Thursday, February 25, 2016

Calling Him out on His Shh...

There are two types of people in this world. One type tries to avoid drama, friction, conflict, and basically tends to sweep things under the rug. This type of person usually lives in peace in their mind, but in truth, there's really no peace of mind there at all. The reason being is that they'll keep those feelings that they're not expressing inside of them, letting them build up. While this type of person feels that they're keeping the peace in their relationship, they're actually doing the opposite, and letting issues build up by not addressing them. Whether they're feelings of disappointment, unhappiness, anger, or hurt, they hold it in, and at some point, all of that imploding of their feelings might BAM, and hit them right in the face, like an explosion. Many times people get upset, hold it in, but still say that they're fine (see: "8 Reasons Women Say They're Fine, When They're Not"), and that gets them nowhere. They end up left with pent up emotions filled with discomfort. Things need to be nipped in the bud, and before they get to the point of exploding. 

In relationships, communication is everything, and it's important to share how you truly feel with one another. If you're in a healthy relationship, you should always try to nip things in the bud. You can't expect a relationship to be happy or even more so, to stay happy, if you're both not willing to put in the effort that it deserves by having open and healthy communication with one another. People need to communicate their feelings, and by sweeping things under the rug, they're not doing so. Imploding and keeping your feelings inside is one of the worst ways to go about communication. It's actually the opposite of having good communication. It doesn't matter what point you're at within a relationship. Whether you've been with someone for a long time, and even more so, if you have nerves before your wedding day, you need to call it off until your communication improves, you feel comfortable enough to be yourself, and tell your partner how you truly feel. You literally need to be able to call people out on their shh... when they do something that bothers you.

The other types of people call people out on their shh... They take their time, their energy, and even when they try to avoid arguments, sometimes they happen with this type of person. There are ways to avoid arguments, and those arguments aren't necessarily needed to get one's point across, but they do happen at times. Everyone disagrees and argues in relationships, and only so many of them can be avoided. However, when having healthy communication and an open book type of mentality, relationships can go a lot smoother. It's important for couples to share their feelings with one another to the point where they feel heard, understood, and where there's a resolution to the situation at hand. 

When it comes to relationships, people need to pick and choose their battles, and not call each other out on their shh... all of the time. But, when it's truly important, and on a scale of 1 to 10, it's near a 10 of importance, call the person out on it, and tell them how you truly feel. No one should have to hold in their feelings or filter what's really going on inside of them. I always say that it's important to keep it real in relationships. This means that you should be true to yourself, and true to your partner. People that end up biting their tongue, and not saying how they really feel, trying to avoid conflict in their relationship, aren't necessarily happier from that kind of peace. If anything, avoiding conflict is one of the worst things in relationships. Couples should hash things out and find resolutions to issues that they have when they're fresh and new, as opposed to letting things grow into bigger problems.

When people are brutally honest, direct, know what they want, put effort into improving themselves, and improving their relationship, sweeping things under the rug doesn't usually happen as much. For some reason, the more honest and real a person is, the less the tendency to hide what one truly feels happens. So folks, listen up, and heed my words... Be honest, and you should get the same honesty in return. Be loving and be true to yourself, your feelings, and what you really want. Call people out on their shh... and make sure that you express yourself in a way where you get your feelings across to your partner. Having said that, remember to do so in the kindest way possible. Don't be afraid of sharing your true feelings from fear of engaging in conflict or how someone might react. As long as your intentions are good, honest, and pure, no one will despise you for too long, and at least, not when you're speaking your mind out of a good place.

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