Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Fantasy Relationships

When it comes to fantasy relationships, they fall into two categories. One category would be desiring someone that most people would feel is "out of your league" so to speak. The other category would be relationships that are desired from people that are generally commitment-phobic, or not to so much afraid of commitment, but afraid of committing to anything that will last for too long. There are many ways that I can explain, but I'll have to separate this into the two categories for you.

They're out of your league... or not

When someone goes after another that most of the world would consider "out of their league," the more power to them! It not only shows their confidence, but it shows resilience, being that many times, they'll get shut down cold. It's not easy for anyone to get shut down, and some people aren't even kind about the way that they go about shutting someone down, and letting them know that they have zero interest. For me personally, I'm usually kind about it, and let people down gently, but sometimes, I'm just as bad as the rest of them, and I lose my noodle, and might end up coming across as rude. However, there are times when you need to be extremely direct to get your point across, and that can come across as rude. But, sometimes, we have no choice.

The truth is that there's no such thing as someone being out of your league. Whether or not you agree with me, I'm right. You'll have to debate me in the comments! Seriously though, when other people think that someone is out of your league, whether they're strangers, family, or friends, and they tell you so, not only shouldn't you believe them, but it should drive you to prove them wrong. Not that it's a game (because it's not), but just so that you know, you're worth is just as good as another's. There's no reason why you're not good enough to go after the person you've got your heart set on. Having said that, it doesn't mean that the person will have their heart set on you. But, you'll never know, if you don't try. 

The more confident a man or woman comes across, the sexier and more appealing you'll become to them. Sometimes, persistence will be in order, but your confidence will be everything when it comes to going after someone that's considered a great catch. What defines someone as a great catch ? Many different things can define someone as a great catch. Although, most people would consider this person or that person to be a great catch, we all have our own specific preferences. We all know what we want and what we perceive as being a great catch for us. Remember, confidence is the key. If you know your worth and you show it, other people will see it, including the person that others may say is "out of your league." P.S. who gives a damn what they think anyway!

Commitment phobia and fear

One of the hardest things that people deal with in the dating scene are people that are commitment phobic and people that are afraid to get hurt. This is one of my favourite and easiest topics to write on, because not only have I personally seen this a lot, but I've witnessed others that have experienced similar situations. These types of people are not only toxic to our fragile, and perhaps resilient souls, but if anyone ever falls for someone that's commitment phobic or afraid to fall in love, it can be an ocean-sized pill to swallow. Ouch, right? Yea, tell me about it! Being commitment phobic and being afraid to fall in love usually go hand in hand. 

People that are commitment phobic are afraid to get too close to anyone on an emotional level. This is one reason that they might tend to go after people that are considered "out of their league." It's almost as if they already feel that they have no chance with the person (but, they're wrong), and whether or not they go out with them, they realize one important factor. They realize that the person that they're going after is considered to be a "high commodity," and that it will be a challenge. Commitment phobics love a challenge. 

People that are separated, recently divorced, or that just got out of a relationship, and haven't yet healed are afraid of falling in love, and ultimately getting hurt. Those people shouldn't be dating or leading people on to believe that they have an open heart, because they don't. However, many times, people will mislead others, and not let them know that they feel any pain, so that the person will think that their heart is open, and they'll most likely give them a chance. Whether they're merely looking for a hook-up or whatever, they're misleading others into believing that they're intentions are pure, and that their heart is open. 

Another thing that commitment phobic or people that have been previously hurt and have wounds will do is go after people that live far away. You heard it right folks, the wonderful venture of long distance relationships. Some people have good intentions, have an open heart, and are ready to fall in love, and for those people, and many others, long distance relationships might be challenging, but they can work. Those types of relationships I'll write more on later. But, the long distance relationships that I'm talking about now are the ones held by people that are afraid or commitment phobic. You might not even know that someone is afraid until they've set you free. They might make enough excuses, that you'll end up believing one or many of them. But the truth remains that many times, their heart wasn't open to begin with.  

The reason that long distance relationships may be the preferred choice of the wounded and scared single is because it's easy. You might think, "How is long distance easy?" Well, it's easy for people that are afraid of getting hurt, afraid of getting too close, afraid of developing feelings for anyone, and aren't looking for anything serious (despite what they might tell you). Long distance relationships are challenging for anyone, and as we all know, although many might debate it, distance makes the heart grow fonder. Having said that, the heart can't grow fonder by the person that's heart is closed, and only by the person that's heart is open and ready to fall in love. This is why this type of situation is so toxic. While one person is developing feelings for another, with the distance between them only increasing their desire and love for the person more, the commitment phobic or wounded and scared person isn't feeling the same way. Once the commitment phobic or wounded and scared person knows how much you care for them, they're likely to split, or end the relationship cold.

When it comes to dating sites, many times people will go after others that live so far away, and one must either not go out with them, or go in with a good amount of caution. There's a lot of commitment phobia, wounded and scared, and a hell of a lot of recently separated, or divorced people on dating sites. Proceed with caution! Again, many long distance relationships work, but they almost never work when one person is commitment phobic or afraid.