an underlying missing piece. They cannot comprehend emotions to the extent that they should be able to. Whether it's lack of experience or maturity, they simply can't connect on a deep emotional level. Sometimes this even goes for understanding facial expressions, and why someone appears to be happy, unhappy, sad, or angry, etc. As well, being emotionally unintelligent means that someone simply can't understand reasons to different emotions or fully grasp why someone might feel certain ways. 

Although an emotionally unintelligent person can still be emotionally available and open to love, they might never be able to fully "get it" or "get you" for that matter. They usually won't always know what the right thing to say is. As well, they might fail to comprehend appropriate or inappropriate timing of saying things. It can leave others frustrated at times. It's preferable that this type of person finds a partner that's patient and loving. Someone that will bare with them, and even better, one that will hold their hand, and try and help them understand at a pace that's comfortable for them.

One last thing...

Both of these types of people are not preferably the best candidates for someone that has an open heart, and feels everything in life with great passion and intensity. It's important to recognize the signs of these types so that you'll be aware, and can make a wise decision for yourself on whether or not to proceed in dating them. When someone is emotionally unavailable, I wouldn't recommend dating them at all. But, when someone is emotionally unintelligent, it's almost as if their growth in life needs to be developed more on an emotional level, and it can be quite challenging to their partner. However, they're still datable if you ask me. 

It might be somewhat challenging if you're the impatient type. It takes a lot of patience when dealing with an emotionally unintelligent person or the type of person that's emotional development is on a different level than your own. We all develop at different paces in life, and it's important to keep that in mind. If you decide to date someone that's emotionally on a different level than you, but you truly love them, things can still work out if you're willing to work on things. But, you should go at their pace. You should remember to stay patient, and never, and I mean never put the other person down negatively because of how they are. They're not stupid. They're just not at the same level as you as far as emotional intelligence. Be kind to your partner. Show and express love to them through your words and through your actions. It can only help to speed up the process of their emotional development.